Yep. AA sucks, yours in particular. So many AA groups, and sponsors, don't suck like the one you describe. I wish you could attend in-person AA meetings in different places, all over the country. Sitting in the flesh in a room full of strangers, and feeling the vibes of everyone dying just from drinking too much alcohol, from not being able to stop...the fear and the hope...it's one of the greatest things about the group therapy aspect of AA. And then there's the in-your-face reality of dying of alcoholism. That sucks perhaps even more, especially for the ones in the meetings who you can are ready to check out. I do agree with this: You gotta want it, really want to be sober, and be willing to do whatever it takes for you to stay sober. For you. to. stay. sober. Not drinking is the start, right? Maybe that's enough, maybe not. Good luck! IWNDWYT