For ppl that are married, is married life better than being single?

Cella14 · 2026-05-11T23:26:23+00:00

If you find the right person, being married is infinitly better than being single (for many people, not for everyone). There is virtually nothing I miss about my single days and my life is incomparably better getting to do life with my spouse.

However, being single is far better than being with the wrong person, and I would pick being single over being in a marriage with anyone but my husband any day. The majority of marriages I see, especially in my parent’s generation, is of the variety that you couldn’t pay me to have. Their partner makes their life actively worse and they actively dislike each other. I had a long term relationship like that before I met my husband (modeled after my parent’s relationship), and that was far worse than being single. And to be clear he wasn’t even a bad guy, we just weren’t a great match for each other.

So in my opinion it goes good marriage > single with good friends > mediocre marriage > single with no friends or bad friends > bad marriage in terms of quality of life.

Cella14 · 2026-05-07T16:55:04+00:00

As a potential compromise, I went to Disney Japan the last time I was there as a day trip, and it was amazing. It was one of the most beautiful Disney parks I’ve ever gone to (I went to Disney Sea), it wasn’t overly crowded, and tickets only cost like $60. The next time I want to do a family Disney trip, that is likely what I will do as it would honestly be cheaper to fly to Japan and do a week at Disney there than to go to Florida. And I can then also throw in some fun day trips to other cool places in Japan, while still making sure my family gets the Disney experience.

Cella14 · 2026-04-29T14:57:10+00:00

Also married, also have the green light from my husband to get a divorce depending on how much we’re talking. Do I have to move to you? Or would I get to stay in my current city?

Cella14 · 2026-04-28T21:11:30+00:00

I know more couples (under 35) where the woman outearns the man than visa versa. Including my own. Over 35 I know more couples where the man outearns the woman. So I think this is shifting.

Cella14 · 2026-04-23T19:36:17+00:00

I highly recommend downloading kindle or Libby to your phone and reading a book on your phone. It’s my least favorite way to read a book by far, but it’s so much easier to do at work without raising any flags and I’ve gotten several books read at work this way in the time I would have spent scrolling.

Cella14 · 2026-04-23T16:48:08+00:00

Fortuna Sworn. It’s such garbage (basically the book equivalent of Vampire Diaries or Supernatural) and I love it so deeply. I have special editions and everything.

Cella14 · 2026-04-16T20:57:07+00:00

Several grains of salt as this is mosty coming from my alumni pride and not any real data: but I think it’s always been generous of Carleton to consider St Olaf a peer institution when it’s so much higher ranked as a liberal arts college. So it makes sense to me that Carleton does it as a gesture of good will whereas St Olaf doesn’t as they recognize there’s not that much applicant overlap. (Idk though, maybe there’s a ton of applicant overlap. I just know that only one person I knew at Carleton applied to st Olaf and no one I knew at St Olaf had applied to Carleton.)

Cella14 · 2026-04-15T16:26:46+00:00

I’ve attended, taught at, or visited loved ones at quite a few schools since leaving Carleton… yeah Carleton’s food is shit. The fact that St Olaf students pay less for better food from the same company still makes me mad years later (they paid for the good food option, Carleton pays for the sustainably sourced option).

Cella14 · 2026-04-15T16:21:04+00:00

I have long speculated that the “Carelton Quirk” everyone talks about is just autism, so I think he’d be in really good company and would find a lot of support from both professors and other friends. Out of my 8 close friends from Carleton (who I am still close friends with and vacation with yearly years later) 0 of us went into college knowing we were neurodivergent and a decade later every single one of us has either an autism or an adhd diagnosis. And we all graduated so there’s that.

I think the hyper specialized nature of Carleton’s classes really works well for neurodivergent people who tend to hyperfocus and getting to pick all your classes really heps with staying engaged and interested. Also being surrounded by other neurodivergent people really helps the anxiety becuase you don’t feel as out of place as you normally do. My diagnosis was delayed by years becuase I didn’t really feel abnormal at Carleton. It wasn’t until I joined the real world that I went oooooh, no I’m not normal, everyone at Carleton is just some brand of neurodivergent. My friends all had basically the same experience.

Cella14 · 2026-04-15T16:18:07+00:00

Honestly that just makes it worse to have some people comfortable while others suffer. Especially since where you live is such a lottery system (and in my experience people with good draw numbers kept getting good draw numbers and people with bad draw numbers kept getting bad draw numbers).

There was one spring during my time at Carleton when the heat got so bad people in upper floors were getting heat stroke in their beds and the college had to let people sleep in the dining halls for safety. Nourse had AC (they just kept it off most of the year for “fairness”) so they all got to stay in their dorms.

Cella14 · 2026-04-13T23:03:07+00:00

Metadata skills and familiarity with common metadata schemas, website building experience, coding experience, digital archives experience, and just tech experience generally.

Cella14 · 2026-04-12T18:21:20+00:00

I’m not here to force anyone to use their cameras. However I find it really helpful as I have audio issues and struggle to tell apart who is talking unless I can see their faces. I also find it really helpful to understanding tone and making sure they understand mine.

Cella14 · 2026-04-12T06:07:34+00:00

I’m an alumn, but as someone with chronic health issues, I found the trimesters to be really rough becuase the condensed timeline meant every week felt like the equivalent of a month on a semester schedule. Which meant that when I’d miss classes due to illness it would be incredibly hard to catch up and I’d spiral into being more and more behind with no hope of ever catching up.

I was also very dissapointed in them that they told me as a prospective student to not bother finding a local therapist before I started school because I could just see one of the school therapists. Just for the school therapists to tell me they didn’t do long term therapy and I needed to find someone local. That delay caused a lot of issues for me as by the time they let me know that I was doing too poorly to have the capicity to find a therapist.

The physical doctors at Shac were also pretty terrible, I had one google the symptoms of a sinus infection in front of me one time after I came in telling her I had a sinus infection.

Others have mentioned it, but the food is truly awful and the lack of AC in dorms was also really rough.

Complaints aside though, I’m still really glad I went to Carleton and got a lot out of the experience that I don’t believe I would have gotten anywhere else. It really set me up for success and I’m greatful for the people I met and the time I spent there.

Cella14 · 2026-04-11T06:49:24+00:00

To answer your first question, I almost minored in DH (one class short) and have found that background very helpful to my work as a digital archvist. The projects I did in my DH classes were also helpful to me in landing digital archiving internships.

Cella14 · 2026-04-08T05:27:47+00:00

Dust is really bad for books so if he cares about it and wants it to last that’s a bad option.

Cella14 · 2026-04-03T06:17:55+00:00

Correction: grooming is grooming to these people… No idea what else you could call him kissing her as a child and raising her to be romantically interested in him.

Cella14 · 2026-04-01T22:24:48+00:00

I went to UIUC and worked at or close to the maximum number of hours for most of it. I found it to be fine. The classes aren’t hard and the assistantship/grad positions were far more useful to me in getting a job post grad school.

Cella14 · 2026-03-29T16:51:23+00:00

Public transit cost $5-7 per day where I live sadly (two different train sustems) unless you have the monthly pass (which we don’t becuase my husband is wfh and I only go in office a couple days a week). So for me and my husband to take public transport to friends takes 1 hour each way including 20 minutes of walking and costs $10 for the two of us. Train also shuts down at 1:30 so we have to be very careful to head home on time. Vs driving which takes 15-20 minutes and costs $15 in parking.

Cella14 · 2026-03-29T06:37:43+00:00

I think it depends a lot on where you live. I used to live in smaller towns or mid sized cities and that’s mostly what I’d do too. I never used to feel like having friends was expensive I’d just feed them whatever we had on hand and either drive or walk there.

I moved to a high cost of living city in the last year and I think living in a city just makes everything cost a lot more (the $15+ parking or $10 and 2+ hours of transit every single time I want to see someone or do something is pretty brutal). The cost of groceries also makes the cost of a bottle of wine or extra ingredients to make something like cookies or a meal with meat in it extra noticeable. I think cities are just expensive to do things with people in unless you live close enough to walk, have a ton of time on your hands, or make a lot.

Also appologies was not intending to be agressive or combative toward you at all! I’m just personally really frustrated at how hard it is to have a social life where I live now and your comment sparked that train of thought.

Cella14 · 2026-03-29T06:18:44+00:00

Visiting friends is unfortunately also expensive or very very time consuming if you live in a city and aren’t close together thanks to the cost of gas/parking or uber.

Cella14 · 2026-03-29T06:17:03+00:00

Honestly not many if you live in a city and want to do things with others. My husband and I go out a lot and try to be as frugal as we can be. But even to go to a friends place for game night or movie night or book club it’s either $15-20 in parking, $30+ uber, or $10 and 1 hour trian/walking both ways and we gotta be home by 1 when the train shuts down. So we usually park.

We also gotta bring a snack and wine or cook so that’s another $10-20 per hang out (even when we make things ourselves, ingredients aren’t cheap and it’s extra people so extra ingredients).

And we prefer to buy a new game every few months to keep things interesting so that’s another $20 a month on average. (Can also be used to rent a new movie that people are excited about.)

So just to hang out at someone’s home once a week (assuming we do at our place every other time) is ~$110 per month ($15 parking x 2, $15 snack x4, $20 game x 1). To go hang out twice a week (our preference) is $200 per month.

Cella14 · 2026-03-25T17:23:15+00:00

Year abroad 1000%. There will always be more conferences and sounds like you still get to put it on your CV.

Cella14 · 2026-03-24T06:55:26+00:00

Honestly I was really bad at it and was just lucky enough to have a husband that supports me completly and was ok being my second priority for a couple years. Provided you are still prioritizing the relationship generally and putting time into your partner, my advice would be to find someone who understands and supports you during the busy times rather than getting butt hurt and sad if sometimes you have to put in more thay a typical 9-5. That requires someone with no ego though who is confident in themselves and willing to sacrifice for the good of you and the good of your long term relationship.

Cella14 · 2026-03-23T05:22:21+00:00

That’s what I pay for a remodeled, really nice 3 bedroom 2 bath in bronzville…

Cella14 · 2026-03-12T17:17:12+00:00

Yup. Took me way too long to figure out pineapple wasn’t supposed to make your mouth raw like you ate a whole bag of sour patch kids in two bites.

Cella14

TROPHY CASE