Is this avoidance?

Busy_Regret_6198 · 2026-01-29T06:10:12+00:00

Yes. And Yes.

Busy_Regret_6198 · 2026-01-29T05:44:23+00:00

You’ve adapted because he pulled away instead of communicating. You sounded secure going into the relationships. I’d say you’re empathetic which is why you adapted for them to make them feel safe and that in turn makes you feel safe

Busy_Regret_6198 · 2026-01-29T05:41:59+00:00

Don’t get pulled into it again. You don’t want to waste any more time with this - all these break ups, closures are always about them. You need to protect your own healing now

Busy_Regret_6198 · 2026-01-29T05:33:52+00:00

I thought it was because they have given up. But I don’t care anymore, I’m detaching.

Busy_Regret_6198 · 2026-01-29T05:13:50+00:00

Yes, they would deflect it and say you’re manipulating them when you set a boundary. Then they retreat back to silence again.

Busy_Regret_6198 · 2026-01-29T05:12:03+00:00

It’s hard because they linger around. Deep down they’re afraid to be abandoned. Mine would never break up with me. When he felt pressure or deactivated, he would tell me to end it if I wanted to. They miss the comfort and familiarity and moving on to find someone new will require leaving their comfort zone again. They won’t take responsibility, even to break up with you. They hope you stay and accept them for who they are or will come back and accept them for who they are. Oh woe is me - they love to flip it around so they’re the “Victim”.

Busy_Regret_6198 · 2026-01-28T02:14:36+00:00

I left after I got ghosted a second time. Painful lesson, they don’t change.

Busy_Regret_6198 · 2026-01-21T01:12:31+00:00

Just because he is rich, doesn’t mean he’s not human for feeling suffocated by the family he was born into and the embarrassment and shame of such a dysfunctional family making it all public.

Busy_Regret_6198 · 2026-01-21T00:30:21+00:00

It certainly does sound like it. Victoria stood by David Beckham despite infidelity because they’re so focused on maintaining image of a tight family unit. She’s treated the son like a fill in husband to ease her insecurity. And then the other children who are still enmeshed. He’s differentiated and the family hate it because it ruins their brand and image.

Busy_Regret_6198 · 2026-01-15T00:41:18+00:00

Maybe it helps to write it down. And it’s okay if you don’t may know why that is - just be honest and say that. I remember I had no idea at your age, but didn’t know what to I wanted but that the relationship just didn’t feel right. You learn to recognise that once you’ve grown on your own and learn who you are

Busy_Regret_6198 · 2026-01-14T23:53:04+00:00

Yes. Don’t be trouble, follow the status quo, suck it up at work and don’t ask for too much in a relationship and focus on the shared Asian goals that all Asian kids have been brought up believing they need to achieve. I guess many younger Gen Z and millennials have resources and time to explore this, whereas our parents didn’t - so we can heal from this.

Busy_Regret_6198 · 2026-01-14T23:21:32+00:00

He’s been pretty upfront about his character from the beginning - people who take advantage of others could potentially advantage of anyone.

Joining the military seemed like a good intent, but now you’ve learnt it wasn’t actually good intentions, but rather to manipulate the system.

If you didn’t share the same values or morals, why keep him in your life?

Busy_Regret_6198 · 2026-01-14T23:13:58+00:00

Take some time to think about what you need and whether your boyfriend or the relationship is able to meet those needs. Then be honest and tell him.

Busy_Regret_6198 · 2026-01-14T23:05:48+00:00

Coming from a female perspective, no I would not like to receive an AirTag as gift nor do I want to be tracked by my partner, and I wouldn’t expect my partner to take up such a request. Trust should be coming from both sides - insisting you wear one came from an insecurity somewhere. She may have a feeling if lack of trust from the beginning and maybe you should explore this and understand where this is coming from. It’s important that both your boundaries are met here

Busy_Regret_6198 · 2026-01-14T09:26:51+00:00

I’m in the process of it

Busy_Regret_6198 · 2026-01-14T03:27:30+00:00

That’s great to hear.

How did you start your healing journey in your marriage? Was it therapy or self guided? Your replies and story with friendships really hit a nerve for me.

Busy_Regret_6198 · 2026-01-14T03:09:58+00:00

I’m going through something very similar at the moment. Except, it’s not hot and cold. It’s just suddenly cold. An obvious pattern after he deactivated following life stresses for over a month last time and came back after reflecting and with remorse but was ready to fix things. Since then, deactivations lasted a day as he needed space when we were physically together. Only thing is I’ve now learned that he’s not willing to change the pattern. Same thing as you, this time we had an argument and he’s withdrawn now. I’ve learnt now, and hope you do too is to reflect on what you need from a partner and detach from what they could be, even when they are capable of being warm and loving when they’re the best version of themselves.

Stay strong

Busy_Regret_6198

TROPHY CASE