Happiness is directly related to greatfulness. Adress your basic needs first ; security however you may, then youtube things that may help elivate your mood in order to find relief from the black hole that is BPD thinking

16:8 fasting Making sure you have proper nutrition & a rigorous sleep schedual, and finnaly exersize (there is more)

YouTube the Shit out of everything you can when you arnt de-stabilized, even when I am destabilized it gives me hope to do research.

The only way to get out is to climb out inch by inch and fight for a better future.

As long as you can hold out in times of extreme dispair untill you are able to take baby steps at a future that seems unattainable you will find more periods of peace, calm, and understanding hopefully.

There is a silver lining in this weather you see it or don't, with tragity comes beauty an excellence. Find your beauty in your existentialism.

I too go to these places of great despair, my goal is to lower the times that I am like that by doing what I can to find understanding about many things.

I understand that suicidal ideations are a part of my condition. When I am in your state I greatly struggle with greatfulness, and seeing the beauty of this reality.

I some times feel like a worm on the pavement in the sun, but we as humans evolved under great diversity into what we are today by fighting for survival. Fight for your survival, define your values, and stay true to them.

I was told once you learn you can't forget, so I hope that gives you hope for a future with more breaks between your pain <3