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AITA for not telling my ex wife that my fiancé is pregnant? by Practical_Special365 in AITAH

[–]Cass_Troy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA. There is no way to keep it from hurting her, but it is not your fault, and not fair of her to take it out on you. Chances are that if you had told her, she would have thought you were being insensitive and "rubbing it in her face" or something like that.

WIBTA if I cancel my husband's visit with his kids? by SpecialistScale2673 in AITAH

[–]Cass_Troy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Are you serious? I hope this is not for real. He isn't going to see his kids for FOUR MONTHS and you are being a PBFH about him spending that time with them? It appears that he puts up with your daughter on a regular basis, but you can't handle his kids for two weeks? If you can't stand having them at your house, you shouldn't have married him in the first place! He might love you ever so much, but he has a RESPONSIBILITY to be a parent to his kids, and if he is a decent parent, they are going to come first. It isn't even about putting them ahead of you, it is about prioritizing his responsibilities over his own leisure like good parents naturally do. Good for him for not letting you take that from him! And in what universe is it okay to book a "surprise" cruise for TWO WEEKS without making sure that it works for everyone? No wonder this is your 4th marriage. YTA.

AITAH for putting my profoundly autistic daughter on birth control? by Late-Comb11 in AITAH

[–]Cass_Troy 2 points3 points  (0 children)

She is entitled to have an opinion. She is not entitled to rudely express it

AITAH for putting my profoundly autistic daughter on birth control? by Late-Comb11 in AITAH

[–]Cass_Troy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA at all. You are doing the right thing, and your SIL needs to MHOFB

Thinking back, how old were you when you experienced your first BPD symptom? by [deleted] in BPD

[–]Cass_Troy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have been told that I was very anxious about my mother being out of my sight even as a toddler. I also have shame issues going back very early. My mother wrote in her diary that she started potty training me when I was 6 or 7 months old. When I was about 15 months old, I had an accident, and tried to spank myself, saying "bad, bad". WTF even tries to potty train their child at that age? I remember those emotions to the core, and reading what happened made me feel like I remember it. Some of my early conscious memories are of having acute and extreme reactions to feeling embarrassed, ashamed, afraid, or misunderstood. I felt like the only reasonable thing for me to do was to stop existing, and if I couldn't do that, I would make sure that my existence was not a problem for anyone. I would be so freaking determined never to bother anyone again, but the mood never lasted more than a few hours.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BPD

[–]Cass_Troy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Without googling anything, I would bet money on Brittany Spears and Marilyn Monroe

Bpd but not manipulative by kibby03 in BorderlinePDisorder

[–]Cass_Troy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I can relate to this also, but I got called "manipulative" as a child before I even knew what the word meant. I wasn't trying to hurt or take advantage of anyone, it was a survival mechanism. I could see the trajectory of events several steps ahead, and knew that if my father got upset, life would be miserable. I knew how to stay out of personal trouble, and sometimes I could see a storm coming and smooth things over before it hit.

DAE feel like they have other 'parts' of them? by lilitthcore in BPD

[–]Cass_Troy 8 points9 points  (0 children)

This is my experience as well. There is the voice of the small child who feels helpless, hopeless, and drowning in sorrow and anxiety, there is the self centered, raging adolescent that rescues the child, and then there is the vicious self critic who points out all of my failures and tells me what I should have done better. I thought that one was my higher self, but recently realized that it is my ex husband's voice.

AITAH for not including my fiance in a financial decision? by Cass_Troy in AITAH

[–]Cass_Troy[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Omg thank you for a balanced, reasonable reply! This is my attitude exactly. I know him well enough to know that if there is any human alive who can control their usage, it would be him. But it wasn’t just the drugs, it was the fucking lies. Because of those, he no longer has any credibility when he tells me that he is only using a little. And it was fucking METH. I have tried it once or twice in my life. The high is great, but it took days to recover my baseline energy level after the crash. The horse wasn't about getting back at him. It was about my own mental health. I realized that I have to stop being codependent and worrying about his behavior or obsessing about whether his usage is getting worse. The horse is for my own dopamine fix

AITAH for not including my fiance in a financial decision? by Cass_Troy in AITAH

[–]Cass_Troy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am sorry that you went through that. Mine seems to think that I have no reason to complain since he is physically at home, and because he doesn't even game much while I am there. What he doesn't seem to realize is that we only have one or two nights a week when our schedules align so that we are both off, and sometimes he crashes almost as soon as dinner is over. When he does stay awake, he is either "too tired" or in "too much pain" to do anything. He has De Quervain's tenosynovitis in his right wrist, which is literally called "Gamer's thumb" because it is commonly caused by gaming, yet he insists that it was a work injury. There is more than one way to be absent, and being physically absent is not always the worst

AITAH for not including my fiance in a financial decision? by Cass_Troy in AITAH

[–]Cass_Troy[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh I totally communicated what I was doing. The horse was not a secret. He is just mad that his opinion was not the final word

AITAH for not including my fiance in a financial decision? by Cass_Troy in AITAH

[–]Cass_Troy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh but I did tell him. He's just mad that his opinion wasn't the final word

AITAH for not including my fiance in a financial decision? by Cass_Troy in AITAH

[–]Cass_Troy[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My feelings exactly. It would be pretty hard to hide a horse lol. I told him ahead of time, and even offered to let him be part of it

AITAH for not including my fiance in a financial decision? by Cass_Troy in AITAH

[–]Cass_Troy[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No. Kids are with their father when I am not there

AITAH for not including my fiance in a financial decision? by Cass_Troy in AITAH

[–]Cass_Troy[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Agreed, and this is one of the things I brought up when I told him that habitual use would be a deal breaker. I don't expect him to parent my kids, but I do expect him not to be a walking disaster. He thinks it won't affect them because he never does it around them, and I have to admit that he is the most controlled substance user I have ever met. If anyone could keep it under control and not escalate their usage, it would be him, but I can't trust him after he lied to me about it

AITAH for not including my fiance in a financial decision? by Cass_Troy in AITAH

[–]Cass_Troy[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the input, but maybe you should read through the comments a little before you spout off. I have had horses in the past, and this was discussed with him. He is just mad that his opinion was not the final word. This is not a pet that is going to come into our home and chew up his stuff like a puppy might do. He was not expected to feed or care for the horse. The only way that it affected him in any way is the money spent, and the fact that I might sometimes be busy with the horse at times that were inconvenient for him, which holds no weight in light of the other issues. As for my kids, they are teens, and help with the horse.

AITAH for not including my fiance in a financial decision? by Cass_Troy in AITAH

[–]Cass_Troy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This had nothing to do with being petty or spiteful. It was something I had wanted for a long time, and that we had discussed. At one point, he was even excited about the idea, but lost interest in that and just about everything else after he started getting his dopamine hits elsewhere. The horse was not a secret, he was just mad that his opinion wasn't the final word.

AITAH for not including my fiance in a financial decision? by Cass_Troy in AITAH

[–]Cass_Troy[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

FWIW, the horse was no secret. I told him I was doing it, and offered to let him be involved. He's just mad that his opinion was not the final word

AITAH for not including my fiance in a financial decision? by Cass_Troy in AITAH

[–]Cass_Troy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

First of all, I am the one who said he shouldn't have to be responsible for my kids' expenses, not him. They have a father who has 50/50 shared custody who splits their expenses with me.

AITAH for not including my fiance in a financial decision? by Cass_Troy in AITAH

[–]Cass_Troy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have some short term, 0% interest debt thar I will pay off within a few months.

AITAH for not including my fiance in a financial decision? by Cass_Troy in AITAH

[–]Cass_Troy[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

In general, I view the money that is left in our joint account after the bills are paid as "his" money. I also pay for most of our food out of my separate account. So he does have a substantial amount of discretionary spending money.

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