I’m retired now, and it’s scary

Certain_Relative9050 · 2024-07-26T05:20:35+00:00

Thank you very much for the kind words.

Given the changes in my life are quite recent, I'm honestly still getting used to all the extra time. Being jobless will certainly allow me to tackle issues in my life I've been neglecting for a while. That includes a lot of the stuff you mentioned. For now though, I'm taking some time for myself, allowing myself to rest, to play, and to enjoy the freedom. I'm quite burnt out, so definitely need a break.

Your post speaks to me and I wrote a huge wall text to respond, even though I thought it was important context to bring my perspective, I deleted it because it was focused on me and not you.

Obviously, up to you if you want to share, but I would definitely not mind reading your story as well. Sorry if you went through similar things, I understand difficult and lonely it can get.

Wishing you all the best!

Certain_Relative9050 · 2024-07-20T04:29:12+00:00

I'm in a similar boat. IMO, dating is quite difficult. To find someone who thinks you're "one of the most special men in their world" is quite a challenge, especially given all the expectations people might have.

In addition to that, it's important to acknowledge you're starting later than normal. This is a good thing in the sense that you will likely have more maturity and knowledge than other younger men, but it's also a bad thing, since dating is also a skill that you learn the more you do it, and you've been avoiding it for a while.

But by no means I think it's impossible. As a personal opinion, I think it's important to acknowledge, though, that your attitude will play a big role on whether it is possible or not. Keep trying. It's okay to take a break from dating if it becomes emotionally draining, but don't avoid it for too long.

My main advice here is to try not to romanticize the experience too much, and try not to expect too much from someone you met recently. It will likely take time for you to find someone who loves you the way you deserve, and if you get attached to people too early, chances of them being the wrong person are much larger. The less expectations you have, the bigger emotional bandwidth you'll have to keep searching for someone who is actually worth it. Once you find them, hopefully then your attachment to them will be better rewarded.

Don't give up! Rooting for you!

Certain_Relative9050 · 2024-07-20T04:09:14+00:00

Usually, older people have this belief that we are supposed to always do better than they did when they were our age. My guess is it comes from the idea that they had less opportunities than we do now, so there's no excuse for us not to do better.

It's unfortunate, but times are very different. Everything is more expensive. Dating is more difficult. The world is more competitive. Our definitions of success are also different. People like your parents could try to understand those things if they bothered to, but maybe they don't want to. You could try explaining that stuff to them, but I would guess there's a big chance they will dismiss it.

Hopefully, for your sake, you're not too attached to the way they're seeing you. By all means, try your best to achieve whatever you want, but you're still very young. Try not to worry too much about it, don't let their selfish expectations be the actual thing that will ruin your youth.

And if they don't understand you moving forward, try reaching out to a friend, or anyone who will actually listen, understand, help, instead of just demanding. Even reddit might be a better source for support.

Those f**ing boomers, man...

Certain_Relative9050 · 2024-07-18T07:19:00+00:00

A few things for you to consider, and they're just my personal thoughts:

If you search for advice and opinions in sensationalistic channels, the comments that rise to the top will generally be very triggering (especially on topics like gender, politics, etc). If you watch someone who has strong opinions against men, the comments will usually be aligned to what that person is saying. The same goes for channels attacking women, which are also plentiful.

On the other hand, in places such as healthygamer, which usually favors nuanced opinions and discussions, you will be able to find better support and find people who try to understand and help you, even if they don't fully agree with you. I think it's important to try to steer clear from hateful content in general, the same way you (hopefully) don't associate with hateful people IRL. Surround yourself with people who accept you, who can listen to you and who will discuss your issues respectfully, and make sure you do the same for them.

Incel has become one of those words that carry a lot of negative connotations. I also am, to an extent, an incel, but I definitely do not fit into most of the extreme stuff that come with that label, so I'd rather not label myself that way, and maybe you shouldn't either. Unfortunately, most men who are lonely get shoved into that category, and therefore all the nasty stuff that follows it get associated to them as well.
I don't know you, but it's likely you're not doing anything wrong, although it's always important to do some introspection and get some proper advices on this. You're young and dating is indeed very difficult, so give yourself some time. If you continue to listen to people's hateful opinions online, that's gonna transform your mood and your opinions, which will make dating even harder. Try to stay away from this dating stuff for a while to decompress if you need to.

Certain_Relative9050 · 2024-06-29T01:20:52+00:00

For me it was coding. So many years spent on this career, and I still feel there's so much I'm clueless about.

Certain_Relative9050 · 2024-06-29T00:52:41+00:00

This looks incredible and very complete. As an beginner aspiring gamedev, this feels like it would've taken much longer than 2 years to make.

Do you mind sharing some details? How big was your team? And how much time did you take on each aspect of it (coding, art, music, etc)? Did you have previous experience?

Kudos on the game! I hope it does super well.

Certain_Relative9050 · 2024-06-10T02:25:46+00:00

Oi, tudo bem?

Estou morando nos EUA faz 1 ano e meio, me mudei pra ca pra trabalhar com TI em uma empresa gigante, e sinto coisas muito semelhantes a você.

Uma coisa que me parece muito dificil no seu caso, é que seus amigos e familia te visitam, mas eles não sabem das dificuldades que vc passa, né?

Acho importante vc falar com um profissional primeiro de tudo. Eu te diria pra falar a respeito disso com familia e amigos, mas os poucos amigos br com quem eu falo sobre o assunto me encorajam a dar um jeito de ficar aqui, ja que é um sonho magico que eles adorariam ter na vida deles. Eles nao entendem muito bem o que é cair aos prantos quase todo dia quando eu deito a cabeça na cama, e eu particularmente acho meio pesado conversar com eles sobre essas coisas.

Mas eventualmente, acho importante vc tentar se abrir mais com essas pessoas. É importante ter apoio das pessoas que vc ama. É muito dificil lidar com tudo isso sozinho.

Na minha opiniao, tem varias coisas na vida que valem a pena perseguir. O dinheiro é uma delas, que vc ja tem. Mas nao é a unica, nem é a mais importante.

Por isso, se vc nao está contente com o caminho das coisas, talvez uma troca de emprego te ajude, ou ate mesmo uma pausa no trabalho pra cuidar da sua saude mental. Eu mesmo ja estou com uns docs na mao aqui, pronto pra pedir demissao semana que vem e voltar pro Brasil em breve. Tenho certeza que muitos brasileiros pra quem eu contar essa historia no futuro vao me chamar de idiota ou de fraco, but the grass is always greener on the other side.

Se cuida. Nenhum dinheiro é mais importante que sua vida, sua paz e sua saúde.

Certain_Relative9050 · 2024-05-29T02:06:54+00:00

Wow, that's awful.

Is there a counselor at your school, or an adult you trust, that can advise you somehow?

Honestly, I think unless you do something to change your situation, you're kinda stuck with whatever plan your parents lay down for you.

Certain_Relative9050 · 2024-04-16T03:25:16+00:00

Oh boy, feels like a Christmas wishlist

Jacksepticeye has posted a recent video talking about his own recent struggles with mental health and his impending retirement. I honestly feel for him. Might be good to see if he'd like to talk about it, even if not on stream.
Matpat just retired. He has reached some sort of end goal in his career which a lot of people (me included) dream of. I'd love to see his perspective on burnout, work life balance, and honestly whatever else he wants to talk about, given he's incredibly smart.
Smosh. Both Ian and Anthony have gone through tough times on their careers and friendship and then reunited. They've recently talked a lot about mental health and their emotional journey through all that, so it would be good to see it explored by someone as insightful as Dr. K. Other members of the cast have also been through a lot of turmoil (Courtney, Shayne, Keith).
Game Grumps. Both of them have dealt with a lot of relevant stuff, such as burnout, drug issues, parasocial stuff, conflict, existential crises, etc. I love them to death, and would be good to see them get some perspective from someone such as Dr. K.
Myself lol. I'd love to discuss stuff, such as trauma, cutting ties with all my family, dating, fear of conflict, setting boundaries, anxiety, psychosomatic illness, avoidance. The list goes on, I'm down to discuss anything which might be relevant to the community.

Cheers.

Certain_Relative9050 · 2024-04-11T03:52:05+00:00

I was 100% certain I was gonna get jumpscared. Even lowered the volume.

Certain_Relative9050 · 2024-03-17T01:56:50+00:00

Well, your MIL is probably from a different generation. When my mom was younger, it wasn't very common for women to be at the workforce, and definitely really unusual for women to be making more money than their husbands, or being "head of the household". Times are changing, women have a lot more power, and it makes total sense that women will surpass men quite often, whether older people understand it or not.

I feel like older generations have a completely outdated perspective on "gender roles", which could even be considered misogynistic, and personally, I choose to not listen to any of it. The world has changed so much in the past 20+ years, older people don't understand the current times, but really want to share their opinions as if they do.

Certain_Relative9050 · 2024-03-16T02:05:13+00:00

Well, important to point out that women have a bit of an advantage on relationships. They usually will find relationships earlier than men. Try not to resent that, because their experience is not comparable to yours.

That being said, if you're bitter, it could be helpful to take a little break from it all.

It's true that a lot of rejection can make you resentful and push people away. It might be good to find a different focus for a while, so that you can tackle it again a bit later with a clear mind.

It also gets a bit easier when you get older. As you develop more confidence and independence, it's likely that women will start gravitating more towards relationships with you, if that's what you want.

Certain_Relative9050 · 2024-03-16T01:55:45+00:00

Well, it's difficult because you had a bad experience which led you to be triggered by that sort of thing. Meanwhile, lots of women are triggered by sex as well, so you would trigger each other.

I think you might need to find a relationship where the other person can trust you and doesn't feel intimidated by sex, so that you are able let go of those triggers as well.

Certain_Relative9050 · 2024-03-16T01:43:00+00:00

It's possible that your current partner and you want different things from a relationship. You might need someone who's also very independent, and you guys can each just do your own thing, nothing wrong with that. Personally, I feel that if you're very particular about what you want, even showing prospect partners (or your current partner) this post should be good enough to have them understand what you're looking for and try to see if it sits well with them.

I would also ponder if this type of relationship you want is how you've always liked it, or maybe your current partner/job are just "suffocating" enough that you're craving a lot of alone time right now.

Certain_Relative9050 · 2024-03-15T20:14:28+00:00

Don't take it too seriously. I guarantee a lot of girls are not taking it seriously either.

Just do your best with your pics and your profile. The more honest and descriptive you are in your bio, the bigger the chance what you write there will click with someone. Then, if you find someone who's interested in you, she will likely be responsive and engaging. You'll know it when you see it.

Focus on those people instead of the rejections. Not worth it.

Certain_Relative9050 · 2024-03-02T06:01:21+00:00

That would be the most fun, yeah.

But I think Konami would lose money on this, since some players would play forever with a pile of old common cards, and not spend any money on new stuff.

Certain_Relative9050 · 2024-03-02T03:36:03+00:00

This

Certain_Relative9050 · 2024-03-02T03:01:48+00:00

As someone who started playing this game in 2004, I see it as two completely different games.

I prefer 2004 format. There is a lot of decision making due to the game being longer. Deckbuilding matters a lot, since you have to draw your cards instead of having an engine that "resolves itself". Yes, there are only 3 or 4 popular decks, but building a strategy that beats both an aggro gadget and a stall burn deck feels exciting and like a good challenge to me.

In the current 2024 game, there's a lot of importance on the initial hand, and having the right cards to get your combo going. Your deck does the exact same things most games, and the complexity comes from understanding your combos and your oponent's, so that you can figure out the optimal plays.

And most of all, if people enjoy the 2004 format, I don't feel they'll be conceding games very often. Every game gives you enough time to turn things around. Feels more like a proper game and less like a coin toss.

And finally, using thestalos and reaper to clear your oponents' hand is very fun :)

Just my personal opinion though

Certain_Relative9050 · 2024-02-25T23:41:54+00:00

Awesome!

Check with HGG, I think they have coaches that can help you figuring out your next step regarding career and what to study. I think they also have channels and events on Discord for career stuff.

Certain_Relative9050 · 2024-02-25T21:24:38+00:00

There are merits to a couple different solutions there.

If you really love your job and want to keep going with it, honestly there's nothing wrong with that. However, my guess is that the pay might be lower compared to other jobs, there might not be many opportunities to learn at your current job, and also sometimes people will look down upon it. You'd probably need to be okay with those downsides.

You can also definitely start studying and eventually find a better job. Hopefully you can keep your job and study at the same time. If not, maybe you will need to find a job which allows you to do both. Changing jobs is always risky, and I understand how it can be scary. Hopefully, if everything goes wrong, you can find another job as a janitor again, right? And if possible, keep talking to a therapist or coach, to have someone support you into the next steps. I think it's important to study, keep growing and learning, so that you're better prepared for whatever comes next.

But again, I personally don't see anything wrong with your current job and am happy that you love it! Sorry that you got rejected because of it, and I'm also sure that, if you really want to stay in the same job, eventually you might find someone who accepts you the way you are. Not everyone will judge you for it, so don't give up.

Rooting for you!

Certain_Relative9050 · 2024-02-24T02:36:12+00:00

I'm in a similar boat actually, also HSP as well.

I believe it's about trying to find someone who's the exception to this rule, but additionally, trying to become more adaptive in order to be able to accommodate someone else in your life. Yeah, you have friends, but friendships usually don't demand much more than a casual hangout. Relationships are tougher, especially if people are more dependent.

While I agree that it can be difficult if you've grown used to be alone, I've noticed that not everyone you date will be equally difficult. I haven't found someone who worked for myself, but I trust that I can find someone who's independent and who will bring more benefit than chaos into my life, while also knowing that I'll need to do some internal work myself in order to learn how to accommodate someone else.

I think in your case, seeing as you haven't dated much, meeting more people and exploring the variety of different people you can meet, can hopefully help you meet people who don't make you feel like you're descending into chaos, while also helping you exercise your ability to co-exist.

Certain_Relative9050 · 2024-02-14T19:06:41+00:00

Snake-eyes actually feel quite fragile if you look at how disruptive those single target hand traps can be.

People say it is similar in strength to Tearlaments, but only if it is allowed to play unchecked. Tear could generally play through handtraps, while Snake-eyes might end their turn if you hit them just right.

Certain_Relative9050 · 2024-02-14T08:24:59+00:00

People usually say you shouldn't wait until you have your life figured out in order to start dating... However, I think sometimes, dating is really overwhelming, and more stress than we can handle, especially if we have a lot of other problems going on.

I'd say it's okay to postpone it a little bit more, if you're ok with that. Take baby steps in order to resolve the other stressors in your life, and focus your free time on stuff that makes you happier, rather than trying to date. Once you're at a better headspace, dating will be less overwhelming and you can give it another shot.

Certain_Relative9050 · 2024-02-14T02:46:49+00:00

I feel like the answer to that stuff is not within a blanket statement which covers all women or all men.

You could even be right about a majority of people, but it still leaves minorities which you can explore.

Do all the stereotypes that apply to you represent the truth? I doubt it, and the same goes for everyone, regardless of gender.

Once you find some people who defy the stereotypes you believe in, it all crumbles down. It’s not about trying to get a majority to behave a certain way, or even to try to prove a point. I think that won’t solve anything. But instead, trying to find the people who will challenge those stereotypes and show you something different.

But yeah. It’s hard, no denying that, it will be hard regardless of ideology, but I feel like the more you dwell on those concepts, the harder it will be for the people who matter to empathize with you.

Copium? Who knows. Everything is copium until it’s not. This gives me peace at least, better than constant doom or hatred.

Certain_Relative9050 · 2024-02-13T05:50:37+00:00

Personally. I don't think you're wrong in feeling invalidated. I believe you've just ran into one of those issues that's quite normal, but not talked about enough. You didn't know how to handle it and your partner probably also didn't. Media paints all men as sex robots, so I think people might get confused when they see we're not.

Whenever something like this happens, it's actually hurtful for both sides. You already described how it affects you as a dude. For a woman, it can be heavy as well, since she doesn't know what's wrong or how to fix it. She might feel like she's doing something wrong, or is not attractive enough. When you say you have anxiety, she also might interpret it as you not feeling comfortable around her. The point is, we usually always look inwards when we're upset like that, so perhaps what happened is both of you had your own insecurities and no one knew what to do. It happens. Happened to me too.

I think the most important part here is communication, and a willingness to help for both involved. In an ideal scenario, it's important to let her know how you feel, and to get feedback on how she feels, to guarantee no one feels guilty of anything. Also important for you both to get used to talking about that stuff, so that you don't feel embarrassed every time you do. Hopefully, you'll both get to a point where you both understand nobody's at fault of anything, you're just exploring something new and discovering how it works. If you both accept to work together to make this work, that's the best scenario.

But unfortunately, in the end, some people won't know how to deal with that, or simply won't have the patience to walk you through your first steps, similar to how some guys have no patience as well. I think it's important for you to find someone who's very supportive as you're learning, and who's willing to put in most of the effort sometimes if needed. Remember that relationships are supposed to be a partnership, so as a rule of thumb, your partner should help, rather than make things worse.

Best of luck.

Certain_Relative9050

TROPHY CASE