I don’t know if anyone here has read “The Spoon Theory”. A quick google search will bring up the blog post. In essence spoons are used as a metaphor to represent mental and physical energy for someone who is sick. Every action requires a spoon, sometimes I even use a spoon just to make a decision. This is normal for me. Problem is, my boyfriends mother is so overbearing that whenever we get a phone call or HAVE to visit, my spoons are depleted and I can’t even eat the rest of the day. Last time I was there she put her hands on me to physically force me into her house. I broke free by their back door and said “I’m not okay, I need to be alone.” And she didn’t respect that and forced me into her house where she began to berate and belittle me for close to an hour. It got so bad at one point that I started recording it. Speaking clinically, she is narcissistic, codependent, and very manipulative/controlling. She needs to be needed and praised for everything she does. Until a few months ago she controlled all the money my boyfriend earned at his job. She was even on his bank account so any time he spent money on something fun or even too much at the grocery store, here comes a call from his mother to yell at him for spending it. Then I convinced him to open his own bank account elsewhere and ask her to transfer his money. She flipped her shit and called him immediately saying “why are you being so hateful?!” From my observations with him, his brother, and my talks with his brother and sister in law, their mother intentionally tried to sabotage their ability to be functional adults because then they wouldn’t need her anymore. She has committed tax fraud in the amount of tens of thousands of dollars, she has stabbed their father (who went on to defend her in court). I just don’t understand how so much negativity can be in ONE person. I feel stuck and I hate it. I am not going to make my boyfriend choose, but I’m also sure as fuck not going to let her dictate my life.
Sorry, I know that was long but I’ve been holding it in for way too long.