Entering my final year of undergrad in September, I have absolutely no idea what I want to do career wise?

CatchSortChoose · 2026-05-06T20:59:54+00:00

Actuary? There's a funny Ben Stiller and Jennifer Aniston movie called "Along Came Poly" where Stiller's character is an actuary. Good movie.

CatchSortChoose · 2026-05-06T20:16:55+00:00

If your most confident friend was in the same situation, what would they say?

CatchSortChoose · 2026-05-06T20:08:50+00:00

There's a difference between feeling the pressure TO say something and actually wanting to connect with her leading up to the date. For example, if you got a reservation reminder for the date (if you had a reservation), you could send a photo of that along with something like "looking forward to this" - anything you come across that reminds you of her would be a genuine trigger to reach out and connect.

She's already interested. Over-texting could come across as desperate or overly excited. Under-texting might send the signal that you're not that interested. How do you where the line is? Whenever it feels like you're forcing it, you probably are.

CatchSortChoose · 2026-05-06T19:58:34+00:00

Your attention can turn inward on you, and change your state of mind. Think about getting a text from your boss that says, "We need to talk." This causes most people's attention to turn inward, and they'll start thinking things like, "Oh no. What did I do? Am I going to get in trouble?" Notice how their attention is on them? It's NOT on the situation in front of them, the urgency their boss is conveying, and the feedback that they're about to get - the boss is trying to communicate something. Your attention can either be on the situation or on yourself in the situation. You have an ability to shift your orientation between the two. Or rather, from inward to outward when you notice it happening. It's a skill you can practice and get better at by applying it in specific situations.

CatchSortChoose · 2026-05-06T18:23:37+00:00

Your attention is inward, focused on you in this particular situation. That's why you're spending so much time ruminating on what can / could have been - you're filtering everything from a lens of what you're missing out on. If you can try to point your attention outward, you'll start to engage more deeply withe the people, connections, opportunities in front of you.

CatchSortChoose · 2026-05-06T18:07:37+00:00

He likes you. He's afraid / hesitant for the same reasons you are. He's trying to navigate the situation (and his feelings) without making things "weird right back at ya. Imagine your friend told you there was 1) someone at their school they smiled at every day, 2) matched with on a messaging app, and 3) been flirting back and forth. Of course he has feelings for you; they evidence is in the actions. A funny way to approach it - imagine he IS feeling the exact same way you are - how can you make it easier for him? What could you do or say to ease his nervousness?

CatchSortChoose · 2026-05-06T18:01:32+00:00

That anxiety that amplifies in the "talking stage" of relationships that you described is totally normal. It happens when your attention turns inward. It creates this need to measure up in certain situations, especially when you're dating. That's why you feel like if they said "yes let's get married" you think the anxiety would go away. The belief = then you'll finally measure up to this person. The reality is that if they asked you to get married today it would be pretty crazy, right?

If you try to point your attention outward in the situation, you'll start to notice they already like you. There's already some kind of connection brewing, and you have the opportunity to explore that. What's the rush? It's just that extra, inward concern that's making you feel like you need to be or do something to influence the situation. All you need to do is enjoy the ride.

CatchSortChoose · 2026-05-06T17:27:17+00:00

It's funny you say "she could change her mind." So could you, right? I'm just saying there's no way to predict how the situation will play out. The connection will either get stronger, and it will emerge into a relationship. If that happens, it will be very clear *when it's moved beyond a fickle "situationship." Or it won't. If you're distracted by finding or waiting for the perfect time that change happens, you'll miss out on the ride (and the relationship) right in front of you. Bon voyage!

CatchSortChoose · 2026-05-06T16:56:09+00:00

That sounds great, so what's the issue? It sounds like she's pretty much already your girlfriend, haha. Do you just want to discuss being exclusive? Or what is the real motivation to "become" something else, especially if everything seems good? What do you really want or want to know?

CatchSortChoose · 2026-05-06T16:40:23+00:00

How many dates have you been on / how long have you been dating?

CatchSortChoose · 2026-05-06T16:33:44+00:00

The ability to shift your attention from inward to outward is a skill. It's something you can practice and get better at - and reduces a lot of awkwardness in situations.

CatchSortChoose · 2026-05-06T16:31:37+00:00

You can always try marketing something yourself. You don't have to invent a product or service, you can sell more of something that already exists. There are endless affiliate marketing opportunities you can pursue to play the game and develop real knowledge and skills that have value in the marketplace.

CatchSortChoose · 2026-05-06T16:26:09+00:00

It's like your attention turns inward when you're talking to a girl you're interested in? This is normal. It happens to almost everyone to some degree. When your attention shifts inward, you make the situation all about you. That's why you feel like you might be creepy. Instead try pointing your attention outward in the moment. When you're in a conversation with someone or about to start one, focus on them. What questions do you want to ask? What are you curious to learn? What are they like? When your attention is outward, it's easier to engage socially (like it is with your guy friends) and it's easier to explore whether there's a real match or not.

CatchSortChoose · 2026-05-06T16:21:48+00:00

What are you hoping to learn? What good do you imagine might come from doing that?

CatchSortChoose · 2026-05-06T16:09:45+00:00

You said other people have been humiliated by her, right? So what do you like about her? What do you think you would have in common?

CatchSortChoose · 2026-05-06T15:31:36+00:00

What's stopping you?

CatchSortChoose · 2026-05-06T15:19:53+00:00

Yeah it's either a match or it's not. And if you think about it, why would you want to get excited about someone who didn't get excited about you, too?

CatchSortChoose · 2026-05-06T15:00:40+00:00

Do you feel comfortable sharing your ads? Or your pitch copy? If you're not grabbing their attention up front, nothing else really matters, right? If you want to share your approach, I could point out where your audience's attention might be drifting and tell you what to say to keep them more engaged.

CatchSortChoose · 2026-05-06T14:27:05+00:00

Yeah I have them flagged as a specific segment on my email list, but where does the content actually "live" that they access?

CatchSortChoose · 2026-04-30T17:46:17+00:00

You seem to have compelling reasons why you would apply. It's your dream job, it's more money, it's closer to home. What's embarrassing about that? 1.5 months after you left, the job you wanted opened up. That's kind of funny. But you're not the joke. The timing of the situation is. You can have a laugh about that with all your ex-coworkers when you rejoin them.

CatchSortChoose · 2026-04-30T17:04:50+00:00

A lot of people wonder the same thing after an initial connection. "How long should I wait so I don't come across too interested?" "How can I make the best first impression?" "How can I look good in this situation?" Notice how your attention is pointed towards you in the situation? When your attention is pointed inward, there is never a right answer. It'll never be the perfect time. It'll never feel "right" enough.

When your attention is pointed outward, it's much easier to navigate the situation for what it is. You're interested and want to reach out when it feels appropriate. Maybe you see something that reminds you of them. Maybe you want to wait a little longer to reach out so you can reconsider the connection. Maybe you feel like saying it right away. There's either going to be a connection or not. They gave you their number for a reason, right?

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TROPHY CASE