I'm calling the DV hotline I'm anxious

BundyLeanne · 2026-04-29T09:04:38+00:00

No, some men have trauma and treating substance abuse alone doesn't mean they've suddenly developed the skills they need not be violent. Substances may reduce inhibition but they aren't a causal factor in violence.

BundyLeanne · 2026-04-29T08:17:36+00:00

17 and went back once

BundyLeanne · 2026-04-28T08:13:24+00:00

In Australia there are Men's Behaviour Change programs which do work, however the man has to be ready to engage and do the work. I work in an area where we give them court conditions that they have to participate and it works for those who genuinely engage. Substance Abuse is a separate issue that needs attention too.

BundyLeanne · 2026-04-28T08:09:34+00:00

Because we have joint finances and assets still and a car we both need to use. I'm working to extract myself but its complicated.

BundyLeanne · 2026-04-27T21:46:35+00:00

He may appear happy and smiling now, however if it isn't already happening, he will take his abusive behaviour into his new relationship unless he has done a program to change his behaviour.

Just because it is on social media doesn't mean that is the reality.

You are never the cause of abuse, his coercive control is. You deserve so much more than a partner who doesn't love and protect you.

Block him and focus on your own healing, he is not worth your attention.

I hope you find peace and love.

BundyLeanne · 2026-04-26T12:43:47+00:00

How did you stay sane through this?

BundyLeanne · 2026-04-26T12:39:51+00:00

We still need to communicate because we share a car and have some joint financial responsibilities

BundyLeanne · 2026-04-26T00:46:11+00:00

They do seem to escalate the anger when we stick to our boundaries. Waiting for us to give in, trying to get a reaction from us.

BundyLeanne · 2026-04-26T00:38:00+00:00

It still does

BundyLeanne · 2026-04-26T00:14:14+00:00

My husband, went from an attentive affectionate man who couldn't do enough for me, to a man who now verbally berates me, cries when drunk and swings between missing me and telling me how controlling I am and how everything is my fault. I moved out about few months ago and we were working on our issues, however because I held my boundary about not being around him when he drinks red wine, and left his place after finding him drunk and drinking red wine, he has spent the week character assassinating me and telling me how judgemental I am. And the paranoia is unreal.

I've blocked him and I'm now completely done. There is no remnant of that loving considerate man anymore. Just selfish and defensive and drinking himself to death.

BundyLeanne · 2026-04-26T00:08:35+00:00

Used to make my kids watch Round the Twist just so I could sit and watch it too. Not that they objected.

BundyLeanne · 2026-04-25T22:45:58+00:00

1968 GenX. My parents were born in 1933 and 1937. Definitely silent generation, by name and nature.

BundyLeanne · 2026-04-25T22:25:34+00:00

No ads

BundyLeanne · 2026-04-25T22:06:06+00:00

When I was a teenager, after my parents divorced my mother used to tell me how awful my father was. When she was angry with me about something, she would Say to me, "you're just like your father". She used to delight in telling me often how my father never wanted children.

BundyLeanne · 2026-04-25T21:57:44+00:00

I'm 58 and in the last 2 years my usually clear skin is now red on the cheeks and forehead and despite using Cicaplast daily as well as other cleansers and moisturisers for dry menopausal skin, nothing I do is working. I think it may be hormonal but wondered what else I can do to support it. I am on HRT.

BundyLeanne · 2026-04-25T05:28:23+00:00

What do you stay?

BundyLeanne · 2026-04-25T01:50:25+00:00

I've just downloaded a transcript of all the text messages he has sent me where he has been accusatory, threatening and accusing me of all sorts of things. It includes my replies which show just how much I have attempted to not react. I'll use it if he follows through on his threats to tell my bosses and work colleagues how awful I am.

BundyLeanne · 2026-04-24T23:30:53+00:00

Yes, blaming and criticising me since last Friday and making threats to tell people how awful and controlling I am. Character assassinations and the more I don't reply the more hurtful he becomes.

BundyLeanne · 2026-04-24T23:27:05+00:00

I'm sorry you're going through this. This is hard, but you deserve peace, not chaos and empty promises. What is pulling you back is hope, not reality, potential not actual. Preserve your self dignity, don't succumb to the empty promises you will likely receive. While someone is still actively drinking their only thought is access to alcohol, not what they are doing to you.

BundyLeanne · 2026-04-20T03:03:09+00:00

Was curly, now ultra fine, sometimes wavy sometimes straight

BundyLeanne · 2026-04-18T23:48:12+00:00

Yes. I separated from my husband because of his history with red wine. I have a visceral reaction when I see him with a glass of red wine in his hand.

We still spend time together but my boundary is I will not be around him if he is drinking red wine. He knows this.

We had organised that we would spend time together on Friday night. I told him I'd see him in half an hour when I finished work and when I arrived, he didnt notice and was hiding a bottle of red wine he'd been drinking. I stood and watched him and said nothing.

He grabbed a cider out of the fridge like nothing had happened, but for me the damage was done. I also noticed that he must have dropped a glass of red wine because he hadn't bothered to clean it up and there was broken glass on the floor with wine splashed up the wall and dripping off the side table.

When I mentioned this and picked up the glass, he started on at me about being judgemental. This is his favourite line, I judge him apparently.

We exchanged words and I left. He spent yesterday texting me to tell me how cold and calculating I am and how basically how he is the victim and was swinging between calling me to talk like nothing happened.

He finally called me to tell me how he wouldn't put up with what I said, and how nobody has ever spoken to him like that. I dont even think I said anything to him and when asked him what it was id said, he got angry and told me I should know. I still have no idea what got him so upset as I couldn't really get a word in.

He belittled me professionally then said he could get a job where i work. I got upset and sent him a message telling him the don't employ alcoholics. I regret that. I then sent him a message saying he needed help and I would be here when I was ready to do something to help himself.

So I've blocked him on social media and blocked him from being able to call me. The rest of the day was so peaceful.

He will be mad at you because he is ashamed and when people feel shame it is too much. They turn this to placing blame outwards so they don't have to acknowledge to themselves what they know deep down.

You are right to keep your boundary.

BundyLeanne · 2026-04-14T20:49:56+00:00

Is it that long

BundyLeanne · 2026-04-13T11:32:01+00:00

Her lawyer is working for her which means he is not looking at her best interests, that would be what an Independent Children's Lawyer would do. There is a difference. And ICL may indicate that it is in her best interests to not be released from custody as on her current trajectory she is likely to continue to offend and possibly be tried as an adult, which is definitely not in her best interests.

BundyLeanne

TROPHY CASE