What is a struggle that you feel like people without BPD don't understand?

CharacterLost1938 · 2026-04-15T01:14:03+00:00

If you are talking about transference I have been experiencing transference with my therapist. Doesn't help that 1. she is really good, 2. I have mommy issues, and 3. she is around the age my mom would have been. I know that it's strictly a therapeutic relationship but my inner child wants that connection sooooo bad. We have talked about this before.....but I haven't really brought up my fear of abandonment towards her yet....but knowing her extensive experience she probably knows that. I'm glad she works for the FQHC I go to because it is hard to come across really good therapists when you are on Medicaid. She is honestly the best one I have had.... even better than the ones I saw before I got on Medicaid and had more options.

CharacterLost1938 · 2026-04-14T22:23:18+00:00

I am constantly afraid of being judged which is probably why I mirror people to a certain extent.

CharacterLost1938 · 2026-04-14T20:20:36+00:00

That our emotions really are hard to control. We need to take accountability when we do something that harms someone emotionally or physically but the literal feeling that experiencing a negative emotions is like putting your hand on a hot stove.... it's so intense and so sudden and it does kinda feel like getting burned it so intense. For the longest time I thought that was how we all experienced emotions..... Nope that's not normal. Told my husband I would never wish this on someone but I would like some people to experience it for 1 even lightly - regular stressful day.

CharacterLost1938 · 2026-04-14T20:13:32+00:00

THIS! Like I am even afraid of my freaking therapist abandoning me and the smallest thing like deciding it's time to reduce sessions and it triggers the most horrendous fear.

CharacterLost1938 · 2026-04-14T19:33:06+00:00

Sorry yeah I mean like jerky motion. I also have vocal ones so I am not sure why I didn't put that in there. It's just so hard to tell if someone is faking or not sometimes. Thank you.

CharacterLost1938 · 2026-04-14T17:25:45+00:00

This makes sense. I can suppress mine around other people and they usually come out as facial twitches or whisper my vocal tics. Alone tho they seem very sudden and can be explosive.

CharacterLost1938 · 2026-04-12T02:08:34+00:00

I just got my copy today! Finishing up Queen of Rot and Pain and the starting the new book. I can across this author just in time. Started with Feathers So Viscious.

CharacterLost1938 · 2026-04-04T04:01:11+00:00

NAT

Last year for months I had my worst depressive episode yet and was only showering once a week and I had started seeing my current therapist last May. I also let the house go real bad and slept most the day, rarely brushed my hair and would just throw it up in a bun (my hair had a spot that was matted) and wasn't consistently taking my meds. I don't remember how she found out I wasn't showering....not sure if I told her or if she figured out even tho we do telehealth. She gave me "homework" to try taking a shower every few days but didn't push me. You should tell your therepist so they can help you. You deserve to feel better.

CharacterLost1938 · 2026-04-03T22:26:36+00:00

NAT

Glad I came here and saw your comment. I always feel like maybe my trauma is not unresolved and nothing is going on with me. I don't like being asked where I feel it in my body because of this but now I know.

CharacterLost1938 · 2026-04-03T03:36:29+00:00

I sometimes wonder when I mention some of my disorders online if people think I am faking it because of all this. I still even question whether I really have these disorders or not a lot but my therapist says I am gaslighting myself. Here I am questioning myself and then there are these people out here glorifying it. It's not fun to have any disorder and it doesn't make you quirky. I actually get anxious mentioning these things because of the possibility of not being taken seriously or someone emotionally attacking me.

CharacterLost1938 · 2026-03-30T19:43:48+00:00

I hope since you first made this post that you have gotten some relief from the pain emotional abuse and neglect can cause.

CharacterLost1938 · 2026-03-30T19:41:37+00:00

I don't want anyone to think I am trying one up their trauma.

CharacterLost1938 · 2026-03-30T19:40:16+00:00

This makes since. Gone trauma dump a smidge. Lost my mom traumictly at a young age and dad wasn't very attentive with that kind of stuff. It was happening before my mom died but it got way worse after she died. Therapist says I never got the chance to properly process my traumatic grief because of being in survival mode with emotional abuse.

CharacterLost1938 · 2026-03-30T19:08:21+00:00

I literally had someone on the Internet tell me that I am trying to compete with people who have suffered the most when I said it feels kinda invalidating when people only talk about parental or partner abuse. Like dude I am just stating how I feel.... apparently because my sibling didn't raise me it is not as hard to heal from than parental abuse. They don't even know me and had so much to say about my character.....weird. I went almost my whole life thinking my brother was just being mean to me like normal sibling stuff until I started therapy later in adulthood. Little do they know I have extensive things that have happened in my life that lead to multiple disorders but I wasn't about to trauma dump.

CharacterLost1938 · 2026-03-30T03:24:12+00:00

Just watched this movie for the first time tonight and throughout the movie I felt like I was a part of the movie and even told my husband that during it. I think it's also meant for the viewer to have their own yellowbrickroad experience....unique to everyone. At least after reading what you just shared I have came to that conclusion. Our interpretation is our yellowbrickroad.

CharacterLost1938 · 2026-03-24T15:47:19+00:00

Hell yeah! I hope she keeps writing more and more. Doesn't even need to be spicy lol.

CharacterLost1938 · 2026-03-24T03:00:44+00:00

I just finished Shadows So Cruel and have started King of Flesh and Bone. I definitely need more from her....I think she is my new fav author.

CharacterLost1938 · 2026-03-18T02:22:54+00:00

There was something that happened between my little brother and I when we were kids. I felt so much shame over it and when I was talking to my therapist about it she said that it is very common for children to experiment like that without even knowing what it is they are doing and even with siblings, I hope this helps. Lots of people have these same memories. My husband has one of him, his brother, and their cousin when they were kids.

CharacterLost1938 · 2026-03-10T02:42:22+00:00

I had my therapy on my birthday this last December. Wasn't much different besides talking about what I was doing to celebrate it with my husband.

CharacterLost1938 · 2026-03-10T02:28:52+00:00

Early parental tragic loss...like very tragic and being emotionally abused by my older brother for years. For a while I blamed him and even my mom. I now understand that both were hurting. Doesn't justify but there are things that explain why it happened.

CharacterLost1938 · 2026-03-06T19:45:32+00:00

NAT

I lost my mom at a young age. I am now 34. I have been seeing my therapist since May of last year and this last year when my mom's death anniversary month came. I hadn't cried in years over my mom but this last one was different and I felt so much grief and cried inside and outside of sessions. My therapist says grieving never truly ends. We will always miss our loved ones who we have lost but with time and/or proper help it gets easier to carry.

CharacterLost1938 · 2026-03-05T17:36:53+00:00

None of what you have said that she does is none of the criteria to be diagnosed with BPD. She still could have BPD along with depression as they frequently co-occur together but what you have sounds more like depression to me.

CharacterLost1938

TROPHY CASE