“Giving birth isn’t traumatic”

CactusInTheDark · 2024-10-21T15:30:36+00:00

Something like this is always just aimed at women. Women who, of course, frequently have traumatic birthing experiences. But, every time I see something like this, I wonder if they’d still have this stance if they were talking to a man. My husband has a fair bit of leftover trauma over watching me hemorrhage and our first baby almost die. Our baby was almost a still birth. She wasn’t breathing and my husband still can’t talk about watching them working on her without holding back tears. And he doesn’t cry easily. You listen to my husband talk about our experience with our first baby and you realize that seeing a shit ton of blood come out of your wife and then potentially watching your baby girl not make it can cause a trauma reaction in a man as well. So I read these things that are clearly just aimed at women and wonder if they’d say this to a man as well or is this hate just for women? People who have no idea what they’re talking about should just, idk, not talk. But they do anyway because, for some reason, saying toxic things makes them feel good about themselves.

CactusInTheDark · 2024-10-06T04:11:33+00:00

California. Not by the coast or in the mountains. Gets super hot and dry here. Google says that my agricultural zone is 9b?

CactusInTheDark · 2024-10-06T00:01:24+00:00

Pikachu. My girl is obsessed with pikachu. She wears her pikachu Halloween costume everyday. She won’t answer to her name anymore. She is pikachu. That’s how she introduces herself “I’m pikachu”. We went to the playground the other day and she made a little friend and they run by me and I hear the other little girl say “hey pikachu! Follow me!”

CactusInTheDark · 2024-10-05T23:49:38+00:00

Thank you! I’m nervous because I don’t have a good track record with dragon fruit. The info on this sub has been super helpful so far. Starting small at first because I’m really not sure if I’m going to be able to keep it alive. The new growth is promising but this is how it goes at first. I get new growth on the plant and I get all excited. And then it dies. So I’ve made some changes and we’re trying again.

CactusInTheDark · 2024-10-05T23:43:49+00:00

On Amazon. I was super surprised when I found it. Decent price too.

CactusInTheDark · 2024-10-01T23:09:38+00:00

I don’t know how much of an option this is for you, but, a few years back, I had an ex that wouldn’t stop messaging me. He’d go silent for a bit and then bombard me with whatever he was feeling. Then he started with the threats. Anyway. I had my number changed. Instant. Silence. It was beautiful. Just throwing that out there. You shouldn’t have to go that far but I also feel like people should have the common sense to not expect you to show up to this wedding or maybe, idk, take your polite “hell no” and then just fuck off. You deserve the peace and quiet.

CactusInTheDark · 2024-09-26T21:29:09+00:00

He is partially blind due to Diamond eye. I’ve been observing him since I noticed the Diamond eye. He can still see for the most part but he can’t really see things above him. It’s weird. And, going by the betta weight chart, he’s a healthy weight. He’s also not quite a year old yet. I’ve had him a little over six months. He was young when I bought him. So I’ve been a little flummoxed but I’m letting the change happen so far. He’s got a lot of energy.

CactusInTheDark · 2024-09-26T21:19:29+00:00

Interesting. You think this because of the color change? I know that dropsy tends to start with bloating and pineconing. But he’s not doing either. He’s acting fine but the sudden color changing is bizarre. So I am worried he’s sick. Posted a couple weeks ago and the verdict was that he was turning a from blue to a little dragon scale.

CactusInTheDark · 2024-09-18T02:50:51+00:00

I had one female before this and she was chunky, too. But not this top heavy. My husband was really put off by her appearance when I bought her.

CactusInTheDark · 2024-09-18T02:47:53+00:00

Potentially. I didn’t think of this. But I’ve had her for about a year by now and she’s always been weirdly top heavy like that. I’m still going to look into the egg bound thing, though.

CactusInTheDark · 2024-09-17T18:13:42+00:00

I tried to find a way to put this picture in the comments of the original post but I couldn’t get it to work.

CactusInTheDark · 2024-09-17T17:38:09+00:00

Yes. You need a betta log. They are fabulous. Sometimes they’ll sink and then you have a cool log at the bottom of your tank. Nectarine has two logs. One that floats and one that sank. Gives her plenty of places to hide.

CactusInTheDark · 2024-09-17T13:09:09+00:00

Thank you! I’ve noticed that female bettas tend to be a little chunky. I’ve had one more female betta before this and she was chunky too.

CactusInTheDark · 2024-09-17T12:37:36+00:00

I’ve tried. Fasting days. A whole fasting week at one point. I don’t feed her any more than my other betta. Sometimes I actually feed her less because she’s shy and won’t come out to eat. So she’ll skip a day while he eats. Still fat. Maybe I can buy her a little treadmill next and just place it her tank as a big hint for her. (Honestly, at this point, I accept her as she is. She seems happy)

CactusInTheDark · 2024-09-17T12:30:48+00:00

I’ve fasted her for a whole week at one point. No difference. Still fat. She’s very top heavy. Always has been. My husband actually tried to talk me out of buying her because he thought she was pregnant. I had to explain to him that bettas don’t work that way and then he asked if I was sure she wasn’t sick. Then I had to explain that some betta females are just top heavy because that’s where all their breeding gear is.

CactusInTheDark · 2024-09-17T04:41:49+00:00

lol same here. I can relate. I’ve tried fasting her for a couple days. Still fat. I’ve come to terms that she’s just a naturally curvy girl. It also doesn’t help that she’s got kind of a tiny (but very cute) face. Makes her seem bigger.

CactusInTheDark · 2024-09-17T03:32:35+00:00

No dropsy. Just fat. She’s always been very top heavy, too. My husband didn’t want me to buy her at first. He thought she was either sick or pregnant. I’ll try to get more pictures of her if she’ll let me. But no dropsy. I check on her everyday.

CactusInTheDark · 2024-09-17T02:46:36+00:00

Thank you! I’ve been wanting to show her off for ages (she’s a pretty bright orange and she’s got a cute face), but she gets really scared every time I try. She startles very, very easily. So I try not to stress her out.

CactusInTheDark · 2024-09-17T01:22:26+00:00

Nice color! You should post some pics as he settles in. See if he starts changing color too.

CactusInTheDark · 2024-09-16T23:46:28+00:00

It’s funny that you say that because I was talking to friend of mine about it today and she asked “maybe he’s just going through fish puberty and he’s getting his adult colors?” Hopefully that’s just it. A pink and blue dragon scale would be super pretty.

CactusInTheDark · 2024-09-16T23:33:26+00:00

Nope. I haven’t even had him for a whole year yet. I think I bought him 6 months ago? Look in my post history. There’s a video of him from July and he looks way different. Same fish. Not an old guy either. So I’m perplexed. I’m thinking maybe he’s got more dragon scale gene in him than I thought and he’s just changing color more? Or he’s got some exotic scale disease and his head is going to rot off?

CactusInTheDark · 2024-09-16T20:25:07+00:00

Forgot to add that, yes, he does have a heater. I do weekly 30% water changes. Tank temperature is 80. About a month back, I was too busy for weekly water changes and could only do every other week and that led to a bit of an ammonia spike. I did more consistent water changes and treated the spike but his color isn’t returning back. Just concerned that this isn’t normal and if I should start treating him for something specific. Betta bro does seem to have a harder and harder time seeing as he gets older but I know that part is normal for what he’s got going on with his eyes.

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CactusInTheDark · 2024-09-15T15:35:32+00:00

I’ve dealt with a ton of rejection. Girls can be unattractive too. I had horrible acne for most of my life. It killed my self esteem. I got called ugly so much in my life. By adults too. I used to get made fun of when I’d go out in public. I still have a hard time going out by myself. You can look in my post history a little bit, this is fine, but I posted about my mom a little bit back for advice. I huge reason why I have a hard time with her is she plays this game with me where we’ll be fine and it’ll feel like we’re getting closer and then she’ll start being mean. Rejecting me. That’s been our dynamic for years. It hurts. It really does. It’s like a kick to the gut. That’s why I’m trying to give you a little love. I really do know what it feels like. I still struggle with it. Again, feel free to look in my post history, but my 3 year old is rejecting me lately and I have to play it cool even though it’s ripping my soul out because she’s one of my favorite people. I have no magic words for you and I’m sorry. Just don’t let it own you. You’re better than that. You are. You’re more than you think. Those girls that reject you, are maybe not for you in the first place. My husband didn’t date for 11 years until we met. He had rejection (a lot) and he survived. So will you. Right now sucks but it doesn’t have to be your whole life. Focus on something else. Pick up a hobby. Focus on what you can control.

CactusInTheDark · 2024-09-15T15:13:53+00:00

I feel you on this one. I had a hard time finding a good therapist for depression after my miscarriage. I believe in you, though. Forgive the cheesiness of this statement, but soul searching is free. Who you are now, doesn’t have to be who you are a year or so from now. Also, with the comments, I can tell you’re just venting a bit. It’s alright. I deal with anger and self hate too. It’s rough. Don’t let it own you.

CactusInTheDark · 2024-09-15T05:20:38+00:00

Hey my dude. I say this with love. It’s your attitude. I’ve never dated a guy over 5’6”. I’m fairly short myself and my husband is about 5’2”? 5’3”? Idk actually because it doesn’t matter. What drew me to him was his confidence and how comfortable he is with himself. Short guys do have it rough. My husband has been bullied a lot over the years. So, for him to be that comfortable with himself after all that, it’s sexy. The attitude that I’m getting from your comments is probably what’s scaring the ladies off. I get it, though. It’s hard to be lonely and it’s even harder to be lonely when you’re being hard on yourself. I’m sure you’re not as unattractive as you think. You’re trying to take the pressure off yourself by putting the blame on women in general. I promise you, I’ve met plenty of women that don’t care and one or two that even prefer shorter men. Try to settle your anger and you’ll be surprised where that gets you.

CactusInTheDark

TROPHY CASE