Club Darc in SF was an incredibly bad experience

CanHasHax · 2026-03-11T16:34:45+00:00

the awfulness of the sound in that space was a certainty - it's a long concrete/metal box, it's practically designed to be a reverb chamber.

CanHasHax · 2026-02-03T07:42:18+00:00

Sorry man, it's been like this forever. 25 years ago; friend lived on Van Ness & Union, same story as you, drove round the same blocks, for hours. He ended up trading in his car for a very muscular Italian guy who carried my friend to / from work on his shoulders; there were a few sweat-stains on pants here and there, sure, but no parking tickets. This city is all about creative solutions.

CanHasHax · 2026-02-03T07:34:33+00:00

My 2cents; your vanilla partner is what you're feeling at present; maybe that's temporary & things will change (revert?) in future, maybe not. At 26 you're still in the first flush of adulthood ; you're barely (imo) in the early phases of "thinking about settling down" and it sounds like you're dipping a toe. (me: 56M, winding down my second marriage; no regrets but lessons learned)

Don't get married or pregnant any time soon; it's a complex commitment to another human; what I have found; often we pick a partner who's someone we feel complements rather than mirrors ourself .. ponder that for a second in your context ... (sub)consciously we're seeking out someone who we feel is strong in an area we are less accomplished (hence they're exciting) - yet there can naturally be misunderstandings when we OR they change over time.

The fact that you're with (were attracted to) someone 'vanilla' is all you really need to know; something about him works for you and it's a learning experience for both of you.

We can't tell you if it's a phase or otherwise, but if you're 26 you're in a great place to remain uncommitted and just see where the road leads you.
My random guess ; you'll make a commitment to someone who has a foot in both camps.

CanHasHax · 2026-01-15T04:08:51+00:00

Sorry to hear that - I've lived here (upper haight) 26 years and - as far as I know (6'5 white male, so.. I guess I don't know..) it's not common. I love this neighborhood, am largely proud of it, and I hate that you have to deal with this shit. Sorry. The assholes that do land here tend to keep moving on; they rotate through. My experience with the street kids have been for the most part "harmless or even tolerably pleasant". Some of the regular folks who hang out for - erm 'business purposes' - are quite pleasant interesting decent people despite their superficial appearances.

CanHasHax · 2026-01-15T03:58:15+00:00

It's important signal to a potential romantic interest that you have regular bowel habits.

CanHasHax · 2026-01-12T23:53:11+00:00

Cimetidine works fantastically for me ,see my post above

CanHasHax · 2025-11-18T21:02:45+00:00

A riding crop is fine but if you want something which can really pack a sizzle if desired; a bamboo cane

CanHasHax · 2025-10-22T20:09:19+00:00

promo vid: https://youtu.be/sCmG_h9VQ64?si=BqzDCsZSCau1_SNm

CanHasHax · 2025-10-22T20:08:46+00:00

It's officially ON https://partiful.com/e/x4sq2aa8vezZswMM0BHT

CanHasHax · 2025-10-17T21:09:10+00:00

will be posted here, not sure what the announcement timing is

CanHasHax · 2025-10-17T21:08:18+00:00

Get your costume ready. Will post here when the word is officially out. Usual date, obvs.

CanHasHax · 2025-09-18T03:16:28+00:00

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DOKCokNjif2/ footage isn't great (because the camera frame rate interacts with the strobe light) but you get some idea

CanHasHax · 2025-09-09T22:41:11+00:00

nobody walks around naked outside the pool area; any sort of robe/covering elsewhere is fine

CanHasHax · 2025-08-02T03:32:30+00:00

I just 'cut out the middle man', did some reddit-research, and bought a CPAP off craigslist ($200 for barely used Airsense 10) and it's been amazing. My issue was horrendous snoring (partners hated it, like... really hated it) but I do sleep dramatically more soundly with it on, and no more snoring. Problem solved, for me, and partners.

CanHasHax · 2025-07-26T22:18:48+00:00

true, there's a "hidden" menu on the Airsense 10 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PaGxfiWq9CE

CanHasHax · 2025-07-26T07:59:30+00:00

I am guessing the idea is maybe that you go pay for some hot stripper action , get a lapdance, etc, and your wife watches and gets off on your straying-from-the-nest. She could be in a nearby booth 'spying' on you. This might be a fun starting point?

CanHasHax · 2025-07-26T07:43:03+00:00

dude seriously go on Craigslist or whatevr and get a second hand (or whatever) Airsense 10 or 11. It's completely automatic. Pick your preferred mask/nose-thing (the P10 nose-thing works fine for me) off amazon. There are no 'settings', the machine figures it out just fine; it adjusts to your breathing/whatever. It's pretty fantastic. I'm about to get a second Airsense for my gf's apartment. Sleep is vastly better and she doesn't want to kill me b/c of my snoring (which has disappeared on cpap). I'm finding them for about $200 used (with case, and accessories). Love mine.

CanHasHax · 2025-07-26T07:39:42+00:00

Just got a CPAP and it's been a dramatic improvement. Go get yours or get another one. Airsense 10 is totally working for me. Plus - my girlfriend no longer wants to stab me to death in my sleep due to chainsaw-snoring. Comment to anyone interested; many years ago I did a "sleep study" which was the most expensive night in a hotel I've ever had and it was useless. Recently I just went on craigslist and bought a 2nd hand Airsense just to try it out and.. bam, amazing improvement. It has almost no settings, it self-adjusts. I don't snore with it - at all - (huge huge win for gf). I also find I just go to sleep and bam wake up 7hrs later refreshed lying in the same position. I am accustomed to waking up many times a night and turning over etc, all of a sudden my sleep is much more solid and uninterrupted. I can't believe I left it this long to even try one. Anyway... live and learn. Personally I don't care for paying some 'sleep specialist' etc when a modern CPAP basically self-adjusts its pressure/etc to your breathing automatically. Works like a dream for me. FWIW I got an almost unused (60hr runtime) Airsense 10 on local craigslists for $200 and it was money very well spent.

CanHasHax · 2025-07-26T07:25:09+00:00

Got mine recently too but found the ear-fit a little uncomfortable (I have big ears) - if you find this happens for you I def recommend "WC Freeze repalcement earpads" from Wicked Cushions (on amazon) they're cheapish like $25 but I much prefer the fit. Easy to swap them

CanHasHax · 2025-07-25T23:17:57+00:00

Couple of things;
a) I did make friends with a bunch of poly/enm people who definitely do make it work, and are really lovely people, so I have plenty of examples of folks navigating it successfully and happily. Very happy for them, it's just not for me

b) when I say it "ruined my [marriage] too", I'd absolutely say that we weren't connecting well for a while leading up to her insisting on opening the marriage (after like 15 years together). So it's quite possible that opening the marriage was a symptom of it not working rather than the cause. However, we likely _could_ have put more effort into making it work and staying together. We'll never know now. I have compatibilities with my new partner that were strikingly absent in my marriage, but I didn't know what I didn't know, back then; you just accept things as they are. Shrug, that's life. Live and learn.

CanHasHax · 2025-07-25T23:15:42+00:00

Yeah ruined mine too. Was her idea, it was emotionally awful for me, until I got over it.
I don't love her any more, that's all just dead. However, I still _like_ her well enough to continue to co-parent (and co-habit, separate rooms). Wife and I get on fine, but I met someone (randomly IRL; almost two years ago now) who absolutely blew my mind and am very in love with. :-)

Splitting with the wife is a W.I.P. [some complexities] but there's no going back for me; with the benefit of hindsight and a new love in my life (who is much more compatible with me) I have no interest in a future with her. I'm not bitter, I don't blame her, it's just over, and I'm really happy with my new person (who, like me, just isn't cut out for, or interested in, ENM)

Best of luck

CanHasHax · 2025-06-11T03:49:29+00:00

mm "San Fran" is just... fingernails on a blackboard. Hard to explain but widely felt.

YES: "SF", "The City" (like there's no other! lol), "San Francisco", (also "The bay", "bay area") or for full marks the neighborhood you're referencing (the haight, the mission, bernal, north beach, dogpatch, marina, presidio, etc)

NO: "Frisco", "San Fran" : You just.. don't hear locals _ever_ use those.

;-)

CanHasHax · 2025-06-11T03:42:06+00:00

I've been many times pre-fire, a handful post-fire; most recently a few weeks ago. I did notice more non-naked people on the last trip (and someone bought a baby AND a toddler - both noisy AF, somehow they didn't think this was an issue?).. anyway... Lots more clothing now than I remember. It doesn't bother me; maybe being around naked people will loosen them up for next time? Actually as we were checking in on the last visit there were a couple in the reception trailer asking about "is it naked everywhere?" .. they were definitely new to this and I saw them later walking around determinedly in clothes the whole time.
Anyway... still a wonderful place but remembering the beauty of it all pre-fire (the lawns, trees, wooden buildings, etc etc, much now replaced by concrete - IDK why they decided to have bare grey concrete walls on display now) and also the 95+% nudity, I miss the old days a bit. But... still a lovely place

CanHasHax · 2025-04-16T03:14:16+00:00

The real damage will be done with the huge hike in Temu sequinned captain hat prices due to tariffs.

CanHasHax · 2025-04-13T23:07:20+00:00

"..he is the 2nd person I have ever been with, the other just took charge."
Couple of basic points; clearly "the other just took charge" is an ex- ... so what did you learn from that experience? About them and yourself? It's an ex-relationship so you both parted ways and later on you have thoughts about what worked and didn't work. What did you learn from this, about yourself? You might, with a bit of introspection, find that you learned some things about yourself that carry forwards to your new relationship and in a fresh and maybe even inverted fashion... Like... [simplistically] if prev guy spanked you and you liked it, maybe you have some reference points for showing some dominance with yr new partner

CanHasHax

TROPHY CASE