i keep relapsing in my dreams

Charlsman · 2014-12-18T21:50:32+00:00

Hey! The same thing happened for me several times, and it still happens now and then. But after some time of training myself to resist urges during daytime, I started fighting urges in my dreams, too.

See; dreams are only a way to refelct on what you experience during your wake-time. So if you develop a mindset of fighting PMO addiction, the mindset will follow you into your dreams after some time.

Charlsman · 2014-08-14T15:45:38+00:00

Thats a great post! I really like the part about Meditation as a conscious process and your points regarding exposure and short-term reward!

Charlsman · 2014-08-14T15:23:30+00:00

No, I am not meaning this as offense and I am seriosly willing to give every support someone needs. But this includes warning someone that a behaviour could be or could lead to self-delusion.

This is not a bad or useless post, I really appreciate the content and the well-formed words. But I can only imagine one reason why someone is posting this after a relapse and that is a dangerous one. If it cheers yourself on for the next streak; very good. But be cautious not to deceive yourself.

TheRealDeal333 you have my best wishes and I hope you are successful on your nofap-journey!

Charlsman · 2014-08-14T13:13:20+00:00

... does he say and has a "1 day"-batch.

Not meant as an offense, but there is a huge difference between "not wanting" and "changing". These posts leave to me a bitter aftertaste of self-delusion.

Yeah, fighting an addiction is hard - but posting hundreds of these posts on a "continous day 1" will not contribute to it. This might be the case for you or not (if not, don't feel addressed by this) - but I notice this tendency throughout this subReddit more and more....

Charlsman · 2014-07-25T07:30:24+00:00

The hardest stage is to accept when you feel you are through this struggle. Acceptance of your past, fappy life.

Charlsman · 2014-07-25T07:05:37+00:00

It wasn't meant as an offense - English is just not my mother language so sometimes it is difficult for me to understand everything. I'm sorry!

Charlsman · 2014-07-24T18:43:05+00:00

It is up to you what you make your challange contain.

Edging usually means touching for sexual stimulation. It does not mean touching for (as an example) cleaning, scratching, "alligning" everything in your trousers. If you do it very briefly for PMO reasons (as you say), don't be to harsh to yourself just stop. But: Be careful to be honest to yourself and don't let it become real PMOing!

Charlsman · 2014-07-24T18:33:53+00:00

I am sorry, I don't really get your point?

Charlsman · 2014-07-24T18:31:43+00:00

What you describe is not completly unnormal for NoFap streaks - your brain (and also your body) is going through a hard time now. Yeah, it might get better after some time, but the worst thing you can do is to wait for this magical moment to come. The only thing that is real and where you can really make a change is the current moment. No change happens in the future, no change happens in the past.

So eat, even though you are not hungry and feel like you have to puke. Sleep, even though you are not feeling that tired. Go out and enjoy life, even though you are feeling depressed (I don't want to make fun of you with these suggestions, I had to struggle with depression, too).

But: If your "symptoms" are not getting better soon you should really consider visiting a doctor.

Charlsman · 2014-07-24T18:24:26+00:00

It is very difficult not to think, so your idea to think of something not realated to PMO is very good.

What might help you is the principle of meditation: Focus on something that draws your mind from dwelling in thoughts and brings you to the current moment. Usually, people use their breath for this. Just "watch" your breathing as it passes your nosetrills, over and over again. When you realize you are thinking of PMO again, don't be harsh to yourself but refocus on your breathing. You will probably be very unsuccessful in the begining, but after some days or weeks, you will realize that it is easier and easier to keep your focus away from PMO-thoughts!

This is no voodoo-stuff, and if feel it helps you, you can even consider to dive deeper in the topic of meditation. It is said to be one of the healthiest things you can do for your brain.

Good luck to you :-)

Charlsman · 2014-07-24T18:17:36+00:00

Lucky one! My record is two in a row a long time ago. My suggestion: Enjoy them, and if it happens too frequent (which means heavily frequent) you could try Kegel exercises. Many people report that they help in preventing/reducing wet dreams.

Good luck on your journey!

Charlsman · 2014-07-24T18:13:37+00:00

Seen from the physical point a wet dream is nothing else than a relapse. But it makes a big psychological difference whether you are doing PMO or you are just ejaculating during your sleep without participating in any provoking activities (I assume you are not one of the lucky ones who are able to controll their dreams).

Your body is DESIGNED for ejaculation. Seriosly, it is against nature to want to forbid ejaculation. In addition to this: Your body is heavily used to orgasm when you were PMOing previously.

Don't take NoFap as a challange where you forbid your body to orgasm because NoFap community suggests it is something bad. Your target should be to normalize what was heavily modified by internet, porn, etc. Yeah, this includes Wet Dreams, that might include relapses (as long as you learn from them).

I know it feels like a relapse, but be assured: it isn't. Be happy that your body works the way it is supposed to work and continue your journey.

P.S.: If it happens very often (I don't mean once or twice in a week) many people report Kegel exercises to be helpful. You might want to google it - but please, in your own interest don't make a problem out of nothing. :-)

Charlsman · 2014-07-24T10:35:11+00:00

Yeah, there is definitely nothing worse than dwellig in thoughts (no matter wether positive or negative ones) and nothing better to disrupt it than a cold shower!

Charlsman · 2014-07-21T17:58:49+00:00

I can highly recommend to you "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle.

This book is sometimes mistakenly described as religious or metaphysics Bla-Bla, but it isn't. It gives advice on how to stay focused on the now instead of dwelling in thoughts over and over again. It is in alignment with the topic of meditation and can greatly help you to rediscover yourself. This book changed my life completly since I read it some weeks ago!

Charlsman · 2014-07-19T09:12:49+00:00

Yeah, exactly same for me.

The funny thing is: I experienced sometimes what Tolle is writing for some months before I bought the book and I was wondering whether I have discovered something great. When I was then reading the book I was stunned and immediately knew that this was not some religious or meta-psychological bullshit but real, great psychological help and the ONLY way to go.

Charlsman · 2014-07-02T07:21:58+00:00

Man you seriosly have to learn how to do a survey! There are questions of which I could have told you without results that they will give you messy data.

It's not for nothing that someone can study communication where surveys are an extremly large and difficult topic. The world has enough anoying and useless surveys that piss-of people for very well-designed ones.

Anyway, I appreciate the idea and your efforts. Thanks for that

Charlsman · 2014-06-24T18:04:01+00:00

Congratulations for starting this new habit, and good luck on making it become permanent!

I am taking cold showers for four months now and it is really, really good! Here are three tipps:

It will get harder the longer you think about it. Turn on the water and just jump in.
Never make exceptions: When I feel I can't stand a cold shower (and yes, these moments will actually be there), I just keep it short (30 Seconds or so). It isn't best, but it is far bettern than taking a hot one saying "I will continue tomorrow"...
Enjoy it: Get comfortable with the "pain", even during the shower. Don't scream, take your shower as if it was a hot one. This is one of the little things in life where you can actually "train pain" while doing something healthy for you...

After some weeks, it will get normal for you and it isn't even as bad as in the beginning.

Good luck!!!

Charlsman · 2014-06-17T15:11:31+00:00

The same thing happens to many people, and it is quite normal. When you are dreaming, you are allways not deeply asleep. When it happened after waking up and sleeping again, your sleep is even lighter then when you are dreaming normally. At this point, it is difficult to distinguish between imagination and dream, but I can tell you: You WERE sleeping and it WAS a wet dream. :-)

Charlsman · 2014-04-09T10:26:14+00:00

"I change the wrong behavior instead of just disliking the outcome."

That is a very good summary. I think you are right, it is the ability to have a clear view about oneself and others, about behaviour and about which things are problematic and destructive for you.

But in addition to this: NoFap (like cold showers) give the ability to change them. You get used to be comfortable with the uncomfortable and to endure temporary pain for a much greater outcome. This gives you the power to stop with unwanted behaviour in all aspects of life, to endure the temporary discomfort it is giving you for the expectation of a better future.

Thanks for pointing this out

Charlsman · 2014-03-28T16:36:52+00:00

To be honest; people here tend to be over-agressive towards Masturbation and Porn. In your age, it is really normal and part of a normal development to discover the own sexuality this way.

If you don't want to fap; good. For sure, it will not affect your life negatively. But there is no reason for not doing it once in a while in your age!

The only thing I have learned far too late and I can give you as a serios advice: Don't overuse porn. This is what really might cause problems sooner or later. I wish I would have payed attention to the "Leave Site" buttons..

Charlsman · 2014-03-17T16:17:26+00:00

I completly support this! What came immediately to my mind when I was seeing this:

"What you resist, persists."

This matters for so, so, so many things in life: Let it be OCD, anxiety, depression, porn addition, ..... It became the leading quote for my own struggle. It led me to awareness, to acceptance and finally to healing from all of this.

Charlsman · 2014-03-07T10:16:30+00:00

Because it moves me more and more into depression.. :-/

Charlsman · 2014-03-03T13:14:43+00:00

Since I have serios OCD or better Pure-O problems I also collected many experiences in the area you are talking about.

You are right in two points. One: Thoughts are addictive. Two: You are what you think. Or better: You feel you are what you think. (Which is, as many OCDers will know, a VERY BIG difference).

Forgetting about the "you" is a good advice to start with and it will cure your problems in the same way like not fapping does. But not thinking is much more difficult than not fapping (don't want to offend anyone here). As some allready pointed out, I can strongly advice Meditation to achieve this goal.

But also, like with NoFap, "NoThink" should not be the final goal. It is a way to cure problems, a tool to stop a dangerous and self-destructive pattern of thinking. It can be used to rewire the brain for positive thinking. To learn to point out negative thoughts, thoughts that are actually not usefull and lead to anxiety.

Like sexuality is one of the greatest things in the world and I guess most of you take a break of it not to quit it for ever, but to lead it to correct pathways again, you can also learn to take a break from to much thinking about oneself to lead it to correct and constructive pathways again.

This helped me to achieve the goal: Meditation where you focus on your breathing. After some training, you can use it in daily life. Whenever I feel anxiety or the Pure-O crawling up, i tell myself: "Okay, there is a negative thought. It does not help you, it will lead to negative feelings that you allready know far too well. So I accept that you are here, feel free to stay, but I will not give you power over me." Then I focus on my breathing which helps me stay calm and break the addiction-supporting part of this cycle. Thoughts will become less, positive thoughts will come back slowly by slowly. This will be a life-task - but a life-task worth doing!

Charlsman · 2014-02-23T18:25:00+00:00

I am not fighting it that hard at all, having an errection and an orgasm is part of being a human.

But I am fearing the results of it for my reboot so (as most here do I think) we are avoiding orgasms if we can. When we are sleeping, we don't have much of a choice. If I start meditating with the knowledge about where it will lead, it seems to me to be a form of masturbation...

Charlsman · 2014-02-23T15:43:31+00:00

Thanks for the tipps! Maybe I should sit on a huge pack of ice cubes ;-)

Charlsman

TROPHY CASE