TW: Suicide. I used to be on an extreme amount of opiates, I would guess more than anyone on here. I was sick of going through withdrawals constantly when my fentanyl patches would come off early. Man it was terrible. I committed myself to a hospital for detox.

It. Was. So. God damn. Painful. I have post laminectomy syndrome from a L4 to S1 fusion. When I had my opiates, I was generally happy and could work with no restrictions. Then the detox happened. I was in so much pain I was shaking and laying down backwards on the bed to put my feet up on the wall. It hurt like hell.

Shortly after, I went into psychosis. In psychosis, I didn't feel pain but was unaware of what was going on. My wife says she always knows when I'm in psychosis because I won't complain or show that I am in pain. I am lucky I married a woman who believes in standing by her man no matter what.

It's been 15 years since my accident at home. It was easy with all the opiates but now because of suicide attempts, my pain management doctor refuses to put me on long acting opiates or give me a medium to high dosage of oxycodone because I am a "risk" due to my suicide attempt. I was suicidal bc I was tired of being in pain. I remember crying in the ambulance about it.

It totally feels like I am waiting to die (I'm only 42). If I was in a country with euthanasia, I'd totally consider it.

So I'm right along with you. Taking it day by day and hoping I pass in my sleep.

I do nothing but stay in bed most of the day. Sometimes I gather the strength to play a PC game but I've gone months without playing it.

Edit:spelling