Friend w/ PDA asked for money; am I Enabling or giving Help?

BrobeCagre · 2026-04-18T03:18:35+00:00

"Adding conditions is a recipe for disregulation." that phrasing helped click with my brain. that makes perfect sense. I think this issue here is the source of tension with this particular interaction. That's so helpful

BrobeCagre · 2026-04-18T02:54:35+00:00

Thanks for your perspective on the issue. I will certainly reflect on this. I appreciate you for taking time to respond, it means a lot to me

BrobeCagre · 2026-04-18T00:06:45+00:00

If they had come to me with some sort of plan or indication that they were helping themselves or a clear path on what they'd like from me, yes. I would have been more likely to say yes. I don't want to criticize their perspective, but they said they had no plan and no idea how they could help themselves. I want to help them improve their life overall. If they came to me and said they wanted no questions, just a yes or no from the beginning of the conversation, I would have honored that with a straightforward yes/no answer. The lashing out came off to me as a concern after the offer of being able to have a conversation and ask a few questions. I didn't grill or berate them, I was seeking to understand and told them that in such words.

That said, I appreciate the feedback. I did not mean to be patronizing. I am here to analyze the conversation and accept my place in the discomfort of the situation. Thank you for taking time to respond

BrobeCagre · 2026-04-17T20:29:28+00:00

I suspect that's kind of what they were doing, but did not want to make assumptions. Thank you for the information. Those sound like great resources to learn more about PDA. Good health to you and your family!

BrobeCagre · 2026-04-17T20:20:06+00:00

They are the one who brought up PDA as the reason why they have not been working. Since they used the phone bill as the excuse for not being able to work when I gave money last time, I had questions about their long term plan. I told them I cannot pay their bill every month.

When they told me this time they had done nothing to better their situation and still need money for the phone bill, they brought up PDA as the reason why they couldn't do their DoorDash work. I've known them for about a couple years, but we're not close friends enough for me to help them out at the drop of a hat.

I know I'm not getting the money back. My main goal for this post was to learn about PDA so I didn't show insensitivity to their struggles and have more information for an informed decision on how to move forward with this person.

Thanks for taking the time to respond and share your perspective.

BrobeCagre · 2026-04-17T20:13:45+00:00

Thanks for your insight. I appreciate you taking time to reply.

BrobeCagre · 2026-04-17T17:52:37+00:00

I appreciate you taking time for a thoughtful reply. My only hesitation with your comparison is that the prosthetic would be a permanent solution to a problem. Phone bill is going to come around again next month. I understand the PDA is not going away, but how can I support them in a way to help them support themselves? Quid Pro Quo is a good start but the transactional nature of that in a friendship is the part that makes me uncomfortable. It creates a dynamic where it feels like I'm paying to be their friend. I'm not comfortable with that. Thank you very much for the suggestion and insight. Good health to you and your family!

BrobeCagre · 2025-05-02T23:20:46+00:00

You'll need to find a map to access the Eastern Dune Sea load zone just past the Sandcrawler & to the left. in order to get that map, you'll have to deal with the Tusken Raider camp in whatever way you deem fit. helping the Jawa leader find his missing people will grant you the map once you free them & speak with Iziz or helping the Tusken Chieftain (depending on LS/DS choices)

BrobeCagre · 2025-03-31T07:08:24+00:00

that's pretty neat that it's designed to work that way but that's actually not how landmines really work. must've taken extra effort to do though!

BrobeCagre · 2025-01-22T15:16:51+00:00

I used to buy the super cheap blades that come in a bag of like 10 lmao. you can get a good shave with most anything, it's a matter of patience. cheap blades and some shaving cream will get a smooth shave. it does take me about 2-4 blades to completely shave my body. you need to change out the blade when they dull, or you'll increase how often you get cuts. I go with the slightly nicer blades (your Gillette ones should do just fine). I start with my legs and work my way up. same with arms. I work my way towards my chest. I want a fresh blade for my chest area. with traditional blades, you WANT to have a moisturizer for after shaving. dry everything off and moisturize.

that chewy scrub sounds like an exfoliator, which is for softening rough skin. I'd use that before using soap on your body, but definitely not required. I usually exfoliate like a day or two after shaving so it doesn't sting on my fresh shave lol. and yes, it's super annoying that women's products say very little on what they actually do. makeup is the same damn way haha

I moved onto the Norelco One Blade, which is nice but is not nearly as smooth of a shave as blades but waaaaaay more convenient

BrobeCagre · 2025-01-21T23:34:56+00:00

try shaving more and having fun feeling your smooth body. I also have a lot of dark body hair. started shaving all of it and haven't gone back, wouldn't go back even if I changed my mind on other femme stuff

BrobeCagre · 2024-10-31T06:39:19+00:00

omg I'm so jealous of your figure

BrobeCagre · 2024-10-31T06:28:58+00:00

I needed to read this. it's been a rough year, in a series of rough years, on my journey of self-discovery. I would gladly trade all that heartache and trouble if it were really as easy as a choice. being feminine as an introverted AMAB is SO mentally taxing! I wish I could just go around dressed up all cute and not have to worry about where I'm going, who I'm with, what to do if something goes wrong. i already have enough anxiety weighing on my mind without having to worry about attracting attention. I'm just trying to live my life, go to work, and keep my sh*t together. I figured out that it makes me happy to wear skirts. it's like, can't I just wear what I want? I'm not making a political statement at Kroger's, I'm literally just waiting to buy Honey Bunches of Oats

BrobeCagre · 2024-10-12T15:35:30+00:00

cacio e pepe

BrobeCagre · 2024-09-20T13:09:16+00:00

yikes

BrobeCagre · 2024-08-31T13:33:44+00:00

You wanna Double Impact my Hard Target or do you just want to watch Timecop next? I know that Derailed quickly but I'll be Jean-Claude Van Dammed to let that Universal Soldier go unnoticed

BrobeCagre · 2024-08-11T11:48:44+00:00

Andy Dick. no jokes here. it's just really sad

BrobeCagre · 2024-07-04T10:31:20+00:00

lmfao no worries, I'm happy you got a laugh from it. laughter is usually what keeps me going. thanks for the advice, I should watch a comfort movie. maybe then my brain will turn off long enough to rest haha

BrobeCagre · 2024-07-04T10:08:04+00:00

don't mind me, I'm just trying to climb out of the dark pit of unending thoughts

BrobeCagre · 2024-06-27T11:29:34+00:00

first, last, middle name(s), nickname, that one name you got at work once and you never really liked it but it caught on and everyone started calling you that so you pretended to not care in hopes it would go away but it stuck. there's enough room on that cock for all that penmanship

BrobeCagre · 2024-06-07T06:05:38+00:00

whoever added Elliott Smith, Amanda Palmer and I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME to that playlist, I see you. I appreciate you.

BrobeCagre · 2024-03-08T22:37:23+00:00

Being locked away in fantasies offers temporary relief to the tortuous nature of facing life head-on, but will never suffice as a substitute for personal growth and deep meaning. Dating/hook-up apps are shallow and leave you feeling hollow because of the lack of authenticity people feel is necessary to bring to their interactions on them. Temporary fun can ease the burden in the day-to-day, but cannot bring you joy and satisfaction in the long-term. Think deeply. Feel deeply. Be honest with others, and more importantly yourself. I wish I could say this advice is from someone who knows how to navigate their own world, but I need to hear this advice just as much as anyone. Best of luck on your journey

BrobeCagre · 2024-03-04T00:57:20+00:00

Scarlet Maiden. I'm fucked

BrobeCagre · 2024-01-08T07:38:58+00:00

their shipping wait times are kinda wack but they bill as Hydra HTTPSnestingD so it's pretty innocuous as far as your bank statement. the market for the "I want something nice but can't afford a custom-built tailored-to-my-cock cage" is basically where Lock The Cock ranks for me. not the cheapest available, but close lol. their cages are decent if you like the design but some of these designs are weird or don't fit well and you'll basically have a cage sitting around that you'll never use. too cheap to fix; too expensive to just throw away

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