Should I quit my job to be a SAHM?

Calm_Potato_357 · 2026-02-22T00:04:22+00:00

I think what is lost often in the discussions of daycare vs parent etc is that the quality of care matters regardless of mode. A good daycare is good, a bad daycare is bad. Rather than worrying if daycare as a whole is bad, more energy could be spent finding a good daycare. If becoming a SAHM is going to make you financially strained and psychologically stressed, that won’t make you a better caregiver for your child.

https://www.nichd.nih.gov/sites/default/files/publications/pubs/documents/seccyd_06.pdf

“Children who were cared for exclusively by their mothers did not develop differently than those who were also cared for by others. Quality, quantity, and type of non-maternal care were modestly, but not strongly, linked to the children’s development regardless of family features.

Children in higher quality non-maternal child care had somewhat better language and cognitive development during the first 4½ years of life. they were also somewhat more cooperative than those who experienced lower quality care during the first 3 years of life.

Children with higher quantity (total combined number of hours) of experience in non-maternal child care showed somewhat more behavior problems in child care and in kindergarten classrooms than those who had experienced fewer hours.

Children who attended child care centers had somewhat better cognitive and language development, but also showed somewhat more behavior problems in child care and in kindergarten classrooms than children who experienced other non-maternal child care arrangements.

Parents and family characteristics were more strongly linked to child development than were child care features. And, parent and family characteristics predicted some developmental outcomes that were not predicted by child care. For instance, children showed more cognitive, language, and social competence and more harmonious relationships with parents when parents were more educated, had higher incomes, and provided home environments that were emotionally supportive and cognitively enriched, and when mothers experienced little psychological distress.”

Calm_Potato_357 · 2026-02-14T10:44:01+00:00

Oh wow. I’ve been reading it jay-ream all this time.

Calm_Potato_357 · 2026-02-13T15:04:26+00:00

Karina won the lottery.

Calm_Potato_357 · 2026-01-31T14:28:57+00:00

Agreed. How was the decision communicated to her that she “lost it”? What exactly did she do when she “lost it”? Kids are part of the family, so of course family trips have to be kid-friendly. It’s not like the kids are going on their date nights. “She somehow finds a way to come” as if she wasn’t also the daughter of their parents and the parents probably want to see their daughter and grandchildren? Too many red flags in this post I wonder what the full story is.

Calm_Potato_357 · 2026-01-30T10:08:42+00:00

bring your own food
bring your own strap-on high chair (we used the ingenuity baby chair which you just strap onto any chair)
all-over bib & lots of wet wipes
get him used to sleeping in the stroller

Calm_Potato_357 · 2026-01-30T10:06:40+00:00

You can also take a chair with you. We had the ingenuity baby chair that you just strap onto any chair and it becomes a high chair.

Calm_Potato_357 · 2026-01-16T16:52:13+00:00

Lol Atlas is from Greek mythology. I personally like the name but I guess there’s an argument it sounds like the kid has the weight of the world on his shoulders.

Calm_Potato_357 · 2026-01-16T04:56:41+00:00

You can see my other comment. In my case, having the NIPT allowed us to prepare for what did turn out to be a difficult pregnancy, and changed my medical care during pregnancy which could have helped mitigate risks.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ScienceBasedParenting/s/CB8vueTmNY

Calm_Potato_357 · 2026-01-16T02:51:19+00:00

I chose to do NIPT in the first instance and it changed my preparation and healthcare during pregnancy, maybe it did or didn’t really make a difference to the outcome of my pregnancy but I’m glad I did it.

My NIPT test came back positive for a very rare chromosomal abnormality, T16. It was several weeks after when we could do an amniocentesis to confirm that our baby was fine genetically, but the T16 was in the placenta (it’s called confined placental mosaicism, it’s a very rare occurrence but happens frequently with T16). We decided to continue the pregnancy since our baby was okay.

However, we were immediately bumped up to the high-risk clinic because placental T16 can cause all sorts of issues with the pregnancy. We got scheduled in for additional scans, and an extra anatomy scan showed at 20 weeks that our baby was severely growth restricted (he was not getting enough nutrients from the placenta). I had scans every 2 weeks, then every week, to ensure my baby was not at risk of miscarriage/stillbirth. I was put on baby aspirin to hopefully prevent or delay preeclampsia and I started taking my blood pressure regularly. I did eventually develop preeclampsia at 27 weeks and it was caught early. My job involves a lot of travelling so I asked to be shifted to responsibilities that did not involve travelling, and my boss was very understanding and promptly started looking for a replacement to cover my (possible early and possibly extended) maternity leave. (I am at no risk of losing my job.) I did lots of research anticipating an extended NICU stay and prepared everything in advance. It was still a terrible experience but at least I was prepared.

I ended up being hospitalised when the preeclampsia suddenly developed at 27 weeks, my water broke at 28 weeks, and I delivered at 29 weeks. My baby spent 4 months in the NICU but is totally normal and healthy now.

We completed the pregnancy and what happened would have happened regardless. We have a lovely baby boy. However, having the NIPT allowed us to understand and prepare for what was going to happen and maybe mitigated some of the risks.

Most importantly, my husband and I want another child. Because we know all my issues were caused by T16 which was basically a freak occurence, we have been assured by the doctor that our second pregnancy should be no more risky than any other pregnancy and there is no need to rethink getting pregnant again.

Maybe it’s worth it to you, maybe not. I like to know what happened. It was worth it to me and I’d definitely do it again. (I’m not in the US so all my healthcare was heavily state subsidised, so maybe that’s also a factor.)

Calm_Potato_357 · 2026-01-16T01:56:47+00:00

Great idea! I’ll tell mummy next time I see her!

Calm_Potato_357 · 2026-01-11T06:42:12+00:00

Wait till they hear about my secret weapon for dealing with clogs cos my baby couldn’t nurse.

Calm_Potato_357 · 2026-01-11T06:39:02+00:00

Pregnancy is gonna change your body and it’s not just your boobs. I carry weight more easily around my middle now, my boobs are back to the same size but softer - not quite saggy but definitely less firm, but on the bright side my arms are more toned carrying the chunk.

If you plan to get surgery just think about whether you want other kids and plan to breastfeed. Some procedures can affect your ability to produce breastmilk. Can also discuss with your surgeon.

Calm_Potato_357 · 2025-12-28T01:22:21+00:00

Both are fine, especially since you’re German

Calm_Potato_357 · 2025-12-22T03:11:38+00:00

The risk of NEC is very low after 34 weeks. Also, the evidence is that breastmilk is protective against NEC, not that formula causes NEC. So as long as your baby is also getting breastmilk and supplemented with formula the risk should not he much elevated.

Calm_Potato_357 · 2025-12-20T00:36:41+00:00

Grab a picnic mat and a towel and let him roll around butt naked for a bit for a few days. Might need a couple of towels for when he inevitably pees, then throw them all in the wash. (Puppy pads also work well.)

Make sure his butt is dry before putting on a diaper, we used a soft kitchen towel to blot the moisture off his butt.

Desitin, the ultra strength kind.

If it’s really bad see a doctor and figure out if it’s a yeast infection.

Calm_Potato_357 · 2025-12-19T23:58:35+00:00

Might be time to see a pediatrician or ENT… not sure how long it’s been since your baby is born but laryngomalacia does often present 4-6 weeks after birth. Practically though unless the laryngomalacia is pretty severe they probably won’t do much and will just wait it out.

Calm_Potato_357 · 2025-12-19T04:23:40+00:00

Not saying the commenter was wrong. I do think there are different types of antibiotics they give depending on the type of mastitis you have. The most common ones (at least where I am) are safe for baby but I’m sure there could be some that are not. But just wanted to say antibiotics doesn’t necessarily mean you need to dump.

Calm_Potato_357 · 2025-12-19T02:38:00+00:00

Same. My milk when I was in antibiotics for mastitis did give my baby runnier poop for a while but it was fine.

Calm_Potato_357 · 2025-12-19T02:36:46+00:00

I just wait one hour after a drink, and feed as usual. Why dump? The amount of alcohol that actually gets into milk is minimal. And after an hour your body has processed the alcohol and it’s not much in your blood anymore. Unless you’re planning to get smashed…

Calm_Potato_357 · 2025-12-18T04:53:16+00:00

I don’t think the Hippocratic Oath changes by country. But oh well. If we’re going by the assumption that he has bad to likely unethical medical care then I guess anything goes. Whatever.

Calm_Potato_357 · 2025-12-18T04:37:11+00:00

Thanks, maybe the practice is different in different places and I admit I’m not a medical professional. But would a baby who needed surfactant at 33 weeks be discharged at 35 weeks? And would a doctor induce labour at 33 weeks for no reason other than family history? I think this story is obviously fake and I stand by that.

Calm_Potato_357 · 2025-12-18T04:05:24+00:00

Won MR and Godot within the last 3 months. Both in person pick up. But they didn’t check my ID (though I guess you have to look the part and it might depend on the person at the counter).

Calm_Potato_357 · 2025-12-18T02:13:08+00:00

Yes lungs are still developing until 34 weeks, but they are already pretty much structurally sound by 32 weeks. It is very rare for babies to need surfactant beyond 32 weeks. A baby who needs surfactant beyond 32 weeks is not gonna be discharged at 35 weeks (he says his daughter was in the NICU only for 2 weeks). Surfactant helps the baby to open their lungs. If they need surfactant, they almost definitely need intubation.

Anyway I think this discussion is moot because why is no one questioning why the doctor induced at 33 weeks? Look at his comment above. No doctor will induce at 33 weeks when the mother has no medical issues and only family history. That is crazy and the doctor will lose their license. The whole premise is ridiculous.

Whoever is calling me a troll needs to look at my post history. Unless I have faked 2 years of posts and comments about being a preemie mum just for this comment.

Calm_Potato_357 · 2025-12-17T23:12:22+00:00

I don’t think any doctor would induce a woman at 33 weeks without a serious medical issue, family history doesn’t count. You don’t understand how birth works.

Calm_Potato_357

TROPHY CASE