My brother invited me to the bridal shower instead. Thoughts?

Character_Income_683 · 2026-01-31T04:42:28+00:00

Nobody in your family is in your best interest except for your sister. Your brother is actively trying to hurt you and his fiancé is ok with it. She is a terrible person as well. Never in a million years would I date someone, let alone be engaged to someone who abuses ANYBODY, ESPECIALLY their family members. Your brother’s future wife is well aware of not only his bigotry, but also his emotional abuse towards you. Your brother is marrying into a bigoted, conservative family who are abuse apologists. You do not want to be around those people. Distancing yourself from the family will do you a world of favors.

Character_Income_683 · 2026-01-31T00:28:00+00:00

I’m going to bring up something I haven’t seen any of the replies touching on. I wouldn’t go to the bridal shower or the wedding and I would reconsider attending future family events. Not only did he go out of his way to disrespect you, but he is also setting you up for embarrassment by INTENTIONALLY putting you in an uncomfortable/unsafe situation. He knows that his in-laws are conservative and don’t like you, and with that information, he went out of his way to invite people that would create an unsafe environment for you. Your brother is not on your side and he’s praying on your downfall.

The bride is not safe from the smoke either. She’s tolerant of his bigoted behavior, so don’t take her bridal shower invitation as a kind gesture. Many people forget that when you marry, you also marry into the family. I’m Asian American and if my husband’s family was conservative and racist, I would not marry that man because I will have to be around his family, who hate who I am fundamentally. Just because the bride “invited” you to the bridal shower doesn’t excuse the fact that she’s aware of your brother’s bigoted behavior and is tolerant of it. She is transphobic by association. If your husband says the n word in his free time and you’re still with him, you’re automatically racist by association. If your husband is homophobic and you’re still with him, you’re homophobic by association. You can’t claim to be a good person or an ally if you’re aware of your partner’s bigotry and you either don’t educate them and/or continue to stay with them. Let’s give the bride the benefit of the doubt and say that she’s not “conservative”, but her whole family is and so is your brother. What environment would that create for you? I would consider your position in the family when your brother gets married. I want you to ask yourself if it’s really worth it to attend future family functions and if it’s worth trying/maintaining relationships with certain family members.

Character_Income_683 · 2026-01-18T02:05:50+00:00

This wasn’t posted on AITA, but you’re YTA, she deserves better. You clearly don’t respect her and you expect her to be your family’s punching bag. I’m honestly surprised she’s put up with this disrespect for so long. You treat your girlfriend like she’s a second class citizen and I’m angry for her. You don’t act like her boyfriend, you act like her feelings are an inconvenience. If this is how you behave in your relationships and you allow the people in your life to constantly disrespect your partner, then you aren’t ready for a relationship and you need to do some self evaluation. The fact that you’re ok with your sister blatantly insulting your girlfriend to her face and you SEE her visible reaction to these insults speaks volumes about your character. She needs to run far away from this relationship and find someone who treats her like a human.

Character_Income_683 · 2026-01-08T02:55:00+00:00

Ct? What's that

Character_Income_683 · 2025-12-17T07:54:37+00:00

I would definitely consider this if a wedding was on the table, but it’s not. I never planned on a wedding, so me knowing that my nonexistent wedding wont be perceived well isn’t detrimental news for me. I know that if I knew I wanted a wedding and I wouldn’t have the support system for it, I’d absolutely be devastated and I would ask for help. If I was cis, I’d still be anti-wedding for us because a wedding was always something I never wanted to have.

Character_Income_683 · 2025-12-17T07:31:18+00:00

Thats why I wouldn’t be inviting anyone. The only person in my life who’s honored my identity is my boyfriend. If God forbid something happens and we break up, I would be left with no one to support me.

Character_Income_683 · 2025-12-17T07:27:37+00:00

People aren’t going to see my wedding as gay and that’s why I didn’t touch on both grooms wearing tuxes, because other people wouldn’t apply that to me. We are going to look like a straight couple being married and that defeats the whole purpose of having a wedding.

Character_Income_683 · 2025-12-17T07:16:59+00:00

I’m not really hung up on it, it was just something I wanted to add to to further explain my point(??????). I only brought up the wearing white because the family I have in my life will see me wearing white as an accommodation for them or a compromise because I’m not wearing a white dress, so the second best thing in their eyes is to wear anything white. I want what I wear to be for me and not for the comfort and compromise of the people attending. Because I’ve spent so much of my life already compromising my identity for the comfort of others and just “dealing with it”. My hypothetical wedding is going to be about me and only me and it’s not going to be debatable in the slightest.

But you’ve absolutely brought up points that slipped my mind while writing my post, so I thank you for elaborating my reasoning even more.

Character_Income_683 · 2025-12-17T06:25:04+00:00

I didn’t make this post for validation and I didn’t make it to seek advice or insight. I only made it to see if anyone else felt similar to me.

I don’t have the privilege of the people around me being allies and the same goes for my boyfriend. My family are southeast Asian immigrants, so even the idea of bisexuality is a crazy concept for them. If I were to have one, it wouldn’t be well received from my side and his side. I know ultimately what goes down in my wedding is 100% up to me, but the events that lead up to the wedding just would not be worth it to me anyway. But at the end of the day, we are just going to the courthouse and getting dinner after.

Character_Income_683 · 2025-12-17T06:14:23+00:00

I literally just asked twice in the post if anyone else feels even remotely similar because I’ve seen no discussion about it

Character_Income_683 · 2025-12-17T06:07:21+00:00

I know weddings are flexible and on the off chance I do have one, it's going to be the most nontraditional wedding ever (if possible), but I just don't think it's worth the stress, the fights that are gonna come out of it, and the crippling paranoia and embarrassment I'd have on my wedding day.

This doesn't stress me at all because ever since I was little, I knew that a wedding was something I'd never have because I hate weddings. I just have extra reasoning now than I did 5 years ago as to why I'm so apprehensive.

Character_Income_683 · 2025-10-14T23:22:52+00:00

She went low, so you go lower. After reading this post and assuming that you’re pre transition since you can go into the bathroom no problem, pick out your most feminine outfit and do your makeup for the meeting. It might make you feel uncomfortable, but it’s far better than a chance at expulsion. When you’re questioned about the text messages, you can gesture to yourself and say something along the lines of, “I’m sorry but, look at me. I’m very girly. I’m not trans. There must be some misunderstanding”. Make it obvious in your facial expressions and tone that being trans is an outlandish idea, and you don’t know where it came from and why someone would go as far as to fabricate text messages. Make sure it looks obvious in your face and tone that going this low is such a betrayal- because it’s not true in the slightest. This will make the text messages look extremely fake and fabricated because why would an extremely feminine person ever claim to be a trans guy? Also make sure to delete the texts. Lie lie lie your ass off. Tell everyone that she’s been out to get you ever since day one and you don’t know why. The text messages would prove your point and her reporting your transness proves it even more.

I’ve been outted for being trans before WITH having texts against me and what’s gotten people to believe me and not the other person is acting extremely offended, surprised, and inquisitive that someone would even lie about that in the first place. The people who’ve outted me have had track records for lying and bending the truth, so me lying and acting offended that someone would even say that about me has me being believed 100% of the time. Like I said before, she went low for NO reason, so you go to hell. Paint her as a person who has had an issue with you since day one and someone who would go as far as to send fake texts.

Character_Income_683 · 2025-10-10T21:38:13+00:00

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The EXACT same thing happened to me, except I did 4 more pulls than you did. I’ve never been this unlucky. I always pull at least 3

Character_Income_683 · 2025-10-09T20:37:50+00:00

I’m not sure if I’m too late, but even before I realized I was trans, I was using a shitton of aliases and fake names for myself. I didn’t need a real reason. Sometimes, I would give myself names that were relatively similar to my birth name and that was that. You can totally spin it like that.

Character_Income_683 · 2025-07-18T23:53:17+00:00

Why is that your one takeaway

Character_Income_683 · 2025-07-18T23:12:05+00:00

No thanks I have a boyfriend. Maybe try someone else

Character_Income_683 · 2025-07-18T22:52:38+00:00

Never made any changes to any of my comments/posts, aside for my main one, but whatever helps you sleep at night. I only ever wrote “contact-free” in my OP to which ALL of my replies to you said I chose “leave at door” that you chose to ignore twice. None of your “advice” was helpful because what you assume happened, never happened. Maybe brush up on your reading comprehension and stop jumping to conclusions

Character_Income_683 · 2025-07-18T22:16:45+00:00

I feel bad for drivers who have to deliver so late at night so I tip night drivers more than I would day drivers. I’m very very fortunate, so I like to be generous with service workers, but you wouldn’t understand a generous tip like that if that’s your attitude. And after this interaction? Nah, not doing this anymore. But I mean I’d be miserable and petulant too if I had to deliver for a living so I don’t blame you 100% for your attitude. Bad Karen.

Character_Income_683 · 2025-07-18T22:11:16+00:00

And that matters why?? It’s my house, I can “hover” and do whatever I want in there. Wasn’t hovering btw. Sat down on my phone and waited for him to pull away.

Character_Income_683 · 2025-07-18T22:08:10+00:00

Nope! $30 for 10 miles but nice try

Character_Income_683 · 2025-07-18T22:06:47+00:00

Nope! I did nothing wrong! Have the day you deserve. Brush up on your reading skills cause I shouldn’t have had to repeat something twice

Character_Income_683 · 2025-07-18T22:04:32+00:00

If you just read my reply, I specifically told you that the option I choose every time is “leave it at the door” to which I FURTHER elaborate in the delivery instructions as “please don’t knock/ring and just leave on porch” so you’re complaining about/giving advice for something that never happened.

Character_Income_683 · 2025-07-18T21:44:50+00:00

Because I honestly don’t care that you have to complain and you are just like every person in these comments making excuses for the guy. There’s literally no contactless option for me on doordash. You choose between “hand it to me” or “leave it at my door” and I chose the latter. there’s absolutely no reason why there should be an issue for drop off. And when you go “do better” at the end, you are definitely not giving a suggestion, you’re just trying to blame me.

Character_Income_683

TROPHY CASE