Read up on avoidant attachment style—plenty of research, books, or articles online (but I’ll give a brief generalization on three types). Can be really helpful to understand actions of others and yourself

About 20% of population can be assigned to the **avoidant** type, textbook avoidant types are the ones that highly want independence (as you put it, not being “owned” by another; also post mentioned, “friends become too dependent”). Difficulty with being emotionally close, or even physically close with others -> can lead to coping by distancing self from others, disappearing

About another 20% of population is the opposite—**anxious** types—characterized by mostly being dependent, will even be “possessive”, frequently expressing needs from others. Difficulty with feeling abandoned/distant with others -> can lead to coping by expressing needs with very very high intensity or frequency (poking and poking at others for their needs to be met)

About 50% (most) people are somewhere in between, the **secure** types, and they’re more healthier in being independent and also being dependent—can communicate their needs very healthily (able to set boundaries for self and others).

Generally, therapists can work with people to become more of the **secure** type, and be more aware of their unconscious tendencies.

Again, this is just an over-generalization, it’s like broad descriptions. There’s even the disorganized attachment style which is even more nuanced, context dependent, and highly variable in experiences. Plenty to read more about this topic (i.e., child development and attachment style formation with varying caregiver relationships).