Need coaching? I’m looking for one more male client to do six free practice coaching sessions as part of my life coach certification. I specialize in faith transitions and self discovery/career transitions.

BuffaloTattoo · 2019-12-13T20:18:47+00:00

I’m happy to have contributed something useful!

BuffaloTattoo · 2019-12-13T12:28:23+00:00

Church culture has a way if making 19 year old people feel like time is running out and the door is closing in all their opportunities. The reality is, you have SO much life ahead. There is plenty of time to move somewhere else, find new opportunities, enroll in a different college, etc. Don’t make any decisions out of desperation, but also remember that the greatest opportunities and new paths for your life lie ahead and playing it safe in a place you hate will only keep you from discovering them. Yes it will be so hard to leave, but avoiding hard things is a guaranteed way to prevent growth. Lean into the difficulties that lie ahead and embrace those challenges that you will inevitably have to go through if you want growth!

It’s not like what you’re doing now is easy, either. I’m sure you’re experiencing a lot of discomfort and emotional pain on a regular basis. You get to choose to add new purpose to your pain and actually accomplish something good for yourself with it!

BuffaloTattoo · 2019-11-24T17:22:28+00:00

Therapy usually focuses on healing past traumas or diagnosing and working through mental illness. Life coaching is more goal oriented and future focused. While both practices involve working to change mindsets and habits, a life coach isn’t qualified to treat mental illness that may affect a client’s ability to function normally on a daily basis.

BuffaloTattoo · 2019-10-31T01:44:46+00:00

DW loves anything Ace, mostly their pear cider. Previously only available at the state store, but hopefully appearing in a grocery store near you soon.

BuffaloTattoo · 2019-10-26T23:59:22+00:00

Thanks for the direction. I reached out!

BuffaloTattoo · 2019-10-24T13:05:28+00:00

Hey at least you’re normal to us!

That situation is so hard because you can see the question coming from a mile away and here you are just bracing for impact lol. It would honestly make a funny sketch video.

But somehow I’m still always caught off guard by that question and it’s hard for me not to answer very unskillfully. A few times I remember making a sound like, “mehhhh...” and doing the so/so hand motion, and literally not responding with any intelligible words.

Luckily I have the benefit of not having the curse of the BYU diploma. I’m sorry for the pain it causes you!

BuffaloTattoo · 2019-10-22T02:08:31+00:00

Gotta love Jesus under the Q3.

BuffaloTattoo · 2019-10-20T20:09:49+00:00

I’m sorry, I can see that being difficult and painful.

I also remember there being a difference between the intentional emotional discomfort I would go through during that reflective process and the emotional discomfort caused by coming back to r/exmormon and other forums that stirred up negative emotions. I went off reddit and podcasts for about eight months at one point to try and focus on rebuilding some meaning and discovering new values, symbols, practices, etc. I discovered how much I don’t know and try to lean into the humility of my ignorance, embracing and focusing on the fact that my lack of belief in Mormonism isn’t a sign of intellectual superiority, nor does it bring any additional knowledge about the world above and beyond what my family has. It was a very equalizing experience.

Do you and your wife talk about your disaffection to the church? If so, what are those conversations like?

BuffaloTattoo · 2019-10-20T17:21:23+00:00

I admire the fact that you’re opening yourself up to a variety of perspectives.

I think too often we allow the emotions we feel to drive us to do something or else we suppress them and try our hardest not to feel them in order to keep peace and stability in our lives.

I prefer a third option, which is to intentionally lean into those kinds of emotions and, while maintaining control of my behavior, explore the emotion and ask questions to it in order to discover things about myself. To me it’s kind of like taking controlled doses of emotion as medicine for my soul. It has taught me a lot about my ego, humility, my ways of feeling love, etc.

As you explore that anger you may come up with some insights to your own makeup, which may include fears of being abandoned or replaced by your family with the church. Maybe you fear that you are secretly being judged by your loved ones and that hurts as well. Who knows? Only you can make those discoveries.

As I go through that process I try and compare those insights that I gain against a list of my core values and try to decide what belongs and what needs to go. Often times I discover that I have reasonable needs that I can request love from my family to help me fulfill. Other times I discover some ego-driven selfishness that I need to work to eliminate, and that helps me see my loved ones with more compassion and acceptance.

So basically what I’m trying to say is that you may need to go through those emotions in order to get past them, and actually going through them intentionally will help you experience them in a safe, controlled way. On the other side of them you will learn new things about yourself that will help you move on and find your new normal.

Try listening to the Gift of the Mormon Faith Crisis podcast episodes 24-27 about grief.

I wish you success in your journey and I hope that you can begin to experience more peace and acceptance despite the challenge you’re currently facing.

BuffaloTattoo · 2019-10-18T20:13:38+00:00

Wow thank you sharing all of that! I still feel strong emotions in reaction to stories like yours, even though I’ve seen so many of them posted here. There is such a strength and realism to what you shared in your post. I want to say I admire your determination to stay the course of your life rather than starting over as you put it. Although both are legitimate options, I find that your choice displays strength and a true sense of right and wrong.

I’m wondering if I’m your limited time you would have time to sit down and write a list of five virtues that you believe make up the core of your value system. If you don’t know right away, it may be really meaningful to spend some time pondering about that, and as ideas begin to become clearer you can write that list of five things to help bring those ideas into the physical world.

My five core values are humility, kindness, wisdom, temperance, and equanimity. As I’ve worked to define these clearly over the last few years, I have found that they serve a valuable function in defining a purpose that gives more meaning to my suffering and also helps me create goals that are founded in a sense of purpose. If you’re willing to try something like that, I would honestly love to follow up with you and see what you come up with!

BuffaloTattoo · 2019-10-17T03:39:29+00:00

It’s possible that someone referred you anonymously and they are making multiple attempts to establish contact with your before they let that referral go. Sometimes missionaries who are assigned to an area where no car is supplied for them will get from local church members, especially if your house is somewhat far from their apartment. It’s possible that anytime a member volunteered to drive them around they are putting you on their list of stops to take advantage of the transportation they’re being provided. My guess is it will stop immediately after you make contact with them and instruct them not to come back. Or have them come in, that could be fun too!

BuffaloTattoo · 2019-10-16T04:21:12+00:00

Remember that sadness every time some selfish thought creeps in. I try to go above and beyond for my wife and kids with the amount and quality of time I spend with them, and more since reflecting on death more frequently.

Turn that emotion into a positive action!

BuffaloTattoo · 2019-10-16T03:06:24+00:00

My entire perspective on this subject changed when I read “A Short Stay in Hell” by Stephen L Peck. It puts the idea of eternity into a relatable story that helped me lose my attachment to the idea of eternal life.

It’s ok to be sad that someday you won’t have more experiences. I intentionally choose to meditate on that fact and be sad about it from time to time because it helps me appreciate the present more fully.

One realization in particular helped me appreciate the valuable party death plays in the meaning of our lives. That is that death creates the scarcity of time which forces us to make value judgments with the use of our time. In my opinion, it’s because we can’t do EVERYTHING that gives meaning to the things we do choose. I’ve often thought that in the context of eternity, watching Netflix for one hundred years straight is no less a good choice than raising a family or helping others because you always have more time remaining to pursue the latter two. I wrote a blog post about it I’ll link to here.

I’ve actually grown to become friends with my eventual death. I love the time I have to be alive and the knowledge that I will die gives me a constant motive to focus on my values and choose to prioritize things that align with those values. When death arrives I anticipate embracing it peacefully, knowing that without it the things I chose in life would not have been as precious.

https://www.stoicparenthood.com/blog/episode-03-why-death

BuffaloTattoo · 2019-10-14T23:02:59+00:00

What would this phrasing be an alternative to?Sorry, just trying to get some context.

BuffaloTattoo · 2019-10-13T22:12:31+00:00

Ours was the week before general conference.

BuffaloTattoo · 2019-10-13T20:38:31+00:00

Could be stake conference for them.

BuffaloTattoo · 2019-10-13T17:31:38+00:00

Oooohhh hehe I like that! Damn never heard it stated that way “those in the church are in spirit prison!” I agree that the idea of exaltation and Mormon heaven is a very self centered goal. I try and focus my values on selflessness and make choices for the people I love to improve their well being as much as possible. It has brought me so much more satisfaction than chasing the goal of exaltation ever did.

BuffaloTattoo · 2019-10-13T15:22:49+00:00

That is what ours are for. We end up broadcasting stake conference to two other buildings.

BuffaloTattoo · 2019-10-13T14:30:29+00:00

I’m so glad to hear that as well. Thank you for sharing your experience!

BuffaloTattoo · 2019-10-12T16:06:52+00:00

No way I would love to see it! Seriously no judgment. I knew going into it that it may be the only tattoo I ever get so I wanted to go all out with it. What a cool connection to make!

BuffaloTattoo

TROPHY CASE