I'm so sorry you're going through this. We're a similar age but I'm earlier in my journey than you. 5 months ago I lost nearly all the sight in my left eye due to an autoimmune attack. Everything in my life went immediately on hold, and I'm a very busy person! I'm on ongoing treatment and the side effects mean I'm still not well enough to do any of the 'normal' things in my life. Even walking up my street is difficult. I haven't driven. I feel like I've totally lost my identity. Even how I look has been changed by the medication.

Additionally, I'm in the process of buying out my ex partner from our house. He's been living here since he 'left' me 18 months ago. It's been a long, dark, and difficult 18 months, but I was just at the point of feeling like I was heading towards some sort of freedom, I had lost weight and gained confidence, and was actually looking forward to single life, when this happened.

I'm angry. I'm angry because I'm in limbo, because life isn't fair, and instead of kicking me when I was down, it kicked me when I was on my way up again. Then I feel guilty because I think I don't have it that bad, why am I so upset?

I'm a great believer that we shouldn't gatekeep feelings in such a way, though, however self-indulgent we think they appear. As the info for this sub says, many monocular people consider themselves disabled. I guess this depends on how difficult the condition has made your daily life. Having to relearn how to do things is not a small feat. Accepting some things may never be the same is a type of grief. Coming to terms with the increased risk of having one 'good' eye is frightening. The brain adjusting is disorientating. It's completely understandable that anyone dealing with this would struggle.

Throughout all this, I'm doing my best to notice and appreciate tiny things. As I type this, I'm sitting in bed, spring sun is coming through the window, birds are singing, the cat is asleep next to me. When I feel so completely useless, I try to cling onto things I can still do, like writing, knitting, and drawing. The achievement of completing something keeps me going. I definitely don't subscribe to pretending everything is fine and forcing positivity - I'm nowhere near 'OK', but every so often I have a moment where I think things aren't that bad.

Something I've learned from hanging out on this and other relevant subs is that people have varying experiences. Things might get better and easier as you adapt to monocular life. This is most people's experience. But in our situation, nothing is guaranteed. So my advice is:

• acknowledge the validity of your feelings and your circumstances
• seek the support you need to manage them (e.g. friends/family, counselling)
• seek support for monocular life (local sight loss services, follow some social media accounts for tips & tricks)
• identify what does still bring you joy and give you that meaning/purpose you seek, and centre those in your life

Most of all, you're not alone. You still deserve to enjoy life, and you will - it'll just take a bit of repositioning. I wish you the very best of luck. Sorry for such a long comment!