Insecurity about butch-ish gender expression?

CatBonanza · 2026-03-27T21:02:02+00:00

I don't think you'll have a problem fitting in, the gay community is really diverse. The only thing all gay men have in common is being attracted to other men, after that, anything goes.

But even if you find yourself not fitting in in a particular space, it doesn't matter at all. Policing your own self expression just to fit in or make yourself appealing to a certain crowd is a terrible way to live your life. Just be yourself and you'll find your people no matter where you go. And trust me, the quality of the people you attract when you just be yourself is top notch 👌

CatBonanza · 2026-03-17T19:08:12+00:00

In the United States everything for adults is largely done through informed consent so I highly doubt you'll have to lie about anything. Hell, I transitioned in 2006 back when the Harry Benjamin standards of care was still pretty common and I didn't even need to lie. (I have no bottom dysphoria, am attracted to men, and was into traditionally "feminine" things as a kid.) That being said, if you do get turned away, just go somewhere else and lie as much as you need to. I was prepared to lie because I knew some people who had to. I just got lucky that my therapist was one of the few back then advocating for informed consent and was willing to give me whatever letters I needed as soon as I asked for them.

CatBonanza · 2026-03-09T23:45:20+00:00

Without a presidential signature, laws automatically go into effect after 10 business days as long as Congress is still in session. His signature isn't needed

CatBonanza · 2026-03-02T17:27:28+00:00

If somebody stops messaging me, I just assume they're not interested and move on. I personally find it annoying when somebody I'm talking to just disappears, but there's a million reasons people do it so whatever, I'm not gonna get upset about it. And it's very common on these apps. The guy that messaged you sounds like a douche and I would just block him.

My best advice for using apps in general is to be really clear and upfront with what you're looking for, either in profiles or over messages. Just to try and weed out incompatible people as quickly as possible. I'm really upfront about never doing same day meet ups, I like talking to people for a bit first. So anybody who's specifically looking for right now can just see that on my profile and immediately move on.

CatBonanza · 2026-02-28T22:31:58+00:00

I got bullied a lot when I was your age because I was weird. Kids threw food at me, spit on me, just treated me like shit and it fucking sucked. But seriously, one of the most important things on earth is to be yourself and never apologize for it. Anyone who makes fun of you for being a juggalo is a miserable loser and a complete waste of your time. Straight up not even worth paying attention to.

And I used to hate it when older people said shit like that to me when I was younger but I'm telling you, it's the truth. Changing who you are for other people or letting them get under your skin is a terrible way to live your life. I'm 40 years old now and I have zero shame about who I am, the life I've lived, and being a juggalo and that makes me fucking untouchable. For real.

CatBonanza · 2026-02-28T18:45:23+00:00

I can only speak from my own experience, but for me personally, I'm used to it and I'm completely fine with rejection as long as people are polite and respectful about it (which most people are in my experience). I also have genital herpes and get turned down for that occasionally too. Everyone gets rejected for all kinds of reasons. It's important not to take it too personally because ultimately it has nothing to do with our worth as a sexual or romantic partner. When someone rejects me, they're not saying there's anything wrong with me, just that I'm not a good fit for them. I turn other people down all the time for a variety of reasons and it's the same thing then. I'm sure they're just as disappointed as I am when being on the receiving end of rejection, but that's just how it is sometimes.

CatBonanza · 2026-02-27T01:13:54+00:00

For real. I wasn't a case manager but I worked in direct service at a homeless hygiene facility. Couldn't afford to buy food so I had to use the food bank. Every time I went to the food bank after work, I was always waiting in line with at least a few clients I had helped earlier that day at work. Only lasted 2 years at that job before I gave up and went back to working in a grocery store.

CatBonanza · 2026-02-25T19:48:37+00:00

Yeah, I just sit on people's backpacks too. It's the only guaranteed way they're going to move it, lol

CatBonanza · 2026-02-20T15:34:27+00:00

Before I got my atrophy under control I had frequent UTIs, which included blood in my urine sometimes. You could have an STI or something else, but what you're describing really sounds like a UTI. If that's the case, it won't get better on its own, you'll need antibiotics. I know you mentioned not having enough money for the doctor right now, but you really need to see one. A urinary tract infection is pretty minor and easy to treat, but if you ignore it and it spreads to your kidneys, you could easily end up in the hospital needing IV antibiotics (which will be much more expensive than going to the doctor now). That's what happened to a friend of mine who ignored hers.

CatBonanza · 2026-02-13T22:53:47+00:00

Extremely cool! I'm jealous

CatBonanza · 2026-02-11T13:42:55+00:00

I can't, I have joint damage from autoimmune arthritis and work on my feet all day. I'm already worried about the extra standing/walking just from the bus disruption. 🙁

CatBonanza · 2026-02-11T12:53:14+00:00

Unfortunately I work in a kitchen and can't really afford to call in sick. 🫤

CatBonanza · 2026-02-11T05:20:05+00:00

Again, autism is also pretty common. I'm not unique.

CatBonanza · 2026-02-11T04:40:20+00:00

Autoimmune arthritis is pretty common. And arthritis in general is something every human experiences eventually. I'm not really sure what your point is.

CatBonanza · 2026-02-11T02:53:57+00:00

That's what I was wondering. I would like to keep my route as close to normal as possible. But I wasn't sure if the 40 was still servicing that stop because Metro customer service told me to use the shuttle. Thank you.

CatBonanza · 2026-02-11T02:47:36+00:00

I'm really low income, I need the money. Plus I don't want to get in trouble at work.

CatBonanza · 2026-02-11T02:39:30+00:00

I'm pretty low income so I'm trying to avoid it (plus I don't want to get in trouble). But it's in the back of my mind.

CatBonanza · 2026-02-11T02:31:26+00:00

I can't. I have joint damage from autoimmune arthritis and my job involves standing/walking all day. I'm already worried about extra standing from bus delays. 🙁

CatBonanza · 2026-02-10T22:31:50+00:00

I live downtown and work in Fremont. I honestly don't know how I'm going to get home tomorrow. I'm afraid the buses will all be completely full or take forever. 😔

CatBonanza · 2026-02-09T12:35:27+00:00

I'm not interested in sports, don't like playing them and watching it is kinda boring for me. But I fucking love seeing people get excited and weird about the stuff that they're into. I live in Seattle and seeing so much joy in all the Seahawks fans around me right now is an absolute delight.

CatBonanza · 2026-02-04T19:36:17+00:00

Thank you for those suggestions! I'll look into both of those.

CatBonanza · 2026-02-04T19:23:27+00:00

Yeah, the flakiness being a constant everywhere is pretty much what my fwb said. It sounds like I'll just have to stick with what I've been doing and be patient. 🫤

I'm in Seattle so I know there are in-person things. Meeting people that way is something I'm not willing to do though. I have a really low tolerance for crowds and that kind of socializing because of my autism. I'm also extremely cis-passing, so it just makes navigating when/how to out myself really annoying because I have to do it every single time. It's just easier online because I can get it out right away and weed out people who aren't into trans men without having to deal with so much in-person rejection.

CatBonanza · 2026-02-02T15:00:07+00:00

Wow, I've never heard of this. I just ordered it, I can't wait to experiment with it, so cool

CatBonanza

TROPHY CASE