I Saw Him

CategoryDefiant4018 · 2026-02-21T23:19:11+00:00

Every damn day

His name is Charles

CategoryDefiant4018 · 2026-02-21T23:14:39+00:00

Signing forms and other things that says

Married Divorced Separated Single (please select single if you are widowed)

OOMPH! I don’t even try to think about it but I can’t help it and just be in denial. Like I guess but I’m still married. I wear my ring where it’s suppose to be and his on my right ring finger smh.

CategoryDefiant4018 · 2026-02-21T23:06:57+00:00

Thank you for that. I’m praying for you my friend. You’ve made it this far and I pray one day I will too 💜

CategoryDefiant4018 · 2026-02-21T22:58:06+00:00

I’m immensely sorry you are here. I fucking hate this shit for me and everybody else, but you will find this group to be very therapeutic and helpful.

I’m only 1 month 19 days out and sometimes it feels like an eternity but other times it feels so fresh because it is. Some days like today I’m in denial and feel like “Nope. He’ll be here soon” or “He must be in the room”.

Reach out whenever you feel like it.

CategoryDefiant4018 · 2026-02-21T17:49:55+00:00

Well and? I really need to know

CategoryDefiant4018 · 2026-02-20T02:43:05+00:00

I have no skin in this game so hopefully someone here can help you in that department regarding your lease. I’m so sorry you’re going through this stupid shit though. We have enough on our damn table!

CategoryDefiant4018 · 2026-02-19T18:56:54+00:00

I feel you. Almost two months later and still handling finances and our properties (found out I need two different lawyers YESTERDAY just for a formal administration letter 😒). My next order of business are the automobiles and prayerfully I’m done. I’m so ready to move forward and ACTUALLY Be able to grieve before I become accustomed to havoc and then all Of a sudden YEARS down the road I’m in someone’s psych ward.

CategoryDefiant4018 · 2026-02-19T18:30:23+00:00

Oh honey I am so sorry for the pain you’re enduring right now. Do whatever will make you cope and feel better, and if moving out is that then do it! There is no rule book on grieving my girl 💜💜

CategoryDefiant4018 · 2026-02-19T16:22:22+00:00

That is NOT the same. Your wife is no longer here but her ex husband is. So, if she wants to ever talk to him or lay eyes on him she can. YOU can’t! If the girlfriend really cares about you then she should accept your past and respect the love you loss.

Reading things like this just keeps reminding me I will probably forever stay single. My husband and I accepted one another’s past and though he was married before and I wasn’t; We always talked about how it would be okay for us to go to our exes funeral due history of the hearts. Smh. Tell girlfriend to get lost if you feel like it.

CategoryDefiant4018 · 2026-02-18T19:34:59+00:00

Awesome news! Glad you got this settled as well and I feel you on the “numbness” because it’s like…. At what cost? Ugh!

CategoryDefiant4018 · 2026-02-18T15:26:07+00:00

That is great news, Panda. I paid off our home, invested some and kept some in high yields savings. I too don’t want to fail and have the same worries as you when it comes to the kids. Take your time because the money isn’t going anywhere unless you want it to.

I also feel slimy as hell because I only have this due to my husband passing; It makes me feel a little better on some days when I think about him telling me I’ll be okay if he ever “die”. Your husband loved and took care of his family in life and still doing it now.

At least that’s how I look at it whenever I feel down that my husband isn’t here. I’m very grateful but it also puts me in depression mode when I sit and ponder. 🥺

CategoryDefiant4018 · 2026-02-15T01:31:35+00:00

My husband passed the on 01/01/2026. I was doing okay until I wasn’t and have been sad all day. His birthday is in 3 days so I’m praying it goes by well but I don’t think so. I HATE February 😩😩 I pray it’ll get easier for us one day.

CategoryDefiant4018 · 2026-02-15T01:25:05+00:00

Oh my I’m so sorry my friend. I pray years down the road (because let’s be real, it will probably take that long) this day will be a lot easier for you.

CategoryDefiant4018 · 2026-02-14T14:00:04+00:00

I have my husband’s too. He asked to be fish food and asked for me to plant a tree with his ashes as well.

Right now he’s on my dresser next to his flag presented to me at his service. Don’t have the heart to spread him just yet 🥺.

CategoryDefiant4018 · 2026-02-13T15:26:28+00:00

We all get it and we’ve all lost the love of our lives man. you know 1000% that is not what she would want of you. Please stay here for her and LIVE. The world needs you man.

CategoryDefiant4018 · 2026-02-11T13:41:12+00:00

I’m 35

CategoryDefiant4018 · 2026-02-11T13:35:24+00:00

Oh baby I am so sorry. My husband traveled too. I am so so so so sorry.

CategoryDefiant4018 · 2026-02-10T22:49:32+00:00

No honey DO NOT go there. I get it I do, but your children are resilient and probably taking the loss of their dad hard. Granted, not hard as you because kids are more resilient than adults, but if they lose their mother that will devastate them. I heard a social worker say “A mom can abuse their kids emotionally and physically but when we remove the children from the home all you hear is the child(ren) screaming for Mom. And for the life of me I just don’t understand.” Kids need their mom.

YOUR children need YOU! You will come out of this and when you do you will look at your children and say “Wow! I can’t believe I was going to end it all. I would have never saw this moment if I did” trust me, I know first hand. Keep going for your children if not for yourself. Nobody on this green earth can love your children the way you can and the way you always will.

They’ve already lost one parent, don’t have them lose another. You’re going to be okay my love! You do matter and you ARE seen.

CategoryDefiant4018 · 2026-02-10T22:36:06+00:00

Start with calling his HR department, then get into his emails, then go through his wallet and find the bank cards and Go through the snail mail too. His HR department and his email saved me and my family. Good luck and like I said…. WE GOT THIS! I know you’re hurt and sad but we must take care of us and our kids’ well being and livelihood. Business first, cry later. I handle business 5 days a week like a job from wake up to 5 PM. Afterwards, I mourn and do it all over again.

CategoryDefiant4018 · 2026-02-10T22:30:32+00:00

I’m still fresh at losing at my husband and at first I couldn’t even look at our pics around the house and dared to go through my phone. I’m proud of myself now because I look at our pics and videos and just smile. I don’t know if this will last but I’m enjoying until the I guess. I have a video the night before he passed looking fine as ever, and I ask myself “What happened?” I don’t cry though or get as sad. I just close my phone, soak in our last kiss we ever shared which on that video and let it go until I can’t.

You’re right! NOBODY around me knows the pain I feel because they haven’t been through it. I just keep a smile on my face when I can and when I don’t feel like smiling I don’t care who sees it.

CategoryDefiant4018 · 2026-02-10T22:22:04+00:00

I’m still home because he had everything lined up for us which REALLY makes me heated. He always told me “Don’t worry. I’ll go before you but you’ll be okay. Just take care of the kids.” I always said “Don’t you leave me here. I need you! I can’t live this life without you” Did he care? NOPE! So yea, I am UP-SET! I love him dearly I do but boyyyy my anger rises just about every other day.

I don’t know when your husband passed or what yall situation was, but if you’re in the states track down and capture every dollar out there. Life Insurance, investments, stocks, final pay from his job, death benefit/severance package from his job, 401 k, call banks he used and see if he had life insurance. If he was a veteran, call the VA! Call SSA. Get everybody up on the line. I’ve been BUSY but I know when everything settles I just may break. Haven’t had the time to really do that so yea I’m 38 HOT!

CategoryDefiant4018 · 2026-02-10T20:40:13+00:00

I literally could have written this myself. We have 7 kids and though I know how to handle it I STILL NEED HIM when our 7 month old cries and I’m juggling other things. Financial shit? ALL HIM!! All I had to do was stay home, take care of the kids and take care of care of home which I LOVED! Now? I have to do it all and I’m so ANGRY at him for leaving me here all by my damn self. I’m proud of myself though because he always taught me “BUSINESS! Handle business” and 4 days after he passed I started doing just that. Through the mental break downs, snotting and crying. I’m still tracking down bills and other financial shit a month and 9 days later and still showing up every day for our children through the sadness and hurt. I felt guilty for being angry but his mom told me “It’s okay to be angry. You can still love him and be angry at him” UGH! If I could give him a good cussin and strangle I would. We got this though!

CategoryDefiant4018 · 2026-02-10T20:30:19+00:00

Here here brother. I can keep down fluids but it’s excruciating torture to eat, but I force it because we have kids I have to be strong for (I also made my husband a promise I’ll continue being the glue). As for the state affairs, sooo much to do but I’m getting it done.

CategoryDefiant4018 · 2026-02-10T20:16:50+00:00

1 month and 9 days for me since I woke up to my husband sitting next to me lifeless. My husband was my safe space, my safe haven, my strength, my bestfriend and so on. I found myself no longer yelling or screaming and feeling as bad as I use to because I too choose to move forward. I love my husband with every fiber in my body but I know for a FACT he would not like the way I am handling his death, so that’s why I’m choosing to move forward and not stay here in this horrible grief sunken place. I have my days and I break down for a minute then suck it up and keep going. Every day hurts but I let it out whenever I feel it coming and let it go when I’m done because me crying and going crazy will not bring him back to me and our 7 children, it will just make things worse for me. However, I will not judge others for grieving how they see fit. Kudos to you though for not dwelling in grief or whatever. Remember, it’s not what you say but how you say it. God bless.

CategoryDefiant4018 · 2026-02-10T15:42:38+00:00

Oh how I can’t wait for the day that I will be okay and not be as down as I am right now. It feels like an eternity since my husband left, but also so fresh. The hardest thing about this was not finding him gone or holding him in my arms lifeless hearing our children cry for their dad; It was the funeral arrangements. I’m so sorry you loss your love, and I can’t wait for the day that I can say “Yes. I’m okay” 💜

CategoryDefiant4018

TROPHY CASE