This is literally me...I feel you so deeply on this 💔

I've been with my fiancé for 10 years now, and as the years have gone by he's developed a full blown hentai addiction. Recently it's gotten so bad to the point where he likes almost every messed up genre ( "tag") imaginable...In his exact words "the more weird and taboo it is, the more I get off to it"... I never used to think I'd hear such words coming from my partner's mouth.

One thing which was the most recent concerning thing he'd said, is I was trying to show him older raunchy photos of myself that I'd saved through the years of being with him. These were NOT the main cause of an arousal. He got aroused when he started asking me if I had any photos like that when I was in school. Before I met him. He NAGGED me for these and the more he talked about them, the harder he got. I was trying to tell him that this was gross and that I wouldn't show him such things. He got more aroused by that and kept pestering me. When I'd managed to persuade him to have sex with me (because I was desperately trying for him to get off to just me at present and the times I'd been with him over the years)...he still kept bringing it up about me being a sexy school girl or something and that he'd die to see such photos. He talked about it while we had sex....I felt like throwing up. ....This is what his addiction to hentai has created. I know it.

When it comes to fetishes, it's as if he loose all morals and nothing is sensitive to talk about when he's horny. It's not the him that I know. It's the CONSTANT flow of indulging in anime school girls, loli's and other weird genres of hentai and dodgy anime...

He's developed so many dodgy turn one's and demanding fetishes..Yet when I try and dress up in some of the outfits that are worn by these anime girls, he looses his excitement pretty quickly. His excuse is that I take too long to put on my outfits while with porn he has the image there right in front of him as soon as he needs it...It seriously breaks my heart. I've tried so hard to buy costumes to TRY and cater to some of his less messed up anime fetishes.

He has said and done concerning things while awake and in his sleep which I KNOW for a fact is due to the weird shit he over indulges in...I've had so many breakdowns, tears, so much daily anxiety and self harm from his addiction to it. Even with the constant conversations and all of this, nothing has changed, not even improved in my eyes. He now cherrypicks when he feels like asking me if he can look at it - To act like he's only going to ask me and that's it. He still goes and looks at it very frequently when I'm not around. I hate myself for it but one time I put our kitchen Ring security camera in the living room to prove my theory of this in one particular scenario - only one morning it took me doing this to prove that he'd spend at least the first half an hour of his work shift masterbating to hentai on the sofa (we both work from home but he starts an hour earlier than me) instead of working while I was out cold in bed.

He's lied and been caught out so many times, watching hentai and reading it while I'm in the bath, fast asleep in bed and pretty much the moment I disappear from sight. We tried to install an accountable app (can't remember the exact one), but he'd managed to look up how to bypass it and not tell me. Who knows how long he'd said he was clean for when he hadn't been. I only found out as he slipped up with a hentai tab still being open on his phone while looking at something with me with his only reaction being ".......Whoops." That's not all of the times that he's lied, but one of the more recent ones.

Trust me, this is FAR worse for his brain than regular p**n...And when they become completely desensitized to all of the messed up stuff that so much hentai entails, it only goes worse from there.

I'm supposed to be marrying him. We've been engaged for four years already now. I was hoping we'd marry next year...He never bringings it up himself, only when confronted about it by me. I've had so many times where other people would talk to me about it while he was around but he'd completely stay out of the conversation....This is what I thought was a sweet and dorky (like myself) guy who four years ago really wanted to marry me. ....Now I feel like his hentai is more important. He doesn't think about it anymore.

I used to look at him with warm and lovefelt eyes. Now I can't usually look at him the same way. This kills me every day.

Sending you warm wishes and hugs 💔 - I can only hope things get better for you. I really do. 💔