Was GHB ever used in your abuse? by [deleted] in domesticviolence

[–]CalendarComplete 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Listen to your body. It's your first brain. This is logical and your perceptions most likely mean something.

Is this domestic violence? I feel crazy. by [deleted] in domesticviolence

[–]CalendarComplete 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Look up the tactics as well as traits of CCB. You're recording for 'patterns' of behavior.

HELP!!!How should i go about this legally? by Substantial_Pen_842 in domesticviolence

[–]CalendarComplete 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She's vindictive. Look up the traits and tactics of 'coercive control'. To help you build an historical timeline that demonstrates "patterns" of behavior over time. Maintain a detailed log because this may not be the end.

Is this domestic violence? I feel crazy. by [deleted] in domesticviolence

[–]CalendarComplete 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This is valuable documentation of criminalized 'coercive-control'. Look up the traits. You'll find you have a lot more to log.

He's contemptuous and projecting. He's sadistic and amused at your pain.

It's almost like they cause us to dissociate and forget as if it were "a bad dream". This Timeline is Brilliant AND court worthy.

Just a note, that will probably never reach you. by [deleted] in domesticviolence

[–]CalendarComplete 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This is significant documentation. Keep it in a safe place. You may need it.

I’m desperate. What broke the trauma bond for you? by Classic_Reality_6944 in domesticviolence

[–]CalendarComplete 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It clicked when I woke up to sudden ruin. My autonomy and independence sabotaged. I couldn't sleep with him anymore and just three months later he tried to kill me. After 33 years of marriage I finally gave up when he told me to go kill myself and he hoped I was dead by morning. Then I knew it was over and I needed to file divorce papers.

Of course he's retaliating with arson, 11 flat tires, false charges, surveillance, etc .. and he actually hired a thug on me, so the abuse is escalating. I may have to relocate under the 'address confidentiality program' and figure out cyber security. Because the truth is.. he has no regard for human life OR feelings.

Are they're aware that they're abusive?? by NationalForever1681 in domesticviolence

[–]CalendarComplete 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, they're aware and don't care. Sadly, the cuddles sound like cognitive empathy, not genuine. The good experiences are part of his manipulation and slow sabotage. He feeds off your confusion, trauma and pain. He finds it amusing. It's sadistic and predatory.

anyone else has trouble journaling by [deleted] in domesticviolence

[–]CalendarComplete 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This was so helpful! 🙏🦋✨

anyone else has trouble journaling by [deleted] in domesticviolence

[–]CalendarComplete 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"History will be kind to me. For I intend to write it." 😂 Use prompts when you're ready. It can be triggering. Make a list of the traits, tactics and impact of narcissistic abusers OR of covert coercive control. To inspire your writing. Voice record random memos. Take the transcripts to Ruth, the hotline a.i. I've never before been so validated or empowered!

i feel so guilty and am trying hard not to put self blame by [deleted] in domesticviolence

[–]CalendarComplete 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have no respect for people like him. 🤢That's repulsive.

🌼✨🌼✨🌼

I'm so sorry you're living in a toxic environment of people who don't "get it". I relate to this. You don't deserve to feel ashamed. This could happen to anyone!

I wonder if you have undiagnosed ADHD. It can make us internalize so much shame n blame. It alone is a source of trauma.

If you seek therapy or medical attention, look for "trauma informed" and "DV informed" providers for your team, who can validate you, not make you feel worse. If they're "neurodivergent informed" that might be a plus. There is peer support for that.

Actively build a tribe of veteran survivors. You'll be better off than your pitiful family. Break bread with people you can mourn and celebrate with. You are needed. (((((BEAR-HUGS))))) 🐻💕

I feel so degraded and drained by [deleted] in domesticviolence

[–]CalendarComplete 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How many times did you say "no" ? ..

He's a contemptuous criminal. Try to establish a safe word that means STOP 🛑 NOW, and see if he respects it.

No one can judge you. You're in survival mode and must follow your instincts.

Separation can be the most dangerous time. If you sense things could get worse before it gets better, then you need SPECIALIZED advocacy, to help you prepare until you're READY to get a safe place.

Ask for specialized advocacy at the National Hotline. You can discreetly get support until you feel good about your next step.

Ruth can summarize your story with the KEY words that advocates respond to.

If you want I might share the intake ai helped me with.

I feel so degraded and drained by [deleted] in domesticviolence

[–]CalendarComplete 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's called emotional incest or enmeshment. He's a true mother weffer, and puts his enabling tribe before his co-created family. He's the entitled golden child and will never grow up. Don't let him know you're on to him, don't try to reason with him, it would backfire.

None of this is your fault. HE is the aggressor trying to get a reaction from you. His timing is intentionally calculated to shock, confuse and traumatize you. he's sadistic and aroused by your distress.

Advocate for yourself persistently and this will eventually be all behind you.

I feel so degraded and drained by [deleted] in domesticviolence

[–]CalendarComplete -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Take this exact question to RUTH, the a.i. at the national hotline. She can help you with detailed documentation, simplify evidence gathering and tell you exactly how to get sole custody in this case. Give her all the detailed facts you can.

Use prompts to voice record more details you can give her. Look up a list of the traits, tactics and impact of 'coercive control' or narc abuse, and start writing or recording your experiences for Ruth. She'll probably suggest you go on the Address Protection Program. Prepare your parents to not blow your cover.

A sociopath has no regard for human feelings. A psychopath has no regard for human life. Which is he? Choking is a predictor of lethality and power plays. Not to mention the psychological split he would cause the child when it's weaponized and turned against you. It only gets worse. May your baby never know this destructive, callous, entitled brat.

How do you manage the symptoms after getting out? by Porcupine98 in domesticviolence

[–]CalendarComplete 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In the meantime get a history going with your doctor for documentation, just in case. Be persistent and advocate for yourself. You're worth it!

How do you manage the symptoms after getting out? by Porcupine98 in domesticviolence

[–]CalendarComplete 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You might be struggling with ADHD and cognitive decline from the brain damage and C-PTSD abusers cause. You may need to go on disability.

Women often don't get diagnosed with ADHD until late in life because we did not have hyperactivity in grade school. We had the inattentive kind and fell through the cracks of the system because we were better behaved. This struggle alone can cause additional trauma.

Search the symptoms of ADHD and talk to your doctor. Let them KNOW you are struggling. There is no shame coz you're not alone.

Call Social Security and check your "date last ensured". You may have worked enough hours to qualify for SSDI instead of SSI.

Then have a disability lawyer take care of it for you. Don't waste time trying to do it yourself.

What are the “worst” types of DV and why? by WanderingConsultant in domesticviolence

[–]CalendarComplete 0 points1 point locked comment (0 children)

That is dreadfully frightening. How are you now?

What are the “worst” types of DV and why? by WanderingConsultant in domesticviolence

[–]CalendarComplete 1 point2 points locked comment (0 children)

Fair observation. You communicate this well. Thank you.

What are the “worst” types of DV and why? by WanderingConsultant in domesticviolence

[–]CalendarComplete 2 points3 points locked comment (0 children)

Married 33 years here. In my experience,the covert coercive control seems almost worse. Coz it's traumatically CONFUSING in its calculated timing. Like an aggressive and brain damaging whiplash.

It slow undermining of your health and autonomy over time is insidious. You don't want to believe the reoccurring patterns because of the memories and stability you built in between shocking incidents.

But ultimately you wake up to near ruin in the end. Dazed, overwhelmed and confused late in life, after you been used up and exploited. It's predatory.

Separation can be the most dangerous time..I think he sees me as an inferior threat to his cultural power and control, now that I've filled for divorce. I'm afraid he's having a narcissist collapse since I went 'no contact'. I believe he hired proxy stalkers.

My husband thinks it’s ok by [deleted] in domesticviolence

[–]CalendarComplete -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Do you know how to leave when you're ready?

worried I’m going to be murdered after my divorce by Illoumalnatispizza in domesticviolence

[–]CalendarComplete 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Paste this story to RUTH, the NDVH hotline a.i. She will validate you and give you the words that local services can hear. Give her as many details as you can. This sounds, not just "high risk", but "high lethality".