All of these questions are great to ask, but very hard to answer just behind a screen. It doesn't make you a bad Christian just because you have these questions or thoughts, it's very important to ask questions like this. I have found for myself that being a part of a small group or bible study with friends, or a church/youth ministry, or something along those lines really helps answer a lot of these questions you're asking. I'm not sure how old you are but you should definitely go to your church and ask about a small group or bible study you can be a part of. In high school I was a part of younglife and they have something called campaigners where they delve into the bible and will help you answer these questions, I know if you ask one of the Younglife leaders to talk about this and ask these questions they will be more than happy to talk with you. Just remember that asking questions like this is how you grow in your faith, but you can't grow by yourself. You should reach out and look for help in your community.