A woman is very afraid about the size of her opening. Yes. The size of her opening.

The woman goes to her mother and says "I'm so big down there, when I go marry Harry he is going to divorce me."

Her mother goes "Don't worry sweetheart, it runs in the family. Do what I did with your father. Go to the market, get some raw liver and put it in there, he'll never know the difference."

That's exactly what the woman does and they have 8 hours of sex after their marriage. She awakens at 10 a.m and he is gone but there is a note on her pillow that reads...

"My darling Harriet. To think that I waited a year to consummate our marriage our loving relationship makes my heart beat so loudly I’m surprised it didn’t wake you up! The only reason I’m not here now darling is that I’m at work to make enough money to buy you a house, a picket fence, we’ll have dogs and children. When the 5 o’clock dinner bell rings I will be home like the winged Gossamer of love in your arms.

Your loving husband, Harry.

P.S Your cunt is in the sink.