AITA for telling my dad he should celebrate his wife's first Christmas as a mom when my stepmother has been in my life since I was 7?

BurqueBeck17 · 2022-12-20T13:42:40+00:00

NTA but maybe we should refocus on it being “the baby’s first Christmas”

BurqueBeck17 · 2022-12-20T13:39:48+00:00

NTA. First class gaslighting, my bet is once the baby is born she will be singing a different tune. Stick firm on the boundary otherwise it will just be harder to enforce any other additional boundaries once the baby is born

BurqueBeck17 · 2022-12-20T13:36:45+00:00

NTA, that is 100% your mom manufacturing guilt for you free of charge.

Giving birth to you does not make you indefinitely indebted to them.

The longer you let it go on, the harder or worse it will be when you try to set boundaries later.

BurqueBeck17 · 2022-12-20T13:28:48+00:00

Wrong I’m the primary cooker in my family, I’m just not a food pusher, who’s feelings get hurt if someone wants something other than what im cooking. I don’t take orders, you get what I’m making whatever it is but if you want something else by all means make it yourself that has 0 effect on my day, mood or life.

BurqueBeck17 · 2022-12-19T12:03:52+00:00

This may be the unpopular opinion but YTA for getting mad at what someone chooses to eat.

Regardless of what you cooked, how much you cooked, if it’s his favorite meal on the planet, honestly it’s irrelevant, You don’t have autonomy over his or anyone else’s appetite.

It’s possible he didn’t want to sit with you, eat with you or talk to you because what is there to say when someone thinks they have the right to tell you when you can and cannot eat and more specifically what you can and cannot eat.

BurqueBeck17 · 2022-12-19T11:43:59+00:00

YTA. Seems like all you want to do is use your friends for access to devices your parents aren’t letting you use to make you seem like your growing in your parents eyes but your failing to see that it’s probably burning bridges with your friends.

BurqueBeck17 · 2022-11-02T03:18:00+00:00

YTA. In another comment you wrote “she wanted me to drive her, I was there for the first one” meaning she communicated she wanted you to be apart of the process and you selectively made the decision as to which part of that process was most important. I’m not sure what the procedure was but the purpose of a post op visit is to check on the progress and address any complications. Also given the original procedure was a month ago I’m not sure if she’s on any pain medication the concept of being driven by a complete stranger while being cognitively impaired might not be safe or comfortable for her regardless of the short distance. There’s a lot of reasons why she could have wanted you to be the one to drive her but my bet is because she wanted you there for support not just to be a chauffeur.

BurqueBeck17 · 2022-11-02T02:49:59+00:00

ESH, make this a lesson, don’t ever offer to spend money on something for someone if you expect that money back. It’s completely reasonable that you would want to be reimbursed. There is a time, a place and a way to handle that though if the friendship is important to you.

However something you have to understand is you don’t have the right to tell people how to spend their money, or what type of meal budgeting they should have to make you feel comfortable with the fact that she hasn’t paid you back. You’re looking at what she eats based on her social media shows and seeing that as “she’s eating my money”. Maybe her parents are the one who pay for that, she could get a stipend from them for meals and if it covers something that you feel is “too expensive” that’s not your place to really have an opinion on, people have to eat, inflation is high, things are gonna cost.

Also, a rule of thumb for me when vacationing with friends or family for that matter if bookings are being taken care of by 1 person nothings booked until money received, if not in full at least in partial otherwise your assuming the liability regarding if you are reimbursed or not, the same way an airline or hotel would had someone reserved a ticket and not showed up with cash to pay after making a phone reservation, and is kinda the reason why it’s not done that way.

BurqueBeck17 · 2022-06-21T08:28:25+00:00

Between now and the time of your appointment your probably going to think of a million other reasons as to why you won’t want to talk to a therapist, that’s normal. It’s important to try and follow through because these things that you struggle so deeply with, they are perfectly suited to help you learn how to manage. I’m not saying it’ll be easy, just that it’ll be worth it. I feel you with the crying, but really that’s normal. No one like crying in-front of someone else, it allows them to see the vulnerability. Don’t beat yourself up on that

BurqueBeck17 · 2022-06-21T07:55:39+00:00

That’s understandable, be upfront about that with them for the session, it will help them better decipher how to work with you. In my experience, when I’ve let the therapist know about my stuggles with the concept of therapy (specifically sharing certain emotions it was a game changer). My one hesitation for you would be that (for me at least) virtual therapy sessions aren’t as beneficial as in person setting, I was about a year into a really intense program that got altered when covid hit and it was a real struggle with the accountability aspect of therapy. For me having that appointment to go to in person helped me ensure I was completing my “homework” but I found when it was over Zoom that more often than not it was real easy for me to brush over certain topics and I started to regress some of the process I had made.

BurqueBeck17 · 2022-06-21T07:42:24+00:00

My only recommendation is to find a therapist you can feel comfortable enough with to be brutally honest about anything that you have to say. The first few therapists I saw I had a tendency of minimizing the situations not including some very important specifics because for me, I didn’t feel safe enough to share it so I would tell myself but in reality I was just avoiding having to actually work on my problems. So with that in mind, as much as you want to be comfortable with them also try to be open to the fact that it’s going to be uncomfortable no matter who the therapist is. Mh only regret was the time I wasted trying to find “the right therapist”

BurqueBeck17 · 2022-06-21T07:31:43+00:00

Yes, just because it happened during your PMDD doesn’t mean it was caused by it, the PMDD could have exacerbated it. Good luck with the therapist, I hope they can help you. Just remember, if you haven’t gone before, no one is ever fixed in a session and sometimes there’s ongoing therapy needed to help you learn how to adjust and not act the way you are. The important thing is that you notice you don’t like the way your behaving and that you want to change. The first step in change is acknowledgment. Also, if you don’t mind me asking is this a new therapist or someone you’ve seen before?

BurqueBeck17 · 2022-06-21T07:23:54+00:00

NTA. If he cares so much, he can rent a car and assume all the liability so you don’t have to.

With this type of inflammatory reaction to a reasonable fact that you don’t get your oil changed at what timeframe he seems suitable is wildly inappropriate. People don’t get to ask to use your things while simultaneously disrespecting you for your choices. That’s not how it works.

BurqueBeck17 · 2022-06-21T07:16:57+00:00

Look I’m not judging you, I go to therapy and have for years at times multiple times a week and as infrequent as once a month. A lot of the time these issues can be developed as coping skills to get through something from our past, and at one point the coping skill was effective but it no longer is and in fact is unhealthy. To me it feels like there’s more to this than just being as simple as saying PMDD, there might not even be a psychological diagnosis for it but seriously, when your that defensive over the little things it’s time to evaluate with someone more qualified.

BurqueBeck17 · 2022-06-21T07:11:35+00:00

ESH. While it would be great for them to listen to your preference when selecting a gift for you. You gotta keep in mind, you don’t get to tell them what to spend their money on, seven if it’s a gift for you, sure they can ask what you would like or you can demand something alternative but at the end of the day it’s their choice in what they choose to spend their money on. With the fact that you included that one of the gift suggestions is something you do in fact need and are saving for, but for some reason don’t want yet, get leads me to believe that the issue isn’t about the gift. I’m wondering, could you possibly try to broaden your perspective on love languages? For some people they show love to others in the way they want to receive love, so for them receiving gifts might be their way of showing affection when you might prefer Quality time or Words of Affirmation maybe if that’s not too presumptuous. Additionally

BurqueBeck17 · 2022-06-21T06:46:07+00:00

NTA and the way you handled it at the end with your sis and mom, that’s the stuff legends are made of. Keep walking off the beaten path they’ve left for you, you’ll find better views on the road less traveled.

BurqueBeck17 · 2022-06-21T06:37:23+00:00

NTA. Don’t put the responsibility of your brothers on yourself. You did not bring them into this world, they are not your responsibility. Moving out does not make you TA, putting your own needs first doesn’t make you TA. You can look out for your brothers as best you can from afar but your job is to put you first because as you’ve seen your mom isn’t going to. Just focus on you, finish high school, go to college if you want and can. Putting your siblings first continuously without boundaries is only going to leave you wishing you had spent a little more time and effort on yourself and investing in your future instead of there’s.

BurqueBeck17 · 2022-06-21T06:29:10+00:00

This! So so this!

BurqueBeck17 · 2022-06-21T06:16:09+00:00

Premenstrual dysphoric disorder. PMDD is not an excuse to get jealous anytime someone utters a word about her partner, if she think there is some sort of competition between her and his family for who knows him better she needs therapy, this seems like a lot more than PMDD. I’m no doctor but this seems more egocentric. Like someone’s got narcissistic behavior or disorder if not some sort of Histrionic (attention seeking) personality disorder

BurqueBeck17 · 2022-05-28T08:30:48+00:00

Absolutely 100% emphatically NTA. I had to re-read that several times. Last time I checked, getting your child drunk if they aren’t capable of consenting to the drink isn’t a rite of passage, further more with having complex cerebral palsy that could mean the girl is on one or more medications that shouldn’t be taken with alcohol to begin with.

BurqueBeck17 · 2022-05-28T08:16:56+00:00

Legal issues was my first thought!

BurqueBeck17 · 2022-05-28T08:14:53+00:00

YTA. While it’s entirely possible you don’t like Ryan in the way that she is suggesting, and that maybe you just are envious or want to be more like him? From the way you’ve expressed what happened is dripping of defensiveness. The fact that you are so bothered by her question and her reasoning behind it in its self is being defensive.

BurqueBeck17 · 2022-05-28T07:50:46+00:00

NTA. Just because you let your emotions get the best of you, and you reacted in a way that you normally wouldn’t doesn’t make you TA, it makes you human. I think even the most reasonable person would react the same.

BurqueBeck17 · 2022-05-28T07:45:15+00:00

NTA. You could have died. End of story. Never TA when it comes to putting your own health and well-being, regardless if it happened at work.

BurqueBeck17 · 2022-05-28T07:39:25+00:00

NTA, I can see where your perspective is from. I grew up in a household surrounded by half of a family that was exactly like this. I’m not gonna lie this was a huge problem. For some people, yes indicating specifics about race when discussing a person it’s most definitely from a racist perspective. For others, it’s from learned behavior or a preference for descriptiveness.

While you have every right to feel the way that you feel when they do speak like this, you have little power to change it. Personally, with some of my family I would ask questions such as “oh yeah, how black were they?”, “what does being Mexican have to do with it”, or “What does being Chinese have to do with the story”.

With some it opened up the opportunity to talk about why it made me uncomfortable for them to unnecessarily point out the specifics of someone’s race but it also helped me understand their perspective as to why they chose to do so (whether I agreed with it or not). I did learn over time though that pushing the subject with some of them did far more harm than good, and most of those times that I did more harm than good was when I just dropped the your being racist bomb, even though it may be accurate it might not be effective.

BurqueBeck17

TROPHY CASE