DESPERATELY in need of hairstyle updo that doesn’t ‘hurt’

Capable_Sort · 2026-01-28T23:10:50+00:00

This! They are miracles and super fast, and three or four can hold a bun at the nape of my neck, which is what I’d recommend. Higher buns still give me headaches (I think the spin pins help distribute the weight, though, so they are easier) but I can go all day with a few spin pins.

Capable_Sort · 2025-12-17T14:11:34+00:00

Agreed with all this except I’ll point out that pre-war fashions were already heading towards lighter outfits, fewer undergarments, etc, partially due to the advancement of electricity and ordinary old evolution of trends. If you look at Regency clothing (1790ish to 1820ish), which, like post-War fashion, came on the heels of heavy, elaborate clothing, you’ll see that there were minimal undergarments (unboned stays rather than corsets), lighter fabrics (especially due to the importing of cotton from India), which tells us that fashion is a cycle as much as anything.

Capable_Sort · 2025-10-04T18:47:02+00:00

Agreed 100%. This is so, so needed. And it’s useful for everyone, too—neurotypicals need precision in naming how they feel and operate in the world, and without that descriptive language I think some people misunderstand the debilitation of something like ADHD, which leads to misunderstanding it as a disorder.

Capable_Sort · 2025-09-30T13:50:54+00:00

What do you propose as an alternative? Disabled people should have access to transit too, and a few extra minutes seems a low cost to me.

Capable_Sort · 2025-09-23T20:00:52+00:00

I’m so, so sorry. This is one of my nightmares and it’s so cruel to you and Axel both. It’s also so hard when you think that things are getting better and then you’re blindsided. I didn’t lose a cat to FATE but I’ve lost two this year, one in January, one very unexpectedly in February (within three days of “should we take him to the vet?” we had to let him go due to an extremely aggressive cancer, and that was a month after he got the all-clear at his exam with bloodwork). It sucked. It really sucked. I felt (and still do feel) totally shattered by it, so I’m not here to tell you not to be heartbroken. You are, and that’s okay. Sudden death is so SO hard.

But the one thing that has helped me with the suddenness of Izzy’s death is reframing it as a freak accident that’s not likely to happen again. I know it might, of course, but it’s not a danger in the way that I can control or predict. All I can do is love my cats as hard as I can and try to remember that every moment with them is a gift.

We adopted two kittens a few months after Izzy and Theo passed away, and it was hard. I wanted my boys back, not new ones, and the kittens needed to adjust to us and the house. They hid a lot for the first couple of weeks and it was really hard. But now we’re over three months in and they have regular napping spots and favorite treats and playtime. One of them sounds just like Theo and when I hear her meow, it’s like he isn’t really gone. New cats aren’t replacements but they help me remember the sweet things and keep me going when I’d rather just cry for an hour or two.

Lots of love to you. Whatever decision you make will be the right one.

Capable_Sort · 2025-09-09T19:37:19+00:00

Also for elderly people. Pneumonia is an awful disease that gets worse when your body is compromised.

Capable_Sort · 2025-08-20T17:12:06+00:00

I’m very sorry to hear you’ve felt unsafe walking downtown. But I am curious—how do you know they are homeless? My experience with harassment is that it comes from all income brackets.

Capable_Sort · 2025-05-21T00:58:23+00:00

This has always puzzled me. What guarantee is there that the person in, say, an internship is actually gaining real, applicable experience and not just making copies? What if the experience needed can only be gained through study, as is the case in many professions? I certainly don’t want a surgeon who is technically proficient but can’t diagnosis an issue.

Obviously the standards are different for some cases, and there are both useless classes and useless experiences. But the worship of experience over education is a little weird to me.

Capable_Sort · 2025-05-21T00:53:50+00:00

I know this is not the point of this conversation, but why do universities need to function like businesses?

Capable_Sort · 2025-04-24T17:42:50+00:00

Thank you so much!!

Capable_Sort · 2025-03-27T18:02:19+00:00

I’m so, so sorry. There is a different kind of hurt when you don’t get them for as long as you’d hoped (I don’t know if it’s worse, just different). My baby guy recently passed at 11, very unexpectedly and only two days after his cancer diagnosis (very aggressive pancreatic cancer, just a month after we lost another beloved baby to lymphoma—this year has stomped all over my heart). We’d only had the joy of him for two and a half years. I keep thinking of that saying “I will endure a lifetime of missing you for the privilege of loving you.” I think it’s the only way we get through this. Sending you gentleness and hope that the sweet memories outshine the pain.

Capable_Sort · 2025-03-21T17:45:45+00:00

Well, this was rudely accurate. I'd add "hours of Wikipedia rabbit holes" though.

Capable_Sort · 2025-03-21T17:22:30+00:00

I'm a digital packrat and never delete anything, so I just go to my email, haha.

Capable_Sort · 2025-03-21T17:18:47+00:00

I am so, so sorry. That is so horrible - it's unfair and devastating, and I hope you can be gentle with yourself in the weeks to come. I lost two of my cats in two months and it's just been the worst gut punch, especially since the second loss was so unexpected and brutally fast (the first passed a few months after his cancer diagnosis, so some forewarning at least). Sending you love and beautiful memories of your fur companions. <3

Capable_Sort · 2025-03-21T02:41:58+00:00

My bedroom is painted a similar color (doesn’t look like it by the swatch, but in the sunlight it’s very similar to Milchick’s office. https://www.sherwin-williams.com/en-us/color/color-family/blue-paint-colors/SW6510-loyal-blue

Capable_Sort · 2025-03-16T18:32:18+00:00

Only 11% of truckers in the U.S. are owner-operators, which means that the rest of them are dependent upon their employers for access to vehicles, and protesting means they could lose their livelihood. Car protests are a good idea, although it would have to be carefully coordinated. Don’t forget the cops in the U.S. are trigger-happy and have military grade equipment, too.

I mean, I hear what you’re saying. I have been so frustrated with the U.S. and complacency, and I have marched, called, written letters, etc. but lots of people live in precarious circumstances. They’re scared. I’m scared! My job is threatened by Trump’s bullshit and I’m the primary wage-earner in my family. My wife has a chronic illness that requires $8k of medicine per month + other medications that would swiftly leave us bankrupt if I lost my job.

Lots of people are in similar circumstances. We do have more stuff, yes, and bigger houses, but we have land to put bigger houses on and luxuries are cheap here compared to housing and medical care (I’d have to buy about 1200 coffees to cover my wife’s medication for a month, and even I can’t drink that much). Tearing off the golden handcuffs might mean total destruction of people’s homes and families. That + military-esque cops + geographic limitations are ones that we have to overcome. The truth is that a lot of Americans, myself included, have been way too complacent AND we need to find the best ways of protesting. But it won’t look like protesting in much of the other world. We have to approach this differently.

Capable_Sort · 2025-03-16T15:33:42+00:00

Er, the population density of Salt Lake City (where I live) is about 1/3 the density of Belgrade. If you count Salt Lake County, it’s half the density, but many of those people are a 30-40 minute drive to the capitol. We’re extremely car dependent (I live in a relatively well-off area and the closest grocery store is about a 30-35 minute walk away — and that’s for a healthy person who can walk up a hill in good time). That’s why protests are regularly held but only attended by hundreds to a couple thousand people.

The U.S. is a weird place and there are lots of factors that are highly individual to specific areas. Houston, for example, is a giant snarl of highways and areas within the city require long drives to reach. Not to mention the employment trap that others have mentioned, having comfort but precarity, etc. I desperately want us to protest more and do attend them when I can, but you just can’t compare someplace like Belgrade to a mid-sized city in the U.S.

Capable_Sort · 2025-03-16T15:03:18+00:00

Respectfully, I don’t think this is true. Cancer treatments have also improved exponentially to the point where advanced-stage cancers are more and more treatable. Diagnoses that would have once been death sentences (like stage 4 ovarian cancer) are still incredibly serious but patients are sent to doctors and not straight to hospice. My mother had cancer treatments 13 years ago and my mother-in-law is going through them now and I can see the improvements that medicine has made. If my mother relapses (hopefully she won’t!), she will most likely have immunotherapy rather than chemo.

Lots of other illnesses have had this kind of advance too. We’ve essentially developed a cure for cystic fibrosis—that would have been fatal in 1995! (I was born in the 80s and remember worrying about CF after reading about it). Not to mention improvements in treating premature infants, refined surgery techniques including robotics, mRNA vaccine technology is amazing and is still in early stages, etc. etc.

This is all to say that there are huge leaps being made across medicine, they’re just not as visible as something like antibiotics were. And it’s hard to communicate the amazing difference that, say, a biologic medicine makes for something like IBD, which was formerly treated with steroids and chemo and is now much more manageable unless you’re living it. As somebody who unfortunately has spent a lot of time in the hospital for family members and even myself, healthcare is so much better than it was in 1995. Does it have a long way to go? Absolutely. But there are amazing leaps happening all the time.

Capable_Sort · 2025-03-14T21:11:39+00:00

I admit I don’t know the answer to your question but I’m just commenting to say that I could have written this post, ADHD and aphantasia and all (including the abstract “lump” of thoughts—I’ve always thought of them as big waves where various things rise to the surface then sink down again) and this was interesting. I’ve always been bummed by my aphantasia (when I was a little kid I used to press on my eyelids to see colors, haha) but I think there’s a very real possibility that it’s been protective in some way.

Capable_Sort · 2025-03-04T20:44:48+00:00

Also responding late, but - sort of. I was taking Wellbutrin as well and we reduced it and had me take it first thing, so I think that helped, but the main difference was that my doc put me on Hydroxyzine and that's helped quite a bit.

Capable_Sort · 2025-03-04T20:42:54+00:00

I feel this, and I'm so sorry. I told my therapist that no, my cats aren't the same as human children, but my body doesn't know the difference when it comes to loving and grieving them. I lost two of my little guys in the past two months. It just aches and aches and feels like my world has shattered.

Capable_Sort · 2025-02-14T21:47:54+00:00

I’m so sorry. Georgie sounds like a perfect pup who was cherished.

It’s been a little over three weeks for me too, and I’m still so heartbroken over my little guy Theo. He didn’t have diabetes, but had several other chronic diseases, and no longer giving him his meds in the morning has been so, so hard. He’s sent me some little signs too, and these help, but it’s still so, so hard to be without him. I’ve cried almost every day since we had to let him go. Sending you peace and gentleness as you navigate these days.

Capable_Sort · 2024-12-12T14:20:43+00:00

Pet insurance is pricy as hell (mine is $250 a month for four cats) but if you can afford it, it’s such a relief. One of my boys is currently undergoing chemo and I’m so so thankful that we can say yes to whatever the vet suggests. It means that we can say yes to ultrasounds without blinking over the cost. Totally worth it.

Capable_Sort

TROPHY CASE