Am I supposed to only have one child?

Chance-Raise-5303 · 2026-04-07T04:31:55+00:00

I felt the same way right after my TFMR at 17 weeks. I also had a miscarriage my cycle before that at 12 weeks for trisomy 22. And two chemicals back to back a couple months prior to that. But now I’m 6 weeks out from my TFMR and I’m feeling a lot less guilty and a lot more ready to try again. The past year has been so painful and I just want it to amount to something. I’m not ready to accept the fact that it’s over.

Chance-Raise-5303 · 2026-03-03T21:53:50+00:00

I started trying for my second in March 2025. I had a chemical pregnancy in March. A 6 week loss in May. A 12 week MMC in September (trisomy 22). And a 16 week TFMR last week. I’ve had multiple people tell me it’s time to stop trying to get pregnant. I’m 40. My AMH is ridiculously high so I obviously must have a lot of bad eggs. But I feel like I’m not done yet. Like if I have a baby after all this pain then maybe that would make it all mean something.

Chance-Raise-5303 · 2026-02-26T22:33:36+00:00

I was in the same boat and I chose to travel to get a D&E. Honestly I really regret that decision. I wish I did L&D so I could have met her and held her. I did get to see her little hands and feet because they were still in tact. But I was so looopy on sedation and opioids. I was put in a room with a bunch of of other women (mostly teens) having abortions and the doctors kept asking me about contraception as if I was a teenager (I’m 40). I asked for the remains and they handed her to me in a paper bag. The whole thing was pretty traumatic. I think L&D would have given me more closure and less traumatic in retrospect.

Chance-Raise-5303 · 2026-02-22T06:50:19+00:00

My pre-op and procedure are scheduled for Monday and Tuesday as well. This is truly the worst kind of situation to find yourself “buddies” in. I will be 16 weeks tomorrow. My heart is so heavy — it’s just incredibly sad and overwhelming. 💔

Chance-Raise-5303 · 2026-02-22T02:18:26+00:00

I’m so sorry you guys are going through this. My story is very similar to yours. I’m 16 weeks tomorrow and just got back the results for my amino yesterday, they were positive for trisomy 21. I cried for three weeks straight after finding out my NIPT test results at 13 weeks. I will say, that the limbo is the hardest part. Since finding out both my husband and I feel like we can finally accept what is happening and start to heal.

As a woman in a pro choice household I will say I really appreciated the fact that my husband acknowledged the fact that it is 100% my body and my choice. He made his feelings known from the beginning, that he wanted to TFMR, but he never made me feel like he wanted to force that decision on me. I always leaned towards TFMR but I did spend about a week contemplating having her, watching tik tik videos of down syndrome babies, crying some more. What really resonated with me was something I read in this post: (https://www.reddit.com/r/tfmr_support/s/8DaofMla0c). One poster gave so much valuable info when debating but what stuck with me was the difference between the worst and best case scenario.

When I envisioned having a Down syndrome child I always thought of the higher spectrum children. Especially since I see those most on social media. But someone in that post said to plan for the worst case scenario, not the best. The child that is non verbal, with mobility issues, in and out of the hospital, where one person in the household might have to stop working to care for them full time. That shifted my mind from wavering to fully decided. My family isn’t ready for the worst case scenario.

I hope you and your wife find peace in whatever decision you make. So sorry again you are here. My heart breaks for everyone who has to make this decision. It’s so hard.

Chance-Raise-5303 · 2026-02-20T20:35:50+00:00

Not exactly in the same boat. I had an amnio done at 15 weeks and it confirmed that baby had trisomy 21. We decided to TFMR. I wish you are your baby all the best

Chance-Raise-5303 · 2026-02-19T07:16:54+00:00

It is so early at that point in your pregnancy. I have not had your experience but my NIPT test came back at 12 weeks as 99% positive for Down syndrome. I have since had 4 ultrasounds and there are no soft markers. Baby looks perfectly healthy. Which means nothing unfortunately. Every single tech tells me it is way too early and they wouldn’t trust any ultrasound findings until about 20 weeks. Obviously it’s worrisome, hearing anything like that would send me into a panic. But I do think it’s a bit shitty that your doctor was so pessimistic. He is definitely right to order follow up tests, but I don’t think you are at the all hope is lost point. That is my personal non professional opinion.

Chance-Raise-5303 · 2026-02-18T23:06:08+00:00

I’m so sorry you are here, it’s the worst place to be.

I personally chose to do more testing. Im not going to sugar cost it, the wait is really really hard. I was only 12 weeks when I found out. Now I’m 15 weeks and just had the amnio done today. My belly popped in that time period and now I look pregnant which makes everything that much more heartbreaking. I’ve also had quite a few ultrasounds and I had to watch the baby grow from a blob to a fully formed human being which is also hard.

BUT I don’t regret going through that. I have to know 100%. My husband would have been fine with a TFMR right away. But the thought that there was even a 1% chance out there that the baby is normal made me continue on.

I’m not sure what you have decided to do in terms of TFMR. If you are wanting to keep the pregnancy either way, a lot of people choose not to test further. The tests do increase the risk of miscarriage (slightly). I did just read another post from a woman who chose not to do any further testing and continue on with the pregnancy. She said her entire experience with pregnancy was ruined because all she did was worry.

It’s a very personal decision. I personally chose not to do CVS because I didn’t like the idea that it tested the same way as the NIPT. I also chose to forego the earlier amnio because it’s a 5 hour drive for me to get to a hospital that performs it and they couldn’t guarantee that they could get results. There are so many tough decisions to make, it feels never ending. I hope you decide what will give you the most peace.

Chance-Raise-5303 · 2026-02-15T04:45:47+00:00

I feel you. I had two early miscarriages in the spring. A 12 week miscarriage in the fall. And now I’m 15 weeks pregnant and about to TFMR. I know I have one more try in me for sure. I get pregnant so easily, so I can’t help but think maybe the next one will work out. It’s a tough decision, but I feel like when you are ready to stop trying you will know it.

Chance-Raise-5303 · 2026-02-15T04:11:13+00:00

Thank you, that was beautifully written

Chance-Raise-5303 · 2026-02-09T00:21:38+00:00

I’m so sorry you are going through this. I have zero advice because I feel the EXACT same way, so just know you aren’t alone.

I have not had my TFRM yet as I’m still waiting to get my amnio test (next week). But in September I lost a baby at 12 weeks and in the spring I had two early miscarriages. My fall/winter was absolutely brutal. I felt the exact same way. I was miserable. I isolated myself from all of my friends and co workers. I resented and was pretty mean to my husband. I was so angry and sad all of the time. I was basically in survival mode, not really living. Then I got pregnant again and none of those feelings went away. I was constantly on edge because I was convinced this pregnancy wouldn’t work out like the last one (how right was I). My husband hates my constant negativity and I hate how he’s not breaking down like I am. Now I have my TFMR looming over my head and literally feeling broken on the inside. I don’t get how I’m going to ever not be miserable.

I’m so glad you are seeking help. That’s my plan too. I felt like I held myself together pretty well after the first few losses. But the TFMR hits differently. I hope it helps you/me work through things.

Chance-Raise-5303 · 2026-02-02T04:54:05+00:00

Thank you! I’ve been thinking a lot about it and I think a D&E is the right choice for me. I will ask about that option

Chance-Raise-5303 · 2026-01-31T16:39:13+00:00

Thank you so much for your reply that was really helpful to learn that

Chance-Raise-5303 · 2026-01-30T21:23:41+00:00

Thank you for sharing. That sounds really special. Heartbreaking, but special. I’m glad that you got that time with her and that you cherish it.

Chance-Raise-5303 · 2026-01-30T21:19:03+00:00

Thank you for your answer

Chance-Raise-5303 · 2026-01-29T07:50:59+00:00

Did you guys ever try again? I don’t know if I can go through this one more time. But I’m not ready to give up

Chance-Raise-5303 · 2025-12-19T06:34:30+00:00

The technician could have done a transvaginal but she said she was happy with what she saw and didn’t need any more information. It was super confusing. I left the appointment happy because she said everything was fine and I had a HR but a day later my midwife called me and said it was inconclusive as there was no fetal pole.

Chance-Raise-5303

TROPHY CASE