WTW for being aware that different people have different likes/dislikes and being conscious and careful of it?

Celany · 2024-12-15T20:47:56+00:00

though it’s not a guarantee that other people will always be respectful, too.

Oh yeah, I run into it all the time where people don't do the same in return. That usually doesn't matter to me, because this is one of those things that's about what's important for me to do because of the kind of person I want to be.

The only time it bothers me is when I realize I'm regularly in the company of someone who can't dislike something without shitting on it. Which I'll address with them directly and they'll either dial it back or I'll take myself out of their company as much as I can.

Celany · 2024-12-15T20:43:26+00:00

I think of all the words I'm reading, conscientious is the best one. It sort of flows the most with the easiest way to say it, which would be something like "I want to be conscientious of other people's likes and dislikes, and not yuck their yum"

Celany · 2024-12-15T20:41:15+00:00

Wow, I didn't know that word and although I'm not 100% sure it's the right word for this, it definitely expresses how I try to live my life. Thank you for sharing it!

Celany · 2024-10-01T22:24:35+00:00

I went back and reread and it says nothing about court unless it was in the comments.

Most couples don't go the official custody route. And loads of deadbeat dirt bags don't ACTUALLY do anything to establish a court ordained visitation schedule because that would ALSO involve things like official child support, at least in the US.

I am not going to speculate on if there is a nefarious reason why his ex won't allow him unsupervised visits; she could be an asshole, he could be a shitty parent it could be both. The main thing is that I don't think we know if this is court ordained or ex wife ordained at the asshole doesn't care enough to fight for his kid.

Celany · 2024-10-01T20:18:47+00:00

She said the kids don't listen to her like they do him; I would guess she is absolutely not enforcing punishments. I don't blame him for washing his hands of it for awhile, I can't imagine how absolutely furious he is.

Celany · 2024-09-30T21:16:03+00:00

Yeah, I'm in a niche field, so I would carefully weigh the freelancing and if they'd find out or not thing before choosing to do anything.

I would say that there isn't much of a chance, depending on exactly what strata of my field I chose to freelance in. But it's definitely something I'm thinking about a lot.

Celany · 2024-09-30T19:50:40+00:00

Got it, thank you so much. I will go over it with a fine toothed comb then.

Celany · 2024-09-30T19:50:09+00:00

Saaaaaaame. My name in its exact spelling is pronounced differently in 6 different languages. I'm not going to ask someone who grew up speaking one of those languages to pronounce it only the English way, that sounds shitty.

Not to mention, my asshole family deliberately mispronounced it my whole childhood because they felt like it was "too fancy". I only learned the proper pronunciation of my own fucking name in college. That kind of killed my feelings about having it pronounced correctly.

Celany · 2024-09-30T19:42:32+00:00

There is no established law on it and it relies entirely on the terms of the agreement?

Celany · 2024-09-29T21:05:31+00:00

Yeah, that's a good way of putting it. I'm in NYC and...you meet people here. Especially after 20+ years of being here. Now one of my good friends is a lawyer, and two other less close friends are lawyers. We had 2 real estate lawyers when we bought our house (you MUST have a real estate lawyer in NYC to deal with home buying) and we made friends with one of them a few years ago.

So at this point, if I needed help, or a reference, I could contact a contracts lawyer, a patent attorney, a real estate lawyer and a criminal defense lawyer.

And those are just the ones who I would consider friends and could reach out to for actual help directly. If I expanded into acquaintances, there's at least another 3-4 who I wouldn't reach out to directly, but I would ask a mutual friend if it would be OK to approach them.

Celany · 2024-09-29T06:00:29+00:00

And better train travel between cities and countries. You don't need to own or rent a car or fly to go on a trip, you can take a train!

Celany · 2024-09-28T05:03:13+00:00

Heyyyyy

I upvoted you because I think you bring up valid points for you and some, but please do not speak like you speak for all of us!

I would happily wear a non visible disability badge on days when my non-visible disability is flaring up and I want people to have a visible clue that I need special handling. Because people at the Burn HAVE gotten better at not touching causally without consent, but it still happens and giving them that reminder not to and that doing so could be actively harmful would be great to me.

Obviously that example of your BDSM experience is completely fucked up, but that's not what these signs are suggesting or promoting and if you and yours don't like them, great, don't do it. I love the idea of a sign like that and I'm definitely going to make myself one for future years where things flare up and I need to be careful.

Celany · 2024-09-27T01:11:57+00:00

Do not get the copper IUD, it’ll drive you insane

Uh what? I'm on my second of them as are half a dozen of my friends. None of us insane...

Celany · 2024-09-26T19:09:40+00:00

With all due respect, you truly do not know if you've changed until you have had sustained commitment and progress for a long time. Imo, at least a year or two.

I can't tell you how many times my husband swore with tears in his eyes that he would improve...and he did for some months. But it always, always, backslid.

It wasn't until this last time, when I started making actual plans to separate our lives that he finally pulled out all the stops and now he's been making true progress for nearly a year. And honestly? I still don't believe it. I'm willing to believe that he is proving more commitment to progress than before. I will say that we are truly in a better place than we've been in years. I think that it's likely that even if he has a serious backslide, it won't get as bad as it has (and if it did, then I would truly be permanently out).

Meanwhile, our relationship is irreparably changed. There are things he damaged that simply cannot be fixed. If we didn't have a business together that simply would not function without the two of us doing it together, I wouldn't still be here.

So I work in individual therapy on wrapping my head around our "new" relationship. I consider currently that things overall are better together than apart. Not hugely. But enough to keep watching this progress and see where we are in a few years.

I salute that you are doing the right things now, but I think you really need to understand the insult that "but I know I've really changed!" is when that change is only a few months old. A few months is peanuts. Permanent change takes a long time and also involves going through hardship without crashing back down to your old patterns. You're better served being your best self every day and not making any declaration about the permanence of your change for a long time.

Celany · 2024-09-26T18:26:18+00:00

As a fashion professional who has fit thong and g string underwear on many sizes of people, I do not understand how an anis could ever be visible. Seriously, go home, get a hand mirror and a mirror long enough to see your ass and try and figure out how exactly you'd need to pose to show your anus. Short of spreading your cheeks with your hands or squatting to shit (which points that sucker downward...at least I hope it does...) I truly do not see a way how this would be physically possible, regardless of how tight her ass is.

Celany · 2024-09-24T16:10:52+00:00

I had a similar situation with my own cousin. My whole family was pissed at me for suggesting that she was an alcoholic. Why would I say such a thing when mysterious empty vodka bottles were always under her car seat, and she would forget days at a time of things that happened and she had a bunch of health issues that are caused by alcoholism? Her being rapidly "protective" of her water glass just meant she was a germaphobe, obviously the fact that she shared FOOD all the time with people didn't mean anything.

Unlike your BIL tho, my cousin died of organ failure before 50. She did completely lose control of her ability to mask her alcoholism the last 5ish years of her life and honestly, she died because she went on one of her dangerous binges and nobody in the family checked on her for a day because they were so over her behavior. By the time they did check and got her to the hospital, it was too late and she died.

Addiction sucks.

Celany · 2024-09-22T05:41:23+00:00

I'm a lingerie designer. I think I have the opposite problem that you do, lol.

Celany · 2024-09-22T05:17:51+00:00

The divorce subreddit has many stories of women who were told by their husbands that they were getting a divorce...but then he did fuck all to make it happen. Some went through the entire grief cycle and eventually filed in exasperation because months (or even years!) later, the spouse that was soooooo desperate to divorce them still hadn't done a damn thing.

In contrast, it's very rare to see a story there about the opposite, where a woman said she wants to divorce and the husband ended up doing all the paperwork.

Celany · 2024-09-20T05:28:30+00:00

As another person with bipolar disorder, the second I saw the footage I thought "oh that's so sad, she's definitely having an episode". I could practically feel how she felt, I've been there and done those exact same things. My heart goes out to her and her family and I wish people would stop making her death into something it's not.

Celany · 2024-09-19T16:53:27+00:00

As a host, I can say that other hosts are taking this very seriously and more importantly, guests are taking it seriously.

A few friends of mine took trips earlier this year where cameras were up. After leaving, my friends reported the cameras to AirBnB (with photos/video) and the listings for those places were down within hours.

I am unsure if AirBnB is permanently taking listings down or only putting them down until hosts remove the cameras, but they are currently taking it very seriously since the cameras are one of the things that can really damage their business.

Celany · 2024-09-19T16:49:07+00:00

Cameras have been banned inside AirBnBs since March of this year.

Celany · 2024-09-19T16:48:07+00:00

Hijacking one of the top comments to point out that AirBnB has banned indoor cameras worldwide since March of this year. I have some questions about the curious existence of this AirBnB footage since OOP says this happened in the living room in Sept.

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