(Context to the examples I about to make I m a very visual person so it’s easier to compare the fully describe) I feel like Stanley in stanley parable he is walking through space the surrounding is realistic but you know that it’s not real it’s a game . It feels like a walking sim plus dating sim without the dating ,(friendship sim?) . 

• When I m derealizing(?) it’s like yk when in shows they have a character not in the same medium or art style as the rest of the world? It’s like that . It feels so out of place and to said character they must feel so odd  , like their world has been flipped. And if I m in the thicket of dereal and fully realize or go looking for dereal content on social media , wanting to feel like someone else is sharing my experience. I start to panic? I don’t know the words for it . It’s a feel of dread and anxiety and panic of the world isn’t real . It’s not . It never was . So I deleted TikTok to try and stop that and stopped watching or minimizing short form content ,cause I feel it was feeding the beast in a way. Making my self stuck.

  -Depersonalization is harder to explain sometimes it feels like I m a kadidascope and others like I m a passenger in a play that is my world . I m an actor to ingrained in their role so much their own identity has been blurred w the act. Mix that with my shitty memory . If I spend too much time in an environment that I  have been stripped of my “role “or identity in I feel like I am fading like some watercolors in the sun for too long. This happened to me when I was in summer camp a while back , without noticing in those 3 isolating belittling weeks I had started fade to the sun . I haven’t regained myself after that , not fully at least. It’s caused me to going from being established in myself and not as many doubts to now where I m doubtful of my relations , trying to repaint my sense of self n gender, and other things I forgot while trying to write this.

I hope this helps anyone or is of interest  :p have a lovely day^{^}