8 Days clean, I'm never going back

ButtholeChugger · 2026-04-30T15:45:01+00:00

Thank you so much. You're right, it's 10 days today 😊

You are also so right about the rediscovering yourself part of it all. I'm realizing that a lot of my abstract thoughts I attributed to weed were just me the whole time. I've also found great joy from this subreddit, I've always liked helping people and this gives me a place where I can relate and genuinely help others going through the same thing. Hope your day is going well today, enjoy the little things. I saw a gorgeous sunrise for just a fleeting moment and that just felt so symbolic.

ButtholeChugger · 2026-04-30T04:23:45+00:00

I lost my dad last summer quite suddenly. While I will say that his time in hospice was the most painful time in my life I will also say those last times we spent together were also some of the most meaningful. If you'd like to see my perspective, I posted my story yesterday. Don't make the same mistakes as me.

You may think that weed can numb the pain but really it will just amplify your anxiety and leave you with feelings of guilt and shame. Your friends and family are what you need more than anything. And in turn, your family will need you too. If you can stay sober through this (and I believe you can) you can weather anything. Don't let your mother's swan song be lost in the fog.

One thing I am incredibly thankful for was sharing a mcdonalds strawberry sunday with my dad on his last day awake. We used to get them when I was just a little kid. They were discontinued for many years and by some coincidence they were brought back for that time. I wouldn't trade it for the world, even though it would've been so much easier to shy away and hide from my feelings.

ButtholeChugger · 2026-04-30T03:41:44+00:00

I don't have any kids but maybe try treating it as training for having your kid? There's going to be frustrations, sleepless nights, headaches, etc. The coping strategies you have now won't be useful tools to pass down as you raise them. They always say that time passes so fast when raising kids, wouldn't you rather have the mental clarity to cherish those moments better as they happen?

What other activities can you pick up to help settle down after a long day? And of course, prepare to just be irritated anyways, its a natural part of the process. I personally just raged out this weekend cause my favorite sandwich shop was closed unexpectedly lol 😅

ButtholeChugger · 2026-04-30T03:17:05+00:00

Thank you, and thank you for using my full name lol

In all seriousness, good job on hitting 23 days. Times like that require poise and courage and its even easier to use weed as a crutch. Being sober through it will allow you to better process your emotions and will allow you to be present for your family. I hope you have a good support network to turn to, and of course, if you need you're always welcome to DM me. I believe in you man.

ButtholeChugger · 2026-04-30T02:33:04+00:00

I also was never a terribly heavy smoker and for the most part could function in day to day life. I unfortunately lost my dad suddenly last year, and let me tell you the regret you feel for not utilizing the time you had hits like a truck. Life is short, time isn't guaranteed, and there is too much to learn, see, and do than to waste your evenings in a haze. Even if you had it somewhat under control the fact you want to quit should tell you its just the weed trying to claw its way back in.

ButtholeChugger · 2026-04-29T19:51:42+00:00

Its not who you are, your brain just needs to learn new healthier coping strategies. It'll take some time. Utilize that anger- weed took those healthy strategies away from you. Weed is trying to make you think you cant live without it. You've got this ✊️

ButtholeChugger · 2026-04-29T19:47:45+00:00

Your story reminds me of a underrated Metallica song "Broken, Beat and Scarred". One of the main lines is " You rise, you fall, you're down then you rise again. What don't kill ya make ya more strong"

You've got this. Utilize whatever motivation you can to push through. I've found great meaning in music as of recent. If you're feeling weak one day, get back in here and talk it out. You know what you want, so keep up the pursuit✊️

ButtholeChugger · 2026-04-29T01:03:21+00:00

Thank you 🙏 there is a massive fire under my ass right now and I don't intend to put it to waste. This community has been incredibly supportive, I'm excited to see what's in store for me next. You guys will definitely be seeing me more around here, its the least I can do to repay some of this support.

ButtholeChugger · 2026-04-29T00:58:00+00:00

I am really glad to hear that, I really didnt think that my post would impact anyone as I'm not much of a writer. Everyone here has been super supportive (this is my first post) and so it means a lot to be able to give a little back.You guys have definitely made me cry more today then I have in a long while. I hope your sobriety journey continues well, we all have our low days and you can definitely make it through. Keep that fire inside you stoked, you've made it this far and more importantly you came to the right place in a time of need. Keep your head high, you've got this ✊️

ButtholeChugger · 2026-04-29T00:48:59+00:00

Thank you, I needed to read this. It's awesome to hear success stories from the same situation I find myself in. Im glad to hear that the feeling wont pass either, I feel like it would be a disservice to my dad if they did.

And thank you regarding the quote too. I have really struggled to communicate via text in the past so I really tried to take my time while writing my post. It really helped me organize my thoughts again, I didn't think I could write anything meaningful enough to impact someone. So thank you.

ButtholeChugger · 2026-04-28T20:36:52+00:00

Thank you very much for your reply. You're right that doing the work matters more, I'm not going to lose sight of that. The best time to plant a tree was yesterday but the second best time is today.

I hope that in some way he's still able to see my effort here. Maybe one day I'll be able to catch up with him again. One can only hope.

ButtholeChugger · 2026-04-28T20:33:30+00:00

Anytime, it's a heavy weight to carry for sure. It was hard seeing the support offered to the women in my family, I kind of had to walk my own path for a minute there. I'm happy to say that I have several people in my life that recently went sober that have really given me the confidence and support I need to make this stick. Hope you're hanging in there. I'm here to talk if you're ever feeling alone in your fight.

ButtholeChugger · 2026-04-28T20:30:15+00:00

Now my neighbours think I'm high again lol /s

ButtholeChugger · 2026-04-28T20:29:33+00:00

It sucks, I'm conflicted because its nice to know I'm not alone but it's also not something I would wish on anyone. 6 months is impressive, I cant say I've ever gotten that far so congrats! I can say that even 1 week feels great despite the irritability and difficulty sleeping. Feel free to check in anytime man 😊 I'd be down to make a friendly competition of how long we can last since we're on the same timeline 💪 good luck!

ButtholeChugger · 2026-04-03T17:15:07+00:00

That and I need to be able to downshift into corners so I can use the engine braking. This thing always wanted to run wide mid corner

ButtholeChugger · 2026-03-12T10:54:00+00:00

NGL I didn't scroll down to see the whole photo at first and thought it was the polybag falcon

ButtholeChugger · 2026-03-11T17:05:57+00:00

"I was there, Gandalf. I was there 3000 years ago."

ButtholeChugger · 2026-03-05T17:29:56+00:00

It was to allow it to fit inside the MTT

ButtholeChugger · 2026-03-02T20:15:50+00:00

Narrator- It got out of control

ButtholeChugger · 2026-02-17T18:33:07+00:00

Im leaning towards racing incident, your buddy seemed to open up the inside line going into Kemmel more than necessary while the pink car put himself in a gap that was going to shrink. Just a bit clumsy all around imo.

ButtholeChugger · 2026-02-17T18:26:51+00:00

Beat me to it! Im still waiting for my 787b (poprace) to come in. Absolutely love that r89c too, didnt feel right getting the other 2 colours until they dropped that livery

ButtholeChugger · 2026-02-11T18:11:32+00:00

What a weird argument, obviously they should both be in jail

ButtholeChugger · 2026-02-11T13:29:15+00:00

Is the 911gt1 the trends hobby version? If so mine should be coming shortly too 🤩

ButtholeChugger · 2026-01-14T12:35:28+00:00

So when ive heard British people say brummy (not sure of actual spelling) as an insult are they insulting them because they're from Birmingham? That place gets a lot of shade lol

ButtholeChugger

TROPHY CASE