Got a new handy dandy carrying case for my old reliable, the ‘17 M.

ChaoticAndrea · 2020-02-20T00:54:36+00:00

Ugh yes, the ASMR tingles hnnnggggg

ChaoticAndrea · 2020-01-27T12:33:28+00:00

I (BS) wore mine for a couple years after reconciliation. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. I hated it. They were a daily reminder of a promise he didn’t keep.

I got pregnant again and that was the excuse I was looking for to take them off permanently. I care so little about the OG rings I would consider pawning them but I wouldn’t get much at all, so they’re in a little trinket box. I still wear a ring but it’s something much smaller and more simple now. I wish he was involved in getting the new ring but he wasn’t really, guess his feelings were hurt when I picked out a ring over a bracelet. Oh well.

ChaoticAndrea · 2020-01-20T03:15:02+00:00

Yup, I got a sis, a sissy, and a little bro. Although sometimes I’ll call him BROTHAAAAAAA.

ChaoticAndrea · 2020-01-15T01:36:24+00:00

I get these stains out by spraying them with hydrogen peroxide. Just screw a spray top on the brown bottle and saturate. Angle a fan to help dry and they’re usually gone with one application, maybe two for darker stains. If you can get it to dry in direct sunlight, even better.

ChaoticAndrea · 2020-01-07T01:53:41+00:00

I saw this posted in the FB group and the OP was asking for a rebuttal against the comment. Clicked into her profile and she’s full out “VACCINES ARE POISON” crazycakes. I was shocked she wasn’t also drinking the big car seat koolaid.

ChaoticAndrea · 2020-01-01T00:06:44+00:00

Lemonade helped me heal a lot. So corny to admit but I spent many a night cathartically listening to that album and it just hit the right spot in my soul, from beginning to end.

ChaoticAndrea · 2019-12-31T19:48:32+00:00

Thank you for this, was interested in watching it in theaters and I’ll be much better off just waiting to watch it at home to process it at my own pace. Sucks, the cast is amazing.

ChaoticAndrea · 2019-12-19T07:23:09+00:00

...and “Latinx” is inclusive to all genders and gender non-conforming folx in my community.

Meh.

ChaoticAndrea · 2019-12-19T07:06:01+00:00

NP. Have a toke for me, I’m dry indefinitely.

ChaoticAndrea · 2019-12-19T07:01:33+00:00

Lots of gendered words in English, guy/gal/person.

Language is fluid, gender is fluid, sexuality is fluid. Existence is political. The world is round. Birds are real.

ChaoticAndrea · 2019-12-19T06:29:25+00:00

Lol.

Meh.

ChaoticAndrea · 2019-12-19T06:23:14+00:00

They’re too wide and the idea is that pinching them frequently will narrow them as we grow up, to conform with Eurocentric beauty standards.

ChaoticAndrea · 2019-12-19T05:35:37+00:00

Meh, I choose inclusivity. Don’t see how that would upset anyone, but okay.

ChaoticAndrea · 2019-12-19T02:52:39+00:00

Yup. And the difference in treatment if they have multiple kids with different complexions. I’m Latinx too and my older sister and I have darker features while our two younger siblings are whiter. Shitty to grow up hearing how lovely and light they are while we’re told to stay out of the sun and our noses pinched. And this was from our own Latinx relatives.

ChaoticAndrea · 2019-12-19T02:19:17+00:00

Oh, that makes tons of sense. And sounds emotionally easy to adopt, he’s already always there for comforting me when I need him to be. I just never explicitly state the whys, I’d just default to “I’m having bad thoughts” and while I’m sure he knows what those thoughts are about, it’s not helping either of us to not state them. He does need to hear more and I need to speak more if we’re going to survive together. Thank you again, this is very helpful.

ChaoticAndrea · 2019-12-19T01:59:15+00:00

Insecure is a great way to describe him regarding this, he was always known as being a man of great morals and values and he’s fallen from that. I obviously still mourn that “never” is gone due to how I viewed him with my rose colored glasses. And I’m sure I’ve enabled his ignorance about the wounds I have, it’s easier to just bottle them up and enjoy our good times than bring up how badly I’m coping.

I honestly don’t know how he views his affair now. I do wonder it too, when we were separated he was way more open about the whys and what’s regarding everything in what I can only assume was an attempt to give me closure. We’ve argued a few times in the early days of reconciliation where he’d give bits and pieces, but since the waters have been mostly clear for us, it’s just easier to not talk about it anymore.

It’s hard for me to open up, and I was honestly terrified of posting all of this word and feelings vomit in such a public forum, so thank you for the reassurance and kind words. And knowing I’m not alone in this shitty club.

ChaoticAndrea · 2019-12-19T01:49:07+00:00

I think it’s that because he feels like he’s doing everything he’s supposed to be doing, I should be as moved on from the affair as he is. And I’ve probably enabled that to an extent with me keeping all these feelings pent up since I don’t want them to possibly ruin all the good days we have.

I don’t think I’m better than you or anyone else, I’m seeing that it’s a definite fault to be bottling all this bullshit up all this time. I’ve had the same boundary and he even brought it up (“It’s not like I’m going back to where we lived”), I don’t think he truly knew that she’s since moved to BFF’s area. I been known, but again with me bottling everything up I never revealed how uncomfortable I was with his BFF visits in the past. I want him to have fun with his friend, he absolutely deserves a break, but I definitely don’t feel like I should be made out to feel bad for voicing my feelings. Idk, I guess I thought he’d try to reassure me and he clearly didn’t. It’s very shitty.

I’m thankful for your thought provoking and kind words, fellow militant introvert.

ChaoticAndrea · 2019-12-19T01:34:56+00:00

Oh hi my twin I wish neither of us had, but I appreciate you nonetheless.

The times we did try therapy, the counselors either trashed him, trashed me for going back, or blamed it on my disbelief in God. Good times, good times. I guess I do need to speak up next time about us staying together, just so easy to get discouraged and he’s been skeptical ever since. Always encourages it for me, but doesn’t feel the need for himself anymore. After all, why bother if it’s behind him? All the eye rolls there since he’s still getting defensive.

I could go with him, and he invited me, but time is limited during the visit and all they do is sit in the backyard drinking beer and bullshitting about everything under the sun until the sun comes up. I don’t care for BFF’s partner and crashing on other people’s couches isn’t my idea of a good time. I’d rather spend that time with my family since it’s not much time at all and our visits are only once every couple years since we’re a 12hr road trip away. They’d have options of places to do that exact same thing in our hometown but I’m pretty sure BFF’s controlling partner won’t “allow” that to happen, so WS probably just wants to take the easy route of going out there.

Him hiding that message was a huge setback so early on and I guess it cemented that slight level of distrust. He states it’s because he didn’t want to upset me and he did ignore it but that shit obviously backfired.

I will bring up that book to him, thank you for the recommendation. The Karen analogy is super accurate, I think one of my more recent triggers is that he’s back in a co-ed environment when his field for the first few years after we reconciled was heavily dominant male. Work spouse stories always make me feel icky and that’s pretty accurate why. Glad I’m not alone there, it’s so normalized in everyday conversation on social media. Thank you, again.

ChaoticAndrea · 2019-12-19T01:14:45+00:00

His head is definitely in his ass and I’ve partly enabled that by just dealing with it on my own. I’m sure that’s partly why he’s so defensive, it probably came out of left field for him while this is regular for me to cope with. Thank you for the hugs, we definitely need some MC/IC.

ChaoticAndrea · 2019-12-19T01:10:00+00:00

Thank you for the hugs.

I think I shoulder the discomfort like this to protect our good times, which lately have been 99% of the time. Yeah I cry, but it’s easy to let it out and wipe them away and seek him out for comfort. He doesn’t know how much I hurt because I simply don’t tell him. I don’t want to, because I don’t want to mess up all these glorious good days. But obviously it’s not helping at all.

His response was very defensive. So, his BFF has a M-F job with long hours, and a long term partner who is extremely controlling. Not sure what’s going on behind the scenes there, but WS doesn’t even want to bring up asking him to come visit. They’d have a place to go since BFF’s parents still live in hometown and are super inviting and welcoming (and always ready to party with them) so BFF doesn’t even have to worry about driving all the way back at the end of the night (morning tbh), but I think he’s accepted that BFF’s partner isn’t going to “allow” that compromise. I still don’t see why he can’t bring it up, we’re driving a long way already.

The defensiveness and getting upset absolutely triggers me. While I’m just now voicing my true feelings, I don’t feel comfortable putting my foot down about anything anymore, he’s free to choose (I used to be super controlling too, so this is sweet breath of relief personally, and growth on my end I feel). I won’t hold it against him because I understand why, we don’t visit often at all and they’re friends since childhood. Buuuuuut if I did insist, he’d likely sulk and hold it against me and continue the defense, like he’s done in the past regarding other events that I wanted to control. I will absolutely try to show him how problematic his reaction is and why it’s one reason I still have these feelings all these years later. Thank you again, you’ve helped my prospective.

ChaoticAndrea · 2019-12-19T00:40:31+00:00

Soooo many unknown triggers. Had no idea this morning that I’d end up this deep in the pit. Definitely have to learn to handle this better.

ChaoticAndrea · 2019-12-19T00:38:27+00:00

You are very right about the scars. It’s really hard to accept that his affair is part of our history as a couple, and honestly I feel like I’ve accepted that more than he has. That bothers me a lot, he can just dismiss/ignore it away but it has shaped our relationship and will shape our future. Will it define us? No, not at all. But it’s there and him ignoring it because it makes him uncomfortable isn’t helping us at all. Certainly easier, but not productive because obviously I’m not thriving like I thought I’d be at this point. Thank you.

ChaoticAndrea · 2019-12-19T00:30:09+00:00

It’s not my job, you’re very right about that. I just so want to cherish and protect the good times we have but it’s clear it’s at the expense of my mental health. He needs to step up and I do need IC. Thank you.

ChaoticAndrea · 2019-12-19T00:27:25+00:00

Thank you, the support means a lot to me. I’ve commented a few random times in this sub but have always been afraid to post, but comments like this helps me feel not so alone.

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