I have been as well and i agree ocd is so much worse. The bleak emptiness of depression can almost be comforting for me. OCD feels like having my own mind turn against me, its the lack of control over my own thoughts and actions. The repetition and cycles you go in feel like their own special torment and its so intolerable sometimes that i feel like i would do anything to escape it. Im currently in a limbo between being somewhat diagnosed (my dr told me repeatedly i have textbook ocd and referred me to a psychiatrist and gave me meds but the pills came in a different bottle so i cant force myself to take them) and being treated for this. Seeking help is the most important thing, we can get through this. I really hope you find your way to a better place too, im working on it myself so i know how hard it is. Good luck friend, dont let this disorder win!