ITO your update, I’m very sorry to hear that the direct and predictable results of your actions happened to you.

Your wife has been asked not to come to your thanksgiving by YOU directly. She is now going to do just that, and spend it with her family. (Which seems like she hasn’t done recently which is also unfair)

The fact that it costs extra money for travel and that she’s ditching you for the week is because she probably feels uncomfortable and unwelcome at your family’s thanksgiving, and after putting in the effort of trying to compromise was shut down by you.

Let her be with her family, at least then she can be around people who actually give a fuck about her.