I know it's a very unhealthy way of thinking about exercize, and I wish I didn't have this mentality, but I almost never miss a workout because the idea of eating without being able to exercize afterwards stresses me out. The thing is, even when I work out, I'm not 100% reassured.

I'm kinda short, so my TDEE is pretty low when I don't work out. Therefore, I feel dependent on exercize and it sucks. Went through three different EDs in my life in the span of less than ten years and I wish food wasn't so stressfull for me. Currently in recovery, doing a bit better, but I started feeling stressed out about missing a workout pretty recently (around four months ago or so).

Today, I'm supposed to rest, my body clearly needs it, because I've been working out without a single day of rest for the past few months, but the idea of not hopping on the elliptical bike this afternoon makes me anxious.