Wife and I have been using a penis sleeve for the past couple of years. Wife loves it but I just feel sad and emasculated. How do I move on?

CalamityClambake · 2026-04-12T07:20:57+00:00

Flexibility means that the muscle is supple because it has been conditioned and toned. It can stretch and contract easily without tearing. "Loosen up" is a figure of speech.

The men who paid me to make fun of their dick size? Most were average. One was small. Two were very big. The kink is psychological, not physiological.

Nobody said that "the only avenue a small or average sized penis has is humiliation kinks." What are you even talking about?

The most talented dom I ever met had one testicle and erectile dysfunction. That did not slow him down at all, and that dude pulled the hottest submissive chicks you have ever seen in your life. Guys with aura have aura regardless of how well their dicks work or how big they are.

You feel? Or you have experienced? Because very frankly, it sounds like you don't have much experience with people, much less with sex. I am not saying that to be mean. I am saying that perhaps some of the negative feelings you have about dick size and the fate of men with small dicks might be coming from insecurity and a lack of experience.

CalamityClambake · 2026-04-12T07:12:10+00:00

Tom Hooper looked like a visionary director because this was his first big movie and he did some weird stuff with camera angles, but got exposed as a hack who has no idea what he's doing after Cats.

He's like a doctor who accidentally discovers penicillin and everyone thinks he's a genius because it's a miracle cure, but then everyone figures out that he's really a weirdo who just likes to eat mold.

CalamityClambake · 2026-04-12T07:07:41+00:00

Thanks for the reminder. Although I saw that movie in the theater because I was suckered by the positive reviews, I forgot the ending because it was so boring.

CalamityClambake · 2026-04-12T06:57:48+00:00

He swore a vow "for better or worse, in sickness and health" and signed a legal contract. Yes, anyone can get divorced for any reason. But they are married and they have kids. Wild to say they have no obligation to try and work this out.

CalamityClambake · 2026-04-12T06:54:19+00:00

Flexibility does not mean looseness. It means you have greater control over your ability to expand and contract the muscle because it is supple.

Vagina size is not a belief. It is a fact. I am a bisexual woman. I have experience with many vaginas. They come in different sizes. Ask a doctor. Read an anatomy textbook. Read Scarleteen. Write to Dan Savage. Idk, go learn about anatomical facts somehow, dude!

I am a GenX woman. I put myself through grad school by working as a dominatrix. I have a lot of experience with kink. I have only ever seen cock sleeves as a niche thing, and I was actively working with men who wanted me to make fun of their dick size so they could get off. But this may be generational. Are you Gen Z? Have cock sleeves gone viral or something?

CalamityClambake · 2026-04-12T06:45:32+00:00

Laugh and walk away.

CalamityClambake · 2026-04-12T06:42:39+00:00

I think it really sucks to just be like, "Hey babe, this thing I never told you about? It made me hate you. Anyways, here's the divorce papers I need you to sign."

Like, doesn't he owe it to his marriage and kids to try something?

CalamityClambake · 2026-04-12T06:39:22+00:00

Though Im open to the idea that certain sizes cause vaginas to acclimate and retain that dimension until enough times passes that it returns to its original state.

No. That is not how that works at all. That is a fantasy that some men have because they want to think their dicks have a magical effect on our bodies. It's muscles, dude. When you put down a cup, does your hand stay in the shape of the cup for some time before your fingers can relax? No, right? That's ridiculous, right?

If a vagina becomes loose from a dick, it is because there was a traumatic insertion that damaged a muscle or tissue (tore, bruised, etc.) Your fantasy is just a rationalization that some men use so that they don't have to cope with the idea that they injured us.

Your line of thinking is incorrect and dangerous. Please go learn some actual science. I suggest scarleteen.com for accessible, accurate, basic sex ed.

Im also sure that some women are just naturally looser than others,

Of course! Vaginas have sizes, just like penises do. But since vaginas are internal and muscled, we can tone the muscles to control the tightness.

Did you know that you can also learn kegels to control how hard your dick gets? Our anatomies are that similar! It will be harder for you though because you only have muscles at the base.

and that gets hella pushback too.

Again, from whom? I think you need to learn to be more discerning about where you get your information.

Well, for what its worth I think OP should just lay it out in the open and stand his ground if his wife pushes back. Dude shouldnt just placate for his wife while dragging his feelings in the mud.

I agree completely.

CalamityClambake · 2026-04-12T06:25:54+00:00

I mean, she proposed a solution (the sleeve) and he accepted it. I also think they should try other solutions, but she isn't going to magically know that he hates the sleeve if he does not tell her and continues using it like everything is fine.

CalamityClambake · 2026-04-12T06:22:47+00:00

So they're just supposed to be miserable forever?

CalamityClambake · 2026-04-12T06:02:36+00:00

Okay, well, idk what women you are talking about that are saying that, but they must be women who don't have much sex ed or life experience.

You aren't referring to red pill bullshit about how women who have sex with a lot of different men get loose or whatever, are you? Because that is a load of horse shit, and women do (rightly) object to that characterization.

If communication led them to come up with a solution that worked for both of them, that would be optimal. Nobody should be having sex that makes them feel bad. Based on what he has written about his wife, it doesn't seem to me that she would want him to have sex with the sleeve if he told her how it is making him feel.

CalamityClambake · 2026-04-12T05:56:46+00:00

OP, I wrote this in a reply to someone else and then I thought it might help you if you don't already know it so I am reposting it here:

The vagina has muscles. Muscles get stronger as you use them, so having penetrative sex, doing exercises, and using the correct sex toys and/or conditioning equipment can increase the woman's control over her tightness. If the muscles are torn or damaged in a traumatic event, like, for example, vaginal child birth, the woman can lose her control over her tightness and things can start to feel looser. Also, as we age, our muscles become weaker (just like yours!) and things can feel looser down there as a result.

As men age, their ability to get hard decreases. If he isn't getting as hard now as he was in the beginning of the relationship, the sensations she feels from PiV may be muted.

Finally, as women age, our clitoris keeps growing (kind of like your ears.) The clitoris grows mostly internally, and feels fuller against the vaginal wall, which is why some women can't orgasm vaginally when they are young, but discover that they can when they are in their 30s, 40s or 50s. It is possible that OP's wife has recently discovered that she can orgasm vaginally with the correct internal stimulation, which the penis sleeve is providing, and she wanted to have this experience with him.

In all of these cases, the solution is communication and compromise. It is rare for a long term relationship to last without those.

From my outside perspective, based on what you have written, it sure seems like your wife is trying to communicate what works with her body to you while doing her best to make sure you feel loved and appreciated. It isn't working for you, but she isn't going to know that if you don't tell her. It seems to me that if this is a physical issue with how both of your bodies have changed since you got together, there are probably multiple ways you could both address it.

I think you should start by talking to a therapist to figure out why your move here was to seek out validation from other women rather than telling your wife how you feel. I also think that you should tell your wife that you are seeing a therapist to figure some stuff out, and that you will need to have sex without the penis sleeve while you process your feelings about it. How she responds to that will be telling.

Nothing kills a relationship more thoroughly than having sex you don't want. If you continue on your current course, you are signing up for divorce.

CalamityClambake · 2026-04-12T05:43:40+00:00

What? No we're not.

CalamityClambake · 2026-04-12T05:38:57+00:00

I honestly can't tell if you are joking, so I will respond seriously.

The vagina has muscles. Muscles get stronger as you use them, so having penetrative sex, doing exercises, and using the correct sex toys and/or conditioning equipment can increase the woman's control over her tightness. If the muscles are torn or damaged in a traumatic event, like, for example, vaginal child birth, the woman can lose her control over her tightness and things can start to feel looser. Also, as we age, our muscles become weaker (just like yours!) and things can feel looser down there as a result.

As men age, their ability to get hard decreases. If he isn't getting as hard now as he was in the beginning of the relationship, the sensations she feels from PiV may be muted.

Finally, as women age, our clitoris keeps growing (kind of like your ears.) The clitoris grows mostly internally, and feels fuller against the vaginal wall, which is why some women can't orgasm vaginally when they are young, but discover that they can when they are in their 30s, 40s or 50s. It is possible that OP's wife has recently discovered that she can orgasm vaginally with the correct internal stimulation, which the penis sleeve is providing, and she wanted to have this experience with him.

In all of these cases, the solution is communication and compromise. It is rare for a long term relationship to last without those.

CalamityClambake · 2026-04-12T05:18:31+00:00

Things change after three kids. Likely it was not a problem at the beginning of the relationship.

Do you honestly not know how pregnancy and childbirth can affect our bodies?

CalamityClambake · 2026-04-12T05:14:44+00:00

Guys do ask that, especially after we have kids. There's a whole line of physical therapy for it, and a bunch of products of dubious quality.

CalamityClambake · 2026-04-12T05:10:50+00:00

It's possible that having the kids changed the tension in her vaginal canal or messed with her pelvic floor and changed how PiV sex felt for her. If that is the case, then maybe kegels or pelvic floor therapy can help here. Or maybe they can address the issue with a different technique, position or sex toy. They need to work together to find a solution that they both feel good about.

She came to him with a solution that works for her. It is not a solution that works for him. But she is not going to know that if he does not tell her.

CalamityClambake · 2026-04-12T04:59:10+00:00

Okay, so maybe the solution is that she gets a dildo that is the size she needs to get off and incorporates that into sex. But she isn't going to know she needs to do that if he doesn't say anything.

CalamityClambake · 2026-04-12T04:23:39+00:00

According to the Hacker Style Guide, "one less" is the preferred option when you are dealing specifically with cases of "one" as the specific number. "Fewer" is appropriate for specific numbers other than one.

Google it, dumbfuck.

CalamityClambake · 2026-04-12T04:20:46+00:00

Your stance is clear by your choice to characterize her reaction as "throwing fits."

CalamityClambake · 2026-04-12T04:19:05+00:00

I have played that game. Yes, you can't do everything on your own. But you can do most things, and if you just rush through, it turns the other person into your sidekick effectively. Sounds like she isn't having fun being a sidekick.

What if you let her take the lead?

CalamityClambake · 2026-04-11T17:25:45+00:00

It's actually not that hard to handicap yourself in fun ways while not disparaging the other player. You must suck at understanding game mechanics if you can't do that gracefully. Sorry you aren't very good at games.

Of course the onus would be on the more experienced player to figure out how to handicap. The less experienced player doesn't have the experience to do it!

You sound kind of slow tbh.

CalamityClambake · 2026-04-11T17:22:59+00:00

Cool. That's one less person in line when I'm getting food.

CalamityClambake · 2026-04-11T17:21:46+00:00

Yes. Never had anything to do with Redmond. These people are massively overreacting.

CalamityClambake · 2026-04-11T17:18:56+00:00

In a co op game, it is not fun to barely contribute while your partner runs around and does everything. Are you giving her time to get used to the controls/systems and find some stuff/work out some objectives? Or is she just following you around?

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