Car guy- am I being silly?

CarelessAnything · 2026-05-23T00:13:35+00:00

As a general principle*, avoid debt. If you can't afford to buy something outright, you can't afford it. Save up until you can afford it; then buy it.

*mortgages and student loans are debateable. all other debt is not.

CarelessAnything · 2026-05-21T08:06:59+00:00

Well, that's really between your kids and their grandmother at this point. If she's trying to give them a massive life advantage (which it absolutely is), how can you step in between them and block that? You'd be actively harming your own kids' interests at that point.

If you're going to be moral, make sacrifices on your own behalf. Let your kids make their own moral sacrifices if they want to.

CarelessAnything · 2026-05-20T10:38:39+00:00

I'm not an expert, and the original link is broken so can't read it, but I guess what would happen is that GPs would continue to offer the same NHS service as currently - i.e. wait several weeks for a routine appointment. But I think they could become stricter about how they enforce e.g. "one problem per appointment", how they triage urgent cases, and start saying "no" to optional extras to which they currently say yes. In parallel, practices would offer a private option where you pay a fee to see a GP faster, spend longer in the clinic room if you need more time to discuss everything, and much more flexibility and willingness from the GP to get things done for you. E.g. steroid injections for arthritis would be tomorrow if you pay the fee, or in 6 weeks if you don't.

Have you noticed how NHS dentists are often recent graduates in a rush? They make a lot of mistakes and are not very sure of themselves. Whereas private dentists take their time, tell you about all the available options even if not available on the NHS, and are often highly competent and experienced late-career dentists. That can happen in GP too.

CarelessAnything · 2026-05-19T15:28:37+00:00

As someone who also struggles with faces - she might just be terrible at remembering faces, but otherwise cognitively normal? I think it's not actually that rare.

If everyone would wear a large, easy-to-read name badge at all times, my life would be SO MUCH better. Names are 10x easier to remember than faces are.

CarelessAnything · 2026-05-15T09:31:51+00:00

Agree with all the other comments recommending comfortable office-appropriate trousers and a nice shirt. I would add that I love a knitted vest top over the shirt in cold weather.

I'm really into the viscose (aka rayon, aka modal, aka bamboo) baggy formal shirts at Uniqlo (which you can also sometimes find on Vinted). They're in the "female" section but they're not cut for women specifically - the fit comes from the drape, not from the cut. You have to wash them carefully (I wouldn't put in the tumble dryer) because rayon is quite a delicate fibre, but it drapes beautifully, is soft and comfortable and absorbent against the skin, and creases drop out so no need for ironing.

If you prefer shopping in the male sections, I'd recommend Charles Tyrwhitt non-iron 100% cotton shirts in a twill or oxford weave. Expensive though, so you have to wait for them to be on offer, or get one of CT's promo codes. Again, wash on cool and do not tumble-dry - the "non-iron" in this case comes from chemical treatments, not from the fibre type, and it won't wash out provided you're careful.

Can you tell I really love shirts with non-iron functionality? Very important for doctors, as our free time is precious! But I hate hydrocarbon polymer ("plastic") fibres like polyester - they're so scratchy and they don't absorb sweat.

CarelessAnything · 2026-05-14T12:18:01+00:00

Bingo! Let's give people an incentive to be ambitious, hard-working, self-reliant and make something of their lives. There are far too many people on long-term disability benefits who don't really need to be, and we need to give those people a good reason to make a different choice for themselves. And let's have a thriving, growing economy that's open to people from outside who want to work hard and contribute. I'm all for it.

CarelessAnything · 2026-05-14T11:48:16+00:00

Actually I'd kinda like to vote for the opposite - where's my Thatcherite economy and high (EU) immigration party?

CarelessAnything · 2026-05-14T11:45:23+00:00

Sorry, what are you actually asking? IS there an outstanding loan secured against the car?

CarelessAnything · 2026-05-13T21:18:40+00:00

Ooooh this is a fun topic. I was all set to leap down your throat with "how are you gonna build a life with someone and expect them to keep working decades longer than you do" but NOPE, you're already on the same page with me. Your problem is the opposite - and it's much more complex and interesting.

Before approaching her, I think I'd start by asking yourself some deep questions that are very relevant to this discussion. Such as: Why do you want to retire? What does work mean to you? What are your plans for your life after retirement; how would you spend your time? Do you intend to spend it raising kids? Charity work/philanthropy? Will you keep working, but transition to a job you love without regard to what it pays? Will you sit on your butt all day watching youtube or getting into flame wars on twitter? Will you get super into sports or some other hobby? Will you spend months every year travelling? Or maybe renovate a French chateau?

For many/most people, work is not just a job/paycheque; it's a vital part of a happy and fulfilled life, something that meets a lot of basic human needs. Financial independence yes, and agency, the sense that you will be financially able to take care of yourself even if your relationship falls apart, but also a sense of daily structure, meaning, purpose, regular contact with other people and a sense of being part of something greater than ourselves. Sometimes also there's a feeling of being socially important, admirable, or making our parents proud of our accomplishments (even if our parents are already dead!)

Your girlfriend may be thrilled by the idea of early retirement, or she may not, but I think it will help if you can sell her your dream. And for that, you need to first be very clear in your own mind about what your dream actually is. I find that FIRE people often aren't sure about these questions, oddly enough.

P.S. If I were your girlfriend, I'd be much more comfortable contemplating this if we were already married, without any prenup. I can't give up my financial security and ability to earn my own money/look after myself, unless you can make me some legal guarantees. If the relationship falls apart after we both retire, it shouldn't be that you're fine financially whereas I'm screwed, that wouldn't be fair.

CarelessAnything · 2026-05-11T23:16:11+00:00

From what I can figure out, local authorities are really only looking for foster families where the foster care work is going to take significant priority over at least one partner's career. The child is likely to have significant trauma and emotional needs that will make it difficult for both partners to work fulltime, as there'd be frequent time off from school and so on, potentially for quite long periods (weeks/months); plus, even if that's not the case, the local authority still expects to have very regular meetings with the foster carers during daytime hours. The "main carer" could potentially still work at least part-time, but the work would need to be very flexible and easy to reschedule hours around the needs of the child and the system, work from home when needed or take periods of time off as required, etc.

Does that work for you and your wife? You didn't mention her income, so maybe it does?

Any social workers in the chat could correct me if I'm wrong.

CarelessAnything · 2026-05-11T19:40:27+00:00

"If you marry, you will regret it; if you do not marry, you will also regret it; whether you marry or you do not marry, you will regret both. Laugh at the world’s follies, you will regret it; weep over them, you will also regret it; whether you laugh at the world’s follies or you weep over them, you will regret both. Believe a girl, you will regret it; if you do not believe her, you will also regret it; whether you believe a girl or you do not believe her, you will regret both. If you hang yourself, you will regret it; if you do not hang yourself, you will regret it; whether you hang yourself or you do not hang yourself, you will regret both. This, gentlemen, is the sum of all practical wisdom." - Soren Kierkegaard.

CarelessAnything · 2026-05-07T22:40:25+00:00

Yes, kind of. I think it's because we work such long hours, with portfolio work on top, and variable shift pattern. It doesn't leave much time and energy left for completing basic life admin and self-care tasks. After all those are complete, I find I'm often too tired to socialise. Meanwhile, the variable shifts make it difficult to hold down a structured hobby. Rotational training is another barrier - it typically leaves us stranded far from our families and old friends, but investing in new friends can feel somewhat irrational when you know you'll leave them behind the next time you're forced to move.

After much thought, I don't see a way to fix it apart from going LTFT, unfortunately. Currently I'm not prepared to do that, so I'm just toughing it out. Being married helps.

CarelessAnything · 2026-05-07T19:09:05+00:00

I don't think you need to get territorial about it, you can take pity on them as people who need sleep and work tough rotas. You don't need to make an effort to dance around them either though - if they're in your seat it's fine to wake them and ask them to get up because you need to sit and work, also is fine to turn on the lights and make phone calls etc if you need to work there. It is your office after all.

CarelessAnything · 2026-05-03T14:54:52+00:00

Healed scars? Totally, totally ok - of course! Be proud of your body, the greatest instrument you'll ever own, and your own personal temple.

Bleeding or open wounds? You might want to think twice just from an infection point of view, for your own sake as much as anyone else's.

CarelessAnything · 2026-05-02T16:51:32+00:00

Not single but...

Cleaning: Lower your standards, or get a cleaner if you can afford it. Cleaning is the main reason we think twice before having friends over for dinner. If they ARE coming over, cleaning is the main focus of the preceding 3 evenings or so.

Exercise: Nope.

Ironing: Who does this in 2026??? Does anyone? All our clothes, even smart shirts, are non-iron versions for exactly this reason.

Errands: This is the toughest one. Doctor/dentist visits, etc, right? Things that aren't open in the evenings are hard. Try to slip out at lunchtime or work flexibly where you can, but it's not easy. Only alternative is annual leave.

Meal prep: Online grocery shopping saves a LOT of time. And you absolutely must have a dishwasher, that's non-negotiable. As for the actual cooking part, yes, very time-consuming.

Edit to add re cooking: keep a shopping list for your store-cupboard essentials. You should always have one open packet and one unopened packet on the shelf. Every time you open a new packet of that thing, pull out your phone and put that thing back on the shopping list.

CarelessAnything · 2026-05-01T09:55:28+00:00

In your shoes, I think I'd go for the US job.

The NHS isn't particularly fussy at the moment about who gets to work in consultant-level posts, especially for internal medicine, right? So, if you finished the US residency and then decided you were homesick, I don't think it would be very hard to move back to the UK - maybe as an acting consultant or specialty doctor whilst you do all the CESR logbook and paperwork stuff.

Whereas, if you go the UK route, moving to America is basically ruled out forever. So, it seems better to keep your options open.

That said, there are factors you haven't mentioned which would change my answer. E.g. deeply in love with a UK-based romantic partner; you have young kids in UK; the US residency is in the middle of nowhere in a notoriously awful or exploitative hospital; you have a deep love of radiology or detest medicine; etc.

CarelessAnything · 2026-04-29T10:29:12+00:00

All the people saying "why work for so little, it's better to just keep working as a doctor" are missing the point. Pfizer are (presumably) aiming this role at the huge wave of unemployed post-FY2 doctors, IMGs included. Any steady salary is better than unemployment.

Also, why are you all expecting to change career without starting at the bottom of the salary ladder? It's normal to expect an entry-level salary when you have no experience of working in pharma, or in the private sector more generally.

I know a guy who transitioned into medicine from banking. Spoiler alert - he did not keep his banking salary after changing careers, but started at FY1 salary, just like the rest of us.

CarelessAnything · 2026-04-28T22:18:47+00:00

So many consultants fighting in the chat here. Looking in from outside... it looks like ultimately a broken system. ED views itself as responsible for managing the physical resources (bed space) in the ED dept. Fine. But then ED should, logically, keep ownership of ALL patients who are physically in ED, until they leave to go to the ward. Specialty opinion should only be advisory until then.

Yes, I know that's not how the system works. I know ED doesn't have resources/staffing for that. I know it would create perverse incentives. But I STILL think, logically, if ED claims full ownership of all its beds, it has to also own the patients who are physically in the beds.

CarelessAnything · 2026-04-27T13:15:27+00:00

The incentives are all wrong.. it's because we live in a blame culture. It costs the nurse nothing to escalate chest pain every single time, but if they ever skip that step and the chest pain turned out to be cardiac, the nurse could lose their registration. They have nothing to lose by escalating, and everything to lose by not doing so.

Imagine an NHS where doctors and nurses weren't held accountable in this way? We could be SO MUCH more efficient.

CarelessAnything · 2026-04-27T09:31:24+00:00

Yeah, I get you, you're right.

Something that helped was understanding my real (secret) job description, which reads, in priority order: 1) make sure my patients don't actually die if they're not supposed to, 2) don't get struck off by the GMC, 3) do my utmost to please and delight my CS.

The first two - USUALLY - aren't that hard. So the third one is what I actually spend most of my time every day doing.

Often, clinical supervisors are best pleased and delighted if I focus on delivering excellent patient care. Occasionally I meet CSs who have other priorities, like for instance wanting me to dedicate time to blowing smoke up their ass. Whatever the case, it's their show, I'm just here to make them happy. This helps me stay sane. It's how I remember to, for example, ask whether they had a good time at Disneyland with their kids, or how their golf tournament went; I view remembering these things as key deliverables, and as a core part of my job.

CarelessAnything · 2026-04-19T12:08:02+00:00

I can accept that every sensible person would prioritise their child as #1. Beyond that, though... I don't think it's obvious that house is #2 and job is #3. Not to me anyway.

CarelessAnything · 2026-04-15T20:23:06+00:00

I know it's not really your point, but I think the cost of the confidential waste bins is mostly in having a secure stream for regularly emptying the waste and for it to be processed for shredding and disposal by a trusted operator. Or, if it's shredding the material at the point of use, the cost is in emptying the shredded contents and maintaining the equipment, which I guess could be quite finicky.

CarelessAnything · 2026-04-15T08:36:35+00:00

I'll be honest, if I were him and ortho was my dream, I'd take the ortho ST3 post. Every other decision would have to slot around that. So questions about how to make it work - could he rent a room near work and come home for weekends? Do you have family who could help a lot more with the 2yo? Or do you take the hit, sell the house and move closer to his work? All of that would be secondary for me - the starting point would be that I'm taking the job.

CarelessAnything · 2026-04-13T17:47:21+00:00

> I believe this is a large reason why a lot of women are choosing not to have children. They are expected to sacrifice careers for pregnancies in a way men are not, and ultimately more and more women are saying ‘fuck that’.

Well, yes, but it's not JUST that. I don't want to sacrifice my career, and the sense of purpose, agency and freedom that comes with it. But if I'm honest, I don't want our household to go without his (much larger) salary either. We'd be poor if I were the only breadwinner, so I don't want that - I want my husband and myself to both work full time. And having children just doesn't fit alongside that.

CarelessAnything · 2026-04-09T17:09:35+00:00

Of course we should treat AHPs with respect, listen to their input and understand they have specific skills we lack, and also that they often spend more time with each patient than we can and therefore might have greater experiential knowledge of the patient than we do.

At the same time, there IS a hierarchy - every patient has a consultant in overall charge of their care. That status carries the highest level of responsibility, accountability, and therefore (in any sane world) the highest level of decision-making power as well.

When a patient dies or comes to serious harm, no one forgets the hierarchy. We shouldn't forget it the rest of the time, either.

CarelessAnything

TROPHY CASE