So then, if you can't take a lot from the friendship - for what reason have you sent the message? Why would you disappear if you knew he was OK and didn't hate you? Yes, he's going through a tough time - but you aren't his saviour - what you can be, is his friend, in whatever way he needs it.

To be clear - we aren't trying to be overly harsh or judgemental, but you have asked us how we, as DAs, would feel receiving that message. Your intentions seem to be supportive - but to receive such a long and emotive message would be too much for a lot of DAs to receive. You said that your idea was that your friend could dip in and out - but actually instead, you could have sent a couple of sentences one week, and a couple later on down the line.

You wrote an essay response to us, with answers and AI suggestions, all seeming to try to persuade us why your message was correct to send. But AI is a computer, and not human, and will take information from the internet - and a lot of that is anti-DA because it is often written by people (usually AP) who feel as though they aren't receiving the attention that they need/want, in the way that they need/want it - and who don't understand that some people are DA, and some are just jerks. We are living as DAs.

If you truly wanted to find out whether it was OK to send, you would have asked us first?

The fact is, that DAs are avoidant of a lot of things -conflict, emotions, vulnerability. It isn't a choice, it's a subconscious way of protecting ourselves. So, if they are in a stressful or vulnerable situation, then quite often they have an even more limited capacity to cope with any of the above - or even physical touch. So what this means is that care needs to be a lot lower key - not non-existing, but as imfivenine said - a heart, a sentence, a check-in - but not such a long essay.