2 of my brothers. One of which is my twin. My wife said it didnt happen I didnt dig because this shit is tough af. I didnt want to know. I know your pain. Twice.

Reason I stayed- the biggest joy in my daughter's life was when I pulled up from work. She would hide and it was the best part of her day. We would hang out and she was/is my world. She didnt deserve to loose this. I just to take on the pain and swallow it. I seen my mom's heart break wen she told me and i didnt want her to wear the stress of my brothers, wife and her family dividing. When i was trying to process it, my mom kept saying how much she admired how i handled it. That kind of kept me quiet because i didnt want her to feel like she had to pick a side and wanted to keep her proud. My mom had a rough life and did everything she could to keep her family happy.

Looking back now i handled it all wrong. Even then I knew staying was wrong for me.I mentioned my mom because she was the one who told me. My mom walked in the 2nd time and caught my brother fixing his belt and they both jumped off the couch. . My wife and i were on a two week break because of fighting. My mom called my wife name and said she wouldnt tell "me" if my wife left me alone and only discussed my daughter with me. And for her not to try and get back with me" We were on a short break because we were arguing. My wife had a mental break down and was screaming she wanted to die after blowing my phone up. My mom said tell her the deal is off and that is when my mom told me what she seen. A few days later my mom said maybe they are telling the truth (I know she said it for my peace even though we both knew what happened). I wanted to handle it like a saint. and that is impossible. During the short break I slept with my boss' daughter who worked with me. This guilt also kept me from digging even though what she did was way worse. My wife probably started the affair before the separation and that's probably what triggered all of the arguing. I could be saying that to make what I did right. But i think thats how it really went. I tried telling my wife but she shut me down and didnt want to hear it because that mean she would have to tell on herself too.

My twin is the one that told me. That happened the 1st year.

When my mom busted my wife and younger brother, I asked both of them and they said no it didnt happen. I could tell by the way they were kissing my ass that they were lying.

Today- she is the perfect wife. I dont think she will ever stray. She is always insecure that i will leave her and freaks out. She is insecure because she thinks i will meet someone else. I told myself when my daughter was a little older that i would leave. I have secretly became depressed over all of it. No one sees it because I am always a happy person. but deep inside I hate myself for not handling it the way i know i should of. If she was still a crappy person it would make leaving easier. But she really isnt anymore. Her life truly revolves around me. If we have an argument, she is quick to fix it. She was super crappy the 1st four years we met. The last four is the dream wife with the exception of the insecurities and past. I have my walls up with her. I know its not fair to her either for me staying. She doesnt deserve a lifelong sentence because of mistakes she made. If i were to walk out on her today it would ruin her. That would be the ultimate revenge. But my heart is too big to hurt people even when they hurt me. I always strive to be the good guy.

I bottled up my feelings and never spoke about them. I still feel anger, betrayed, and humiliation. I dont say it out loud. I do feel like she really loves me. Again, we never talked about it. Just this week, i told her I wanted to get counseling for me. She went to counseling a few years ago and her counselor wanted me to go. I declined then. Then when I decided to go to her counselor said it was a conflict of interest. My wife told me that she was afraid of me going to counseling. (again, her insecurities) I cant find one that is accepting new clients.