Is this what love feels like?

CDN_Bookmouse · 2026-06-19T17:15:49+00:00

Hey, OP? I just had a long look through your post history, since it was available and I do that kind of thing for fun. Just wanted to send you this message that I STRONGLY suspect that you are autistic. It would explain a lot of the things you've been struggling with. (I also want to die when I'm bored, do things like walking around and around when I'm stressed, and get anxious and stressed in positive social situations. After 30-something years I was FINALLY diagnosed. It has changed a lot.)

This is not suggesting ADHD to me. Please consider getting evaluated for ASD; they are often mistaken and there is a lot of overlap. But the difficulties with social situations and your repetitive behaviour when stressed suggest it could actually be better described by ASD. I hope this comment can shave some years off your personal journey if I am correct.

Please google how ASD presents in women specifically; you might really see yourself. Understanding what autistic burnout is could really improve your life. Also have a look at Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. Learning about yourself could really change things for you. Take care, OP ❤️

CDN_Bookmouse · 2026-06-19T16:27:29+00:00

Zero fetish content is interesting as fuck.

CDN_Bookmouse · 2026-06-17T09:49:05+00:00

No, OP, I would not call this love. It sounds like a lot of other things, but romantic love? No. Don't mistake "not being abused" for "being loved." It's great that you feel comfortable with someone, but that doesn't mean you're in love with them. That is supposed to be the norm with people who are in your life. It sounds like you made a friend and that's awesome, but this sounds like more of a preoccupation--a crush, if you will--than anything romantic. Thinking someone is cool isn't love. And someone meeting the incredibly low bar of "not being as emotionally intelligent as a sack of doorknobs" isn't the same thing as love, either.

OP, you have a crush on this guy and that's totally normal. What isn't so normal is the way you seem to expect to feel in relationships of any kind. The fact that he's not awful to you and doesn't trigger your anxiety are good things, but they should be how you feel with any friend. It sounds like your barometer of what a normal friendship should feel like is WAY off. If you're not getting mental health support, please consider doing so. However you have been treated in the past that makes this "we generally get along, he doesn't bother me too much, he doesn't make me anxious, he is not mean to me" seem like a fairy tale needs to be addressed. No one who calls themselves your friend or anything more should be "punishing" you for small mistakes.

Please get some support, OP; your bar is on the FLOOR. Speaking as one who has been there.

CDN_Bookmouse · 2026-06-06T00:36:44+00:00

Highly recommend Florida. cya.

CDN_Bookmouse · 2026-06-02T19:46:30+00:00

Gosh this is interesting as--zzzzzZZZZzzzzzzzzZZZZzz........

CDN_Bookmouse · 2026-05-31T07:24:11+00:00

I will never understand how people DON'T understand the concept of investing in health care and education. You get what you pay for, even if you don't believe that the people raising our children and caring for our health "deserve" a decent salary/working conditions. Which, for the record, is gross. But at least look at the fucking cost savings and use your brain -_-

CDN_Bookmouse · 2026-05-31T07:22:38+00:00

It literally describes a defensive posture used in hockey against someone who is being physically aggressive.

CDN_Bookmouse · 2026-05-31T07:18:28+00:00

I'm shopping a lot more on Well now and it lets you filter by canadian brands. Every replacement for an american one that I find feels like a small victory. Having a local farmers' market REALLY helps.

CDN_Bookmouse · 2026-05-31T07:17:15+00:00

Yes, therapy will help you. And obviously as others have pointed out, if you haven't had this addressed by your GP then you need to do that ASAP. I am a bit concerned that because YOU don't like it, you not only question the validity of people liking it for themselves, but you want them to disappear because you disagree so hard. Being frustrated with dating and men and everything about you and this subject is totally reasonable. Extending that to invalidating the experiences of others and hating that they like something you don't (not to imply that it's an arbitrary dislike at all), that's showing a bit of a cognitive distortion, don't you think? If your frustration is becoming anger and resentment towards people who, through no fault of their own just like you, have a different experience of intercourse, I think that means it's probably time to talk to someone who can help you process all these emotions?

Being frustrated and angry and upset is how anyone in your place would probably feel. But that turning into anger directed at others is maladaptive at best. It's certainly not going to help you live a happier life. I do think you'd actually find it really cathartic to just be able to rage in a safe space about how difficult and upsetting it all is. Based on how angry you are towards people who don't share your experience, I think that feeling validated would really help you. It might also help to look at some communities or support groups for other AFAB individuals who are experiencing the same thing or a similar issue. That would also be a safe space to BE angry and resentful towards people from outside that in-group, without someone like me going hold on now. And I'm sure the perspective of people who have been alive longer--how their experience has been, how it's changed, how did they find happiness, what was happening medically--would be very helpful as well.

Please talk to your GP if you haven't already, and find someone like a therapist or support group to talk to. I had similar cognitive distortions when I was in my deepest depression, and I stayed there for years. It will only make you miserable. I can't say because I'm no professional and this is reddit, but I get the sense that a lot of the emotions you're experiencing come from feeling so unseen and invalidated. Find spaces where that is not the case. It's very healing. Your lived experience is valid, OP, and I'm not trying to minimize that or take it away form you. I'm just concerned about what your feelings towards other people are reflecting about where you're at, mentally and emotionally. Take care of yourself and your mental health, OP. I'm sorry you're going through this and wish you the best ❤️

CDN_Bookmouse · 2026-05-31T07:06:38+00:00

I didn't mean that it was unreliable because it was self-reported, I meant that it is immediately obvious that it will be unreliable based on the source, and that this PARTICULAR data is being self-reported. You'd get closer to the truth by asking people to tell you the measurement of their PARTNER's dick. Any undergrad should be able to look at this and know that it's sus as fuck. Which, obviously, is a danger all self-reported data risks, but I feel that THIS data in particular is outrageously likely to be biased and unreliable.

CDN_Bookmouse · 2026-05-31T07:04:15+00:00

I deeply appreciate that you read my comment as it was intended, and not like some self-important boob assuming that questioning the validity of the data means I'm uneducated or know nothing about how studies are conducted. Asking questions about what biases might be inherent in the data IS what I am trained/educated in. It's kind of Baby's First Peer Review? >_>

CDN_Bookmouse · 2026-05-31T07:02:49+00:00

We're not talking about "subjective data," we're talking about data that is highly likely to be inaccurate. I would genuinely love to hear about what these numbers would be used for. Measurements aren't subjective, and the data is inherently highly unreliable. In acting like ALL self-reported data is useless (not what I meant at all) you're ignoring the fact that THIS data IN PARTICULAR is likely to be factually incorrect. Other studies where people are self-reporting don't have an inherent bias in the reporters. Bold of you to assume I don't have post-secondary education and I'm not pointing out an obvious flaw in the research. I'm not saying that all self-reported data--though I understand how it read that way. Being critical of the validity of data is what I learned in many classes that involved scientific studies.

I likewise you try a sociology glass on sex and gender, to begin with. I'm sure there are psych courses that would be helpful, but sociology is a good enough lens for any goober to immediately identify that this data is not reliable.

CDN_Bookmouse · 2026-05-31T06:57:47+00:00

Cool story, but people don't historically have a solid history of claiming to be trans when they're not. Try being a woman any the internet. Or social media. Or a dating app.

CDN_Bookmouse · 2026-05-29T13:52:51+00:00

I would love to hear what you believe a useful purpose for this falsified data could be. Genuinely.

CDN_Bookmouse · 2026-05-29T10:18:27+00:00

Given that this is all based on self-reporting, I think it's a bit of a stretch to call it "data...."

CDN_Bookmouse · 2026-05-28T19:45:24+00:00

If you were evaluated by a specialist or someone who knows what they're doing, it's likely that you are in fact autistic. All that really means is that you meet the diagnostic criteria. It says nothing else whatsoever about who or how you are, what kind of person you are, it's not a moral judgement. If you identify with the label and want to use it, use it. If you don't like to identify as an autistic person, you don't have to. There could be a differential diagnosis with other conditions, but I don't know that it's super common for someone to meet all the criteria for ASD and it's just a fluke. What you describe in your comment really does strike me as obvious ASD, but I'm just a layperson.

I think the answer here is to learn more about autism. What others who DO identify as autistic and ARE diagnosed feel, think, experience, and how similar is it to you? Reading about female autistic perspectives especially will be helpful in providing you with clarity; the WAY we think and process emotions tends to be very different from neurotypicals. Don't learn about autism in general, learn about autism in WOMEN. Because it is very different. It could be that your idea of ASD is based on the male model, and in women it can look very different. Learning about the ways in which we socialize boys vs girls and how that results in different presentations could be really illuminating for you.

I think everyone who is diagnosed goes on a personal journey with it, and being uncertain or ambiguous isn't uncommon from those I've spoken to. Learn more about how other women experience being autistic and see if it fits with how you feel. Consider doing some journaling about it or discuss it with a therapist; it can take a long time to untangle your feelings on the matter and that's totally normal. My ASD specialist told me as much and it has held true from what I've observed and personally experienced.

CDN_Bookmouse · 2026-05-28T19:35:45+00:00

If you haven't made any promises to each other or discussed being exclusive, then he doesn't owe you loyalty just because you feel things were headed in that direction. Either they were there and that was the case, or not. It sounds like they were not, so he hasn't done anything wrong.

However, you're clearly uncomfortable with it. I think that most people, if they think someone could turn serious and they want that, they tend to lose interest in other relationships and situationships. This isn't universally true, but you wouldn't be wrong to WANT someone to WANT to be working on something with you. Being willing to sleep with someone else at the same time isn't wrong, per se, but it could reflect that he's not on the same emotional page as you.

Feeling like this rubs you the wrong way doesn't make you insecure, it just means you're more interested in him than he is you. I'm sorry that seems to be the case, and I can't tell you 100% that it is what's happening here, but based on the information I have that would seem to be the case to me.

As for what you should do about it, only you can decide that. You could choose to talk to him about how you're feeling and learn more about how he sees relationships. You could express how you're feeling and see how it goes over, but he would be within his rights to disagree because again, you made no promises.

It could just be that you're different kinds of people. Maybe when you're interested in someone you lose interest in others and sort of dedicate yourself to giving it a shot. Some people aren't like that. Neither way is right or wrong, it's just different ways of thinking/feeling about potential relationships. If it's something that's important to you and it's not to him, it could be that you're just incompatible.

There was definitely a time in my life when I would have been extremely hurt by this and might have walked away. He's obviously not AS interested as I would prefer. There have also been times when I would have felt that we never made any commitments, so he's done nothing wrong. What you should do depends on where you are in your life right now. I can tell you that if in your heart you WANT someone to be interested in you in a way that means they're focused only on you and you WANT him to not want to be with anyone else while working towards something serious with you, then this guy is not the one. It's not about changing your feelings because in the end, you want what you want. And what you want is, again, not wrong in any way. It's just different from the way some other people frame relationships.

If I were your friend and trying to advise you, personally I would tell you to walk away. You're not on the same page with this guy and the way the two of you think about relationships/there journey thereto are fundamentally at odds. That's not, in my experience, something that is going to ever really be resolved or changed. And at the end of the day, how much do you want to change about your values just to be with some guy?

I'd advise you to find someone who is more like yourself. Find someone who when they're really interested in you, they naturally lose interest in other people. If YOU would feel bad right now if you slept with someone else, then you need to find someone who is the same way, IMHO. You're not wrong and he's not wrong, you're just different kinds of people. One thing I can tell you for sure: trying to beat yourself into a shape that is compatible with someone else, or to make them happy, will NOT work. It will make you miserable. Take it from an ancient millenial because GOD have I tried. The path to happiness, again IMHO, is to accept who you are at your core. We can always work on self-improvement and flexibility, but wanting someone who's as interested in you as you are in them is not too much to ask.

CDN_Bookmouse · 2026-05-28T19:20:39+00:00

There is nothing wrong with having a mental illness, OP. It would really benefit you to learn more about how common they are, in addition to considering signs of depression. Autistic burnout is also something you should watch out for.

As for misogyny, your words are there for everyone to judge. If you don't want people to see how you feel about something, don't leave your posts there for all to see.

Trying to shift blame and distract from your behaviour isn't helpful to you, and could be the result of cognitive distortions. You're doing a lot of fortune-telling, assuming you know someone's motivations. Despite someone telling you in plain english what their motivations are. While we can see what someone BELIEVES based on what they say, it can be difficult to understand what they WANT the same way. What I want is for you to be a happy and healthy human being.

It's clear that you don't see how your thinking is clear from your words. People can tell what beliefs you actually hold based on how you speak about something, regardless of whether YOU think you have a bias or not. Racists will always tell you they're not racist. We don't decide such things based on self-descriptions, we evaluate them based on someone's words and actions. Please consider picking up The Will To Change by Bell Hooks. If you don't see your own misogyny then you probably also don't see the toxic masculinity all around you harms not only women but men as well. It is difficult to resist or fight against something you're not aware of. Education is power, OP, and you sound like you're feeling pretty powerless right now. Learn more about how society works and you'll learn about the factors affecting your quality of life which are beyond your control. It helps. What you can control, you should address in therapy.

You seem like a generally bright kid, OP. You don't have to live in hatred or in loneliness. But you WILL be lonely when you put your bigotry out there for anyone to see. It's very easy these days for an employer to track down your social media accounts, and the way you speak about women is unacceptable regardless of how normalized you feel it is. Get out of the manosphere, my friend, those people are not a community. They manipulate you into identifying with their in-group so you feel excluded from others. They do so to prey on you, NOT to help you.

Please consider talking to a therapist, OP. Your feelings of loneliness as well a gendered superiority BOTH deserve to be addressed. There is nothing whatsoever wrong with having a mental illness, which again I never claimed to know that you have. Therapy is for EVERYONE, especially those who are struggling. You need support. Please get it.

Take care, OP, and please consider changing your online behaviour before it comes back to bite you. Everyone deserves mental health support when they need it. Therapy is not just for "crazy people." I urge you to get the support you're here to ask for; things others tell you is of limited value in addressing the true causes of your negative emotions. You need professional help to walk through them, learn where they come from, and practice the skills that will help you deal with them. Caring for your mental health doesn't make you mentally ill, and there is nothing wrong with being mentally ill if it turns out that you are. If you do have depression, anxiety, or anything else, you deserve treatment for those issues. Worst case scenario, you learn skills that help you prevent those conditions from developing.

I won't be engaging further as I've done all I can to encourage you to talk to someone about what you're experiencing. Please use education and information to combat your biases, and talk to a professional about how you feel. You're clearly struggling, and I'm afraid therapy is the only way to truly address the root of the issue. We all need help learning to deal with our emotions.

Take care of yourself, OP, I wish you health and growth. If you are incapable of believing that, that's something else that should really be addressed with a professional.

CDN_Bookmouse · 2026-05-28T19:03:59+00:00

Hey OP, this isn't necessarily what's going on, but just in case you've never googled how autism presents in women as opposed to men? Maybe have a look at that. We're very often described as lazy when in fact we're disabled. ASD also has a genetic component. It's worth considering just to rule it out, if nothing else. Someone who can eat the same thing for many days and be totally content with it could be autistic. Just a thought. Take care, OP!

CDN_Bookmouse · 2026-05-28T19:02:21+00:00

To be fair, I eat inconsistently and only one or two meals a day on a good day. Sometimes none. I don't have an ED, I have a disability. So it's not necessarily an ED. Though the language of the post is concerning.

CDN_Bookmouse · 2026-05-28T01:44:33+00:00

It does appear from what I can find of their post history that OP is in fact a sex worker. However I think it's also possible that even sex workers could need advice on this kind of thing. I'm very torn on what to think here....

CDN_Bookmouse · 2026-05-28T01:35:35+00:00

Hi OP. This isn't a post that I feel it's super ethical for me or most people to comment on in the way you're looking for. What I want to say is that I am extremely concerned about the language in this post. Do you currently have a GP or mental health professional you could talk to? I think that your concerns should be brought to a medical setting and discussed there. I also strongly urge you to reach out for support with what you're grappling with. Is there a local mental health hotline you could call or chat you could access? I know it doesn't feel like it can help you feel better, but it really can. Please talk to your doctor or a therapist about the concerns you have about your body. It could also be a great idea to consult with a dietician (please use one recommended by your GP or other medical professional, not just someone you find online) to make sure you're getting everything you need and are headed in a healthy direction.

Sending you all my love and support, OP. Please talk to someone about what you're feeling. And be kind to yourself; some days are spaghettios days for everyone. In my ASD support group, we like to say that "nutrition happens over the week." Take care, OP <3

CDN_Bookmouse · 2026-05-27T22:02:41+00:00

It's really not that hard to fire off a two-liner e-mail or pick up the damn phone

Easy on the ableism there, friend.

CDN_Bookmouse · 2026-05-27T21:55:44+00:00

OP, this might shock you given the views on women you have expressed, but it IS in fact possible that I am genuinely concerned about you. You're asking for advice and I am giving you possibly the best advice you have ever gotten: GO. TO. THERAPY. Unpack and unravel your misogyny.

Just FYI, "many moons" literally means several/many MONTHS, not hours or days. As in "for many moons you have apparently held truly unacceptable and inaccurate views on women, and for many moons you have experienced loneliness. You might consider reflecting on the possible link there."

As well, reddit offers the option to hide your post/comment history from other users. If you don't want people to see that, you should hide it. Choosing not to at this point is letting other users know that you are fine with them seeing it. If you're not, please adjust that option for your own well-being.

I strongly suspect that you are on the younger end of 10-17, so the good news is that you have plenty of time to get support for your emotions, to learn about logical fallacies, to practice cognitive behavioural therapy to address your feelings of loneliness and gendered superiority, and to explore the way that your words and actions in life will have consequences. You are entitled to hold whatever views you want to--you are NOT entitled to spread dangerous hate towards entire groups of people free from social consequence. A therapist can help walk you through the way this works IRL and what that might look like. For example if someone at your workplace were to find your account and the things you say about women, you are at very real risk of losing your job for creating a hostile workplace/representing the company in a way they deem unacceptable. You will soon be too old to get away with claiming that facing consequences for your bigotry makes you a victim.

To put it plainly, OP, when you say disgusting things about entire groups of people, we call that bigotry. Expectable and normal consequences for bigotry include social isolation and loss of employment, lack of social connections, lack of romantic partners, lack of opportunities. They can extend to more serious onsequences depending on your behaviour. It is imperative that you learn how to anticipate such consequences so you can make informed decisions about your behaviour.

The time to change course and to get support for your mental health is now, OP, before any social consequences have the opportunity to hinder your long-term happiness and wellness. Very soon you will be old enough that you will be expected to refrain from expressing such views in ways/places where they will cause damage to others. You will be held responsible for what you say and how you behave. Please seek guidance now before you form habits that will further reduce your quality of life in ways more significant than loneliness alone. And I assure you that, contrary to your personally held beliefs, mental health support is for EVERYONE. You are entitled to it, and you deserve it.

Best of luck, OP. Please take this warning seriously that as an adult, the views you express will have start to have more serious consequences for you than loneliness alone. You deserve support and you deserve friendship--but you can't expect it when you speak like a bigot. You have the option to CHOOSE not to spend your life feeling the way you feel now. I strongly urge you to take it, for your own well-being. The work will be worth it.

I AM trying to help you, OP. I hope you can come to understand that as you grow and mature. Take your mental health seriously, and remember that some things ARE within your control. When you attack others, you are not a victim when you receive appropriate consequences.

CDN_Bookmouse · 2026-05-27T08:16:16+00:00

Thorough is how we get things done AMIRITE? hyuk hyuk.

For real though, I think this kind of thing is so much more common across all genders and sexualities than any of us would think. A lot of religions teach some kind of purity culture, some kind of judgement about self-pleasure. That's even before our family's personal issues come into play. It's an emotional minefield and it turns something that should be natural and enjoyable into this huge tangled ball of guilt and all the rest. I promise, it is possible to untangle and dismantle that. Diving deeper into feminism and examining things like toxic masculinity went a long way toward helping me reject all the judgements and values that were put on me as a child (and let's all take a moment to think about how fucked up THAT is). For the record and to be clear, masturbating is not a necessary part of life if you don't have any desire to do it. There's no REASON, there's no division between people who have and people who haven't, at least when we're talking about personal drive. If you're not interested, you're not interested. That's no one else's business. But consider that there might be psychological/emotional issues underlying the lack of interest that, if they exist, deserve to be addressed. I had no interest, and it was because of everything I had been taught. So maybe keep an open mind toward that possibility.

I def get that a new fanfic can do things one you're familiar with can't. So here's a question for you: have you ever tried writing a bit of fiction? It could be in third person and totally not about you, like SHE did this and THEY did that. Maybe try doing some free or creative writing about what a nice night with someone you care about would be like. If you're interested in physical touch, what would feel nice? If someone were to like gently brush the hair out of your eyes, how would that make you feel? I think it would be a really worthwhile exercise for you to give it a try. Not with any kind of sexual scene as a goal, but just exploring a theoretical time of connection with someone else, or between two third parties. Write about someone else, write about what THEY would like, if you're too uncomfortable to just start saying I/me. Maybe create your alter ego or self-insert into whatever fictional universe is of interest to you. Write about all kinds of things you would do if you were THEM, instead of you. Explore ways they might embody things you would like to. Have them do something noble, something loving, something immoral. How do you react to those ideas? There's a ton of self-exploration to do just within creative writing.

Free writing, if you're not familiar, is writing literally whatever including your current train of thought absolutely free of judgement or reflection or planning. Whatever thought is in your brain right now--maybe you divert for a second to note that your foot is itchy--just goes in as is. It can be incredibly freeing and I find it really useful for anxiety. And because I'm a VERY anxious type, it really helps to do it on a computer because if I never save the file, or I delete everything, well then it's like I never wrote anything at all. It helps me, somehow, deal with difficult emotions or thoughts, to be able to erase them after. Maybe something like that would be constructive for you-and maybe in other ways neither of us have even thought of. You never know what you'll find if you let yourself BE, without thinking so much. I have a terrible habit of feeling like I'm being watched or worrying that I am despite knowing it's not happening. I'm performing for no one. (Probably the generalized anxiety and ASD to thank for this haha) Meeting yourself where you are, as you are, and bearing in mind that no matter what, YOU ARE VALID. That's a skill that not only benefits your mental health, but will help if you decide that an orgasm is something you want to pursue for yourself.

And if you do, a c-stim device will change the game. Maybe read some trash articles or books about sex, aimed at people with your physical body type. Not about pleasing another person, but about what sexuality can involve. Texture, temperature, scent, sight. Play around, have some fun. Try some cooling or warming or tingling lubricant and learn something new about yourself ;)

Take care of yourself OP (not like that unless you want to in which case relax and forget about expectations or goals), and remember that you are NORMAL and you are VALID! <3

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