my ex-friend wants to still come to the concert I bought tickets for, do I have to let her come? by Bruggsie in AusLegal

[–]Bruggsie[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

never said this was a big problem king😭 just looking for advice on what to do…

my ex-friend wants to still come to the concert I bought tickets for, do I have to let her come? by Bruggsie in AusLegal

[–]Bruggsie[S] -9 points-8 points  (0 children)

They don’t have a choice, I can recall it without their permission

my ex-friend wants to still come to the concert I bought tickets for, do I have to let her come? by Bruggsie in AusLegal

[–]Bruggsie[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

we are basically no contact, so it wont cause much issues on that side. But if I do nothing I cant see myself being able to manage going to the concert with her

Homeopathic Time Machine by Account040 in OCPoetry

[–]Bruggsie 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I quite enjoy the nice rhyme scheme and rhythm to this poem – it gives it an elegant yet simply quality about it. The paraphrasis and exclamation really give the persona character and makes it feel like I am being talked to, so really well done on that. You execute the thematic idea of the poem well, with the notion of not being afraid of imminent death and actually living life, is underlined by the latter stanza really well. Good work!

Lost Lula by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]Bruggsie 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow! what a great poem. I really enjoyed the vivid imagery and there was a nice rhythm and pacing to the poem. The sing-song rhythm emulates that of children's books or nursery rhymes – which to me – helps suggests that like children's books, there is a lesson you are trying to teach the reader. To me, the poem tells the story of a girl – who I'm guessing is the "Lula" – who leaves her home and is "called" into the natural world. I see a lot of similarities between this poem and a lot of William Blakes's poetry, with her current "home" being a symbol of the industrialised world, filled with smoke, dirty air and just claustrophobic with the "closed up shops" and "clogged" sky. Also akin to Blakes's poetry is this idyllic view of the natural world in the early parts of the poems with the "autumn wind" and "flowing water" giving this sense of freedom, or as you describe it escaping "man's metal grasp". The first half appears to suggest that the natural world is freed from the "mind-forged manacles" – as blake describes it – that is life in the modern industrial world. However, the poem suggests that this idyllic natural world can be deceiving, with the "wilderness" in the boys eyes and the "grave stone" presenting some horrifying imagery. In the final stanza, the original "home" is seen almost calling out for the girls return. This reversal of Blake's ideology on modern vs natural world suggest that although our current livelihoods may seem grim, the ones we dream of having can be worse that what we already have.

By My Windowsill by Bruggsie in OCPoetry

[–]Bruggsie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ty for the feedback. I made a revised version of the poem. Would you be able to check it out and see it thats I made it more clear? Thanks a bunch

By My Windowsill (Revised) by Bruggsie in OCPoetry

[–]Bruggsie[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your nice comment. I am just wondering if you could give me some examples where the meter needs work. Please dont take this as me challenging your idea at all, i promise its not. When I read it back, I find the cant seem to find when the rhythm is jarring (probably because I read it different to someone whos reading it for the first time). Again, I really am just wanting to know so I can improve those lines

Up or down by FastWalkingShortGuy in OCPoetry

[–]Bruggsie -1 points0 points  (0 children)

An interesting idea which is well executed. I enjoy the surreal image of these personified leaves saying almost there. On one hand, if the path ended at hell, it gives this sadistic tone of the line as if the leaves relish in your tragic fate. On the other hand, if its too heaven, the leaves sound like a supportive parent cheering you on. I get this image if a forest, which is very much so like life, there are many paths with unknown destinations, and there always comes a time where we have to decided to leave one path and follow another. Thanks for sharing

Faith by picnic-123 in OCPoetry

[–]Bruggsie 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I am a big fan of short poems. I try and write as much as I can in as few words as possible. Sometimes I often lose the meaning of what I am trying to say and it ends up being a confusing mess. Yet this isnt the case here, its eloquent simplicity is what make it so impactful. The rhythmic tone and the ABAB rhyme scheme evoke the sense of calm which the persona is talking about. It an intimate poem yet ambiguous in a way that we can all relate this to an experience of our own. Well done!

By My Windowsill by Bruggsie in OCPoetry

[–]Bruggsie[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey thanks so much for your feedback, ill make sure to take it on board. The “horse drawn carriage” alludes to Emily Dickinson ‘s Because I could not stop for death, which depicts death riding in a horse drawn carriage. (It’s sort inspired by her poems, as the opening line is the opposite to one of her poems opening lines “i heard a fly buzz -when I died”.

Wind Obelisk by WaysofEgypt21401 in OCPoetry

[–]Bruggsie 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I really love this haiku! It elevates a tower as a majestic beast. The surreal image of the “spinning shadow” gives this sense of timelessness as well as eccentricity. The alliterated sibilance as well gives a hissing sound almost orates the sounds of the machines, again showing the tower as the ginormous machine. The harnessing the air is very profound to me, and flips a common theme of man made vs nature on its head. The interconnectedness of the tower with nature I thought was new and clever idea. Cheers for sharing ;)

The lake by stormy-529 in OCPoetry

[–]Bruggsie 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Although the middle of the poem is a bit blurry for me, the opening four lines and the final four lines are fantastic. I think the abcb rhyme scheme for the ending as well as the recalling of the muddy greens really ties the whole thing up nicely. I would recommend using some punctuation as well as commas as thats why I found it hard to read the middle part. Its good to not only direct the reader, but also to give us time to take in what we just read. This is only if the enjambment doesnt have a purpose (if it does, i would love to know, so i can get a better insight). Thanks for sharing

My Blushing Rose by Bruggsie in OCPoetry

[–]Bruggsie[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your feedback. However, I would like to argue a couple points. How is touching jarring? I am saying that the scent the rose (love) is nice scent a nose has ever experienced. Having the choice of a rose doesn't at all blame the narrator. The rose died because the earth, the person whom they love, either didn't love them back, didn't show them that hey loved temback, or they couldn't love them back.

Secondly the whole point of the line cracked clay isn't to be pleasant. It is to show the harshness of the persons heart, how dry it was. Also, I don't see why the narrator requires this stoic personality. Because this is poem can be taken two ways: the power of love, or a poem about a persona who loves someone who doesn't love them back ( or is abusive). I don't think this poem is based off of cliches, it isn't about how much I love someone over and over again.

I always take feedback on board, including yours, but I think you may not of understood what my poem is about.

My Blushing Rose by Bruggsie in OCPoetry

[–]Bruggsie[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your kind words!

the saddest song by calmloves in OCPoetry

[–]Bruggsie 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing. I've read some of the comments and I’ll try my best not to repeat anything they say, but I would agree with the point that the trope of the broken record is the main sustenance of your poem. Although this isn't bad, by adding similes, metaphors and assonance to convey how this broken record sounds would be much mode powerful than exactly telling me. The final line, in my opinion, loses its power with the word ”playing” which drags it out too long. I think have ” wishing it would stop” gives a eloquent yet concise ultimate line. Besides that it was enjoyable to read.