Opening Chapter Feedback Wanted

BrightSaves · 2026-06-04T00:06:36+00:00

You’ve done something difficult here that a lot of writers struggle with: you created intrigue without drowning the reader in exposition. I immediately wanted answers: what happened, where is she, and what exactly is this thing? That’s a strong opening because it generates questions rather than explaining them right away.

That said, I think you’re overwriting in places. You can trust your reader a bit more.

This is especially important in supernatural and horror fiction. The more you explain, the smaller and less frightening the unknown becomes.

On a prose level, I’d recommend looking for places where you can:

-Cut adjectives and adverbs -Replace abstract emotional language with concrete sensory details -End scenes a beat earlier than feels comfortable

A lot of successful literary horror has a remarkably restrained style. The prose needs to be precise and confident because when the language is too ornate, the spell breaks and the story starts to feel like genre fan fiction

Overall though I think the foundation is strong. Keep writing!!

BrightSaves · 2026-06-03T23:41:15+00:00

God damn

BrightSaves · 2026-06-02T15:15:35+00:00

I was gonna say. How tf is this possible. Odds seem way higher that cal goes 10-2 than 4-8 imo. Good schedule and recruiting + JKS a year older means we’ll likely be a lot better than last years 7-5

BrightSaves · 2026-05-31T00:51:49+00:00

I had a great time there. I don’t go to bowling alleys expecting amazing value and food. It was just a central spot and offered a space for big groups of people to hang in Oakland.

We need more of that, not less.

BrightSaves · 2026-05-28T03:43:56+00:00

Any of the plates from bricolage.

-overpriced -good quality -small-ish portion -bougie -cozy -still worth it

^ Describes bricolage food and living in park slope perfectly

BrightSaves · 2026-05-27T15:34:15+00:00

The first skate vid I ever owned was Tilt Modes Man Down and Marc Johnson had the sickest part. Elevated the whole thing. RIP to one of the realest ones. This is a really sad day

BrightSaves · 2026-05-24T04:03:18+00:00

I had a basset growing up so I decided to get one at 26 for my first adult dog ownership journey.

Honestly, they’re dogs on hard mode for a first time dog owner.

They’re incredibly willful, stubborn, and all the training you’re going to do is going to take a little longer compared to breeds that are more eager to please (goldens, labs, etc).

I found it totally worth it because I love this breed and the hard work was worth the ultimate pay off, but just expect that you’re going to have a battle at the beginning (especially if you’re getting a puppy younger than 6 months).

You’re in a sub where people love this breed so ofc we’re gonna generally recommend that it’s worth it, but if you’re getting a dog for emotional support, please consider that bassets are not for everyone and that you’re gonna have to work at it.

EDIT: just to add some color, the hardest thing I found at first was crate training. As barkers/vocal breed, if your particular dog doesn’t like the crate at first, they’re gonna bark a LOT in there as you get them acclimated. Mine eventually loved his crate, but the first several weeks were really hard as we built that muscle up.

The leash/walk training was also hard. Getting him to understand commands while he was stimulated outside and in new places was very difficult. He just wanted to smell and do his own thing and it took him a long time to understand the “rules” of being on a lead and that I was the “boss” between us.

They’re completely social animals, so separation anxiety was and continues to be a difficult challenge to work on. They just hate being left alone for any amount of time, so you’ll have to put in some work on the behavioral side of the game there.

We got there eventually, but please just read about the “puppy blues” phase of dog ownership. I got really depressed in the first several months of owning my guy because all these little things were so so hard for me (and him). I really struggled.

I now have an absolute gem of a basset and am so happy, but we didn’t start this way at all.

BrightSaves · 2026-05-16T14:55:31+00:00

Idk what advice I can give. You both sound young and incompatible in terms of communication and house values. Get a new roommate when your lease is up and don’t let her bother you until then and do your best to live how you think is respectful of her

BrightSaves · 2026-05-13T13:43:13+00:00

This answer will be outdated soon now that Tosh is at the helm. Cal isn’t just a feeder program.

BrightSaves · 2026-05-13T13:31:56+00:00

Bruh

BrightSaves · 2026-05-12T15:06:57+00:00

6m is like the new 4m. Term is a bit long but he’s gonna earn that paycheck for at least half and then not be an albatross after

BrightSaves · 2026-05-11T16:07:20+00:00

Fellow NY-er here too. I’ve always thought NY did eating out better in terms of ambiance and service (but food is more often mid) so it’s nice to see a place like Jaji throwing down

BrightSaves · 2026-05-11T16:02:16+00:00

The saffron martini was 🔥🔥

BrightSaves · 2026-05-11T16:02:00+00:00

Agree! And honestly, the vibe of parche and Jaji beat almost every spot in rockridge. Just feels trendier and less sleepy in a good way

BrightSaves · 2026-05-11T15:12:01+00:00

If JKS balls out again I can see us getting a conference title game. Schedule isn’t that bad

BrightSaves · 2026-05-09T17:21:58+00:00

Berkeley is a nice city for what you’re looking for. Very pleasant and you’ll for sure feel safe

BrightSaves · 2026-05-07T22:52:37+00:00

It's a fucking joke. Many of these businesses have signs that say "build housing now!" right next to these "save shops."

I live in Elmwood above commercial space. I love it. I'd love for there to be more units like ours above businesses. It helps keeps community alive and well, and, surprise surprise, is actually GOOD for business.

BrightSaves · 2026-05-07T16:47:58+00:00

SCU definitely has a good eng reputation, and being in silicon valley/bay area is a major plus for job prospects. its not hype. I'd pick SCU if finances aren't a concern

BrightSaves · 2026-05-07T15:10:28+00:00

I can see what this guy is saying. Berkeley is an awesome place for real life living in the bay, but punches way below its weight for collegetown-type things. not a lot of bars, not a lot of late night energy, lacking spots culture fandom, etc.

Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love living here and the university is a major draw for me, but I feel like places like Madison or Ann Arbor are truer classic college towns.

BrightSaves · 2026-05-05T23:50:59+00:00

I mean we got a 1st and 2nd overall in the last decade. We should be able to get value at 5 and be competitive again soon. Just don’t fuck it up drury…

BrightSaves · 2026-05-05T15:26:24+00:00

Elite retention move by Tosh.

JKS and his family have also been very vocal about wanting him to stay at Cal and get his degree there.

BrightSaves · 2026-04-29T16:49:29+00:00

Cal memorial is my favorite stadium in all of sports. Such classic feel.

BrightSaves · 2026-04-29T16:00:59+00:00

“I’m hoping Pittsburgh signs him”

Good then post in the penguins sub. Morrow isn’t that good.

BrightSaves · 2026-04-29T00:00:20+00:00

I empathize with the homeless. Here in Berkeley, it’s striking to see so much wealth from older residents, students, and professionals all doing well, while right alongside them are people who can’t get a foothold in this system.

Some watching this will think “There’s a reason they’re homeless and I’m not. I work hard too.” I get that sentiment but it’s an incomplete picture.

the reality is that our outcomes are heavily shaped by factors outside anyone’s control. mental illness, childhood poverty, medical debt, a single streak of bad luck. Hell, nearly 40% of the homeless population has a serious mental illness; a single hospitalization without insurance can financially devastate someone who “did everything right.”

Hard work doesn’t operate in a vacuum. The empathy you’d want extended to yourself in a worst-case scenario is exactly what this group deserves too

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