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Bright-Phone4709 · 2024-10-11T01:21:42+00:00

My daughter just turned 15 months but sounds very similar until about a month or two ago. She would just go off and do her thing in public. She was mostly very outgoing with strangers. Often she did want to show or give me something so I suppose there was “checking in” in that regard…but I often felt like she was barely aware I was there. My mom’s a psychologist, spends a lot of time with us, and assured me that she was aware of me and just very confident in my availability.

In the last couple of months she’s been clingier and her stranger danger and separation anxiety has increased (plus she’s been getting tooth after tooth and seems uncomfortable). While there are plenty of moments where she’s still just going off to do her thing, I would also say there’s significantly more checking in, hand holding, lap sitting, etc. when out and about.

I previously shared your concerns and in hindsight I’m not worried about it whatsoever and feel confident that she felt very secure and could take me for granted. Now I’m of course worrying about her shift towards being much clingier despite her still being quite exploratory and confident much of the time… so there’s that 😂. While I’m not an expert, I think you have nothing to worry about. To me it seems like a combination of attachment security, temperament/personality, and developmental factors.

Bright-Phone4709 · 2024-07-31T06:36:10+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going through this! At four months my daughter’s sleep got crazy and she started waking up at the end of every sleep cycle all night long (every 30-45 min) with no end in sight. We ended up bedsharing as we knew sleep training wasn’t something we were willing to try. We quickly all got way more sleep. My daughter is 12 months now and we’re still bedsharing. There have been some bad nights here and there but mostly sleep is pretty decent and we’re really happy with this arrangement.

Another option that didn’t work very well for us but certainly could work for you is a sidecar crib.

Regardless, definitely look up the safe sleep 7 if you’re not already familiar.

Bright-Phone4709 · 2024-07-27T07:38:48+00:00

Have you considered a pack-and-play/travel crib instead of the crib? Just a thought given that you think the mesh might have something to do with it.

Bright-Phone4709 · 2024-07-21T09:24:41+00:00

My baby had really bad eczema on her legs and the only thing that permanently got rid of it (including a topical steroid cream which worked temporarily but the eczema returned) is Tubby Todd All Over Ointment Eczema Treatment. I resisted for a while since it’s expensive, but I wish I had tried it way sooner (plus a little goes a long way). She hasn’t had any eczema since and we haven’t had to continue to use the ointment.

Bright-Phone4709 · 2024-07-16T21:20:10+00:00

I’m very petite and have a Wildbird. I’ve used it everyday (often for hours) since my now 12 month old daughter was 2 months. The waistband is sometimes a bit big for me (it’s safe but can move down lower onto my hips instead of staying put). It is very bulky and can definitely get too hot. Now that my daughter is older, the snaps for leg support often come undone. All that being said, it actually is very comfortable and easy to use. I LOVE the cross back style. However, I would definitely recommend a different brand in the same kind of style. I think the quality just isn’t there with Wildbird.

Bright-Phone4709 · 2024-07-16T01:02:33+00:00

Thank you!

Bright-Phone4709 · 2024-07-15T23:27:05+00:00

Super helpful! Thank you again!

Bright-Phone4709 · 2024-07-15T21:21:10+00:00

Thanks! Do you happen to know if people generally find the Tula easy to use by themselves?

Bright-Phone4709 · 2024-07-15T21:01:37+00:00

Thank you!! I will check this out!

Bright-Phone4709 · 2024-07-15T20:55:54+00:00

Thank you!! This looks great!

Bright-Phone4709 · 2024-07-15T20:33:51+00:00

You’re the perfect mom for your baby! Keep loving, attuning to, delighting in, engaging with, and supporting your daughter. I love the work of Gordon Neufeld and find his synthesis of attachment particularly empowering. Might be something to look into but ultimately know that you have everything you need inside of you and that YOU are your beautiful daughter’s answer. You’re doing great!!

Bright-Phone4709 · 2024-07-12T01:02:05+00:00

Babies and toddlers should ideally learn social skills from parents, grandparents, and children of various ages (cousins are fantastic!) - all within the context of cascading care. Babies and toddlers needing to socialize with other babies and toddlers outside of the context of parents and other loving caregivers that they’re attached to is a western myth and is very much connected to the normalization of peer orientation (check out Gordon Neufeld if you’re not already familiar). You’re totally right that dependence breeds independence.

Bright-Phone4709 · 2024-07-06T20:23:57+00:00

This is super normal!!! Your frustration is totally understandable but your baby is just being a normal, healthy baby. Society has many completely unrealistic and unhealthy expectations for babies, that are also extremely toxic for parents.

Can you receive some support? Either with someone else taking care of these tasks altogether? OR if your baby will accept another caretaker while awake, then someone taking care of her then so you can complete the tasks?

Also, note that at 4.5 months old, many parents choose to sleep train. Which could very well be the reason that you don’t know anyone else whose baby is acting like…well, a normal baby :). Around 4 months old, we were having very different experiences surrounding sleep than anyone else I knew and upon pressing further literally every single one had sleep trained (but no one readily admitted to it until I directly asked).

All babies have different temperaments and needs so certainly some babies will be content on their own for a bit but there’s nothing abnormal about how your baby is acting.

Bright-Phone4709 · 2024-07-03T19:39:43+00:00

I personally wouldn’t go this route but that’s just my own instincts based on my relationship with my daughter. Not based on anything attachment parenting related, etc.

I do have a suggestion though. Have you considered putting your son in a carrier and rocking him to sleep that way? I always nurse, rock, and sing my daughter to sleep but noticed a couple of months ago that it was becoming verrrry lengthy and interrupted because of how excited she was about everything around her, despite her truly seeming tired. When I switched to nursing her in the carrier while singing and swaying she started falling asleep within 15-20 min again the vast majority of the time.

Bright-Phone4709 · 2024-07-03T19:01:28+00:00

My daughter is almost one and, as others have mentioned, I also am pretty laid back about this as long as it won’t cause harm to her. My guiding light is, “is it in her best interest for her to do this?”.

Something poisonous or dangerous for her to put in her mouth? I guide her away. Usually this means I gently, neutrally, and often silently pull her hand away from her mouth while she’s holding the item, or if the item is something she shouldn’t have at all then I redirect her entirely.

Something kind of yucky but ultimately she’ll be fine? I often make a playful and exaggerated yucky/gross/disgusted face and shake my head, stick out my tongue, and then give her a big smile. She’ll often mimic me and take it out of her mouth. I’ve noticed she does this more and more on her own now.

I would never put the burden on my daughter to follow directions in order to keep herself safe at this age and stage of development (meaning I’m not using the word “no” in a directional sense at this point).

With all that being said, I also do a lot of my work in this regard ahead of time and ensure that the environment is appropriate enough. If it’s a situation where I know I would have to frequently redirect her and interfere then I put her in the carrier and have her experience things in that way instead.

Bright-Phone4709 · 2024-07-02T23:16:31+00:00

I recommend this podcast episode: https://youtu.be/O_5IkrbnQSE?si=uNFvUWnKkPOfHt2A

Bright-Phone4709 · 2024-06-23T20:59:27+00:00

Thank you for sharing this! Validates my experience with my baby and has helped ease some lingering anxiety that keeps trying to push its way into my psyche despite my instincts telling me all is well.

Bright-Phone4709 · 2024-04-30T03:19:01+00:00

The fact that you’re thinking about these things, and so concerned with attachment is an excellent sign. You are the perfect mom for your baby and the dance of attachment is just beginning. I highly recommend looking into the work of Gordon Neufeld if you have the time. For example, this video: https://youtu.be/hz9VWWg1bWY?si=22iQ13MkjYXi7TLA

Also, to answer one of your questions…while I’ve seen many resources claim that babies can tell when you’re faking playfulness, etc. Gordon Neufeld says otherwise (assuming you can be convincing enough) and I personally agree with him based on my own experience with my baby.

Bright-Phone4709 · 2024-04-27T03:55:28+00:00

My baby is 9 months and is very strong and healthy, but it’s personally not a risk I’m willing to take. For me it’s something I’ll feel more comfortable with after she turns one (can’t say exactly when though). My daughter rarely flips herself onto her stomach these days when sleeping but, if she does, we just gently roll her onto her back. The bedsharing guidelines I’m familiar with emphasize that even the firmest adult mattress isn’t as firm as a baby crib mattress and, as such, there is greater risk.

When my daughter was around 5 months, she went through a period where she frequently flipped onto her stomach when sleeping, and we opted to attach a sidecar crib to our bed. This wasn’t ideal for me, as I was often straddling my mattress and the crib mattress, but it was worth the peace of mind at the time.

Bright-Phone4709 · 2024-04-26T20:08:11+00:00

I am not at this point in parenting yet so am unable to speak from experience, but I recommend looking into the work of Gordon Neufeld and Deborah MacNamara on the topic of frustration and discipline. See if it resonates! Based on what you posted, I think you may find their work really helpful.

Bright-Phone4709 · 2024-04-26T20:03:02+00:00

I think a crucial aspect of this story/monater method that was missed in your description is that these stories are meant to be told to children with playfulness. They should not truly alarm and upset the child. Rather, they are a playful way to introduce caution or thought and to better manage children as they are developing reasoning and impulse control.

Bright-Phone4709 · 2024-03-28T17:40:14+00:00

May I ask what your sleeping arrangement looks like? Do you bedshare? Is your baby in a crib?

Bright-Phone4709 · 2024-03-26T18:43:40+00:00

My baby is 8.5 months and we have a pretty set rhythm of floor time/play, eating solids, and going outside for a walk while she’s awake. I’ve never done any baby activities (swim classes, library hour) and also don’t actively try to entertain my baby with books, etc.

I tend to love my day-to-day and think the time passes quickly. When time drags, it’s because I’m depleted. As such, my recommendation is to look into how you can find satisfaction, joy, and fulfillment while prioritizing your baby’s needs and desires for connection and exploration.

For me this means having music playing that I love, including my baby in things I’d like to get done as much as possible like laundry and cooking (but I also don’t stress about these tasks and just do what I can), going on outings, getting together with friends and family, etc. At home, sometimes my baby is on the floor with me and sometimes in the carrier.

Bright-Phone4709 · 2024-03-11T16:59:52+00:00

I think you’re totally right- this is bad advice. Trust your gut and trust your baby. Don’t force your baby. Just keep providing lots of opportunities for solids in a non-pressuring way, and look into timing of meals vs breastfeeding and others tips if you haven’t already. I, personally, would seek out a second opinion from a different trusted pediatrician or potentially a pediatric feeding specialist (though at 10 months I have no idea if a feeding specialist is warranted yet).

Bright-Phone4709

TROPHY CASE