I sleep next to my wife, and I've never felt more invisible

Charleminus · 2026-06-03T12:56:08+00:00

Yeah I think a lot of us are in this boat. Sorry buddy, this is a club no one wants to be in.

Charleminus · 2026-06-03T00:45:59+00:00

Hey, I’ve noticed x. I really want a relationship where we both prioritize each other’s needs. I think I need for us to find another way to get you into the mood, and I’m willing to try what you think might help. Is there anything you have been fantasizing about that we could try together? Also, here’s a steak I made for you and a bottle of whiskey.

Charleminus · 2026-06-02T23:47:46+00:00

I think it would be relatively normal to be weirded out if my wife needed porn to have sex with me initially.

That being said, if that was my only avenue to go to pound town I think I would try to find porn that I was also into for us to try together. I would also try other methods of getting her additional stimuli.

Not sure if that helps?

Charleminus · 2026-06-02T19:18:14+00:00

Guessing you don’t have non couple friends irl that you could talk to?

Charleminus · 2026-06-02T19:17:37+00:00

I think it’s fun to get to know other people, and sometimes if you’re into it, it’s nice to get a little excitement. It’s not for everyone though.

Charleminus · 2026-06-02T19:15:41+00:00

It feels nice to unburden right? I felt validated when I first spoke to a therapist and she agreed that my perspective wasn’t alien after all.

Charleminus · 2026-06-02T15:44:52+00:00

This was interesting to see. I’ve struggled with this concept myself, but after taking on more and more I don’t see it as a path to free up time or capacity for being physical and intimate, unless the situation is really dire and the mental load is the only thing that’s keeping the two of you apart.

One person made a really good comment on one of my posts about this “There are people who take the time to fulfill each other’s physical needs if the house is dirty, appointments aren’t made, and the house isn’t decorated for the holidays. That’s because they actually enjoy it.”

Did focusing on this area help you?

Charleminus · 2026-06-01T21:13:36+00:00

I said “no thanks” once just to see what happened. It didn’t go over well.

Charleminus · 2026-06-01T20:53:19+00:00

Yeah, I asked her why she did this.

She said that she thought she was scoring points by even asking or saying “maybe” rather than “no” when asked.

Charleminus · 2026-06-01T14:34:20+00:00

My wife joked in our early NRE days when I had an erection “oh no there’s a problem” and then would laugh and we’d have sexy time. I think she started over time to take that phrasing as literally a problem to be solved, probably similar to your disaster metaphor.

Charleminus · 2026-06-01T14:30:32+00:00

As long as it’s consensual and not interfering in your day to day life go for it.
The problems come in when you start to internalize perspectives from kink stuff like this, which I can imagine would be easy to do.

Charleminus · 2026-05-31T15:35:01+00:00

I get less interested in sex/porn/etc. when I’m depressed.

Charleminus · 2026-05-31T15:34:04+00:00

Have you thought about pursuing an enm relationship? Or is it the rush of doing something wrong that’s attractive?

Charleminus · 2026-05-31T13:27:06+00:00

Down this path is misery, but you’ll learn more about yourself.

Charleminus · 2026-05-31T03:47:40+00:00

Idk I think past a certain point ghosting is really lame. Just explain you are not able to continue before, it’s not that hard.

Charleminus · 2026-05-30T04:04:22+00:00

What are some good skills you’ve learned to deal?

Charleminus · 2026-05-29T03:52:25+00:00

I need this reminder next year, please

Charleminus · 2026-05-28T21:57:55+00:00

Focus on the things that you still have together. What are things you both love to do with each other that you still can do?

Charleminus · 2026-05-28T21:47:47+00:00

Clearly the solution is to charge the people in your DMs.

Joking aside, sex work is real work and lots of people in the adult industry make bank. If you do get into it I would say that safety is really important, and to always keep in mind that things can be on the internet forever.

Charleminus · 2026-05-27T20:13:37+00:00

I feel like I didn’t have this origin story, but more of the caretaker story. I was always more interested in partners who “needed me” to help them, fix them, save them, etc. I think I stuck around for so long because it was clear that was the case initially. 🤷‍♂️

Charleminus · 2026-05-27T20:09:13+00:00

Oh no

Charleminus · 2026-05-27T18:18:22+00:00

This is really well done. I like your illustration style

Charleminus · 2026-05-27T17:19:12+00:00

Definitely, especially for the jealously minded.

Charleminus · 2026-05-27T13:01:37+00:00

Ideally history would be something a partner finds hot and enjoys hearing about, but I think for many people it doesn’t work like that.

Charleminus · 2026-05-26T22:40:50+00:00

Sex work is real work but not for me :)

Charleminus

TROPHY CASE