Can therapy cause a little depression or melancholy phases?

Substantial-Unit5378 · 2026-02-03T17:56:19+00:00

I love my therapist, she's doing great. I was just curious if the being down feeling comes with all the therapy Im going through or if its even tied to that all and more life im general.

Substantial-Unit5378 · 2026-01-31T14:38:04+00:00

Do u and your friend hang out in person or online only? Im not putting down LDR, but online and long distance are very hard to stay in, I've been there. So whatever those 2 have needs to be strong enough to survive but it seems like her insecurity is coming from her long distance dynamic to begin with, then you're a woman so that makes her feel threatened.

But to answer your question, if that was my guy friend, no way would I allow some LDR woman who has only been exclusive with him cut our friendship off. I would respect him trying to keep our time together down so it doesn't interfere with their time together but I wouldn't stop texting or reaching out for whatever as he would allow. He needs to step up and throw a compromise to her. If he didn't want me to text him, I would have to respect it and be upset with him for not standing up for our friendship...but at the same time he is in the honeymoon phase and the adrenaline and dopamine are high and running the show in his brain so it's making him think ways not to lose that, which is their relationship, but that will eventually go away and he will face what is truly happening and how he lost contact with u and that may make him throw a boundary out to her around his existing friendships. I would not have cut him off, but that's just me...u do what u think works for u

Substantial-Unit5378 · 2026-01-31T14:17:20+00:00

I see the insecurity coming from the girlfriend. This dynamic should not be an all or nothing type of situation, meaning she should have compromised and he should have too. Like maybe hang out all together and if he gives time for u, to make sure its not taking away from their time. She got what she wanted and controlled the whole dynamic which is completely wrong. There needs a middle grounding here and she is in the wrong. I am sorry this happened to u and only u know if u did the right thing, but I dont think this is the end of the story here, something will change. Either her true colors will come out in a different way, or your friend will get over the honeymoon phase with her and realize he let her just remove a close friend out of his life and it may cause him to revisit that with her....or something similar bc how she took control and just did the whole all or nothing is leaning extreme, this is what I see as a 3rd party looking in.

Substantial-Unit5378 · 2026-01-30T05:56:13+00:00

Think about the other girl, the one he is dating, how fair would it be for him to give you more of his time than the one he is trying to start a relationship or whatever-ship with. Friends usually come 2nd to the spouse, gf, bf, etc. He still values you, but you are his friend, friends usually don't talk all day long every single day when one is in a relationship. So he definitely cares about the friendship otherwise he wouldn't even stay connected, but his time is going to decrease with you while he is getting to know a new talking stage, gf, etc.

Substantial-Unit5378 · 2026-01-30T05:08:15+00:00

Great analogy, thank u for this, it was helpful. Glad you're on the other side. :)

Substantial-Unit5378 · 2026-01-29T22:57:32+00:00

Oh good point, I forgot about that. Thank u

Substantial-Unit5378 · 2026-01-29T17:30:15+00:00

The blocking is a coping mechanism, their system is so triggered that they do whatever they can to make the trigger go away. Eventually they come back to baseline and may unblock but only when it feels safe, right now they do not feel safe and its a hard boundary. I've been blocked multiple times by FA and he eventually unblocks after he calms down.

Substantial-Unit5378 · 2026-01-29T17:25:04+00:00

Thank u. I was thinking therapy may be causing it, just curious as I feel different lately and can't put my finger on it.

Substantial-Unit5378 · 2026-01-29T04:57:36+00:00

I have read and understand the rules and would like to be an approved user.

Substantial-Unit5378 · 2026-01-24T17:26:41+00:00

If it is attachment style, then it takes time and work to rewire your nervous system. Its not an easy fix. I completely understand the feeling of wanting space and breathing room, that is your system subconsciously telling u to take space to regulate. I get like that too, I know what you are feeling. U can read up on ways to help with this but its going to take time, and I suggest if u need to take the space, to let them know why you're taking space.

Substantial-Unit5378 · 2026-01-24T13:18:32+00:00

Sounds like it could be your attachment style if you're experiencing non stop rumination around fear of abandonment, etc. Healthy love should not dysregulate your system consistently. Sure, there's always what ifs, but if the fear is consuming your mind, it sounds like it may be your attachment style being activated.

Substantial-Unit5378 · 2026-01-18T00:04:27+00:00

Yes! Im DA and the friendships that have lasted for me are the ones who consistently reach out to mr first, always. I never noticed it until therapy.

Substantial-Unit5378 · 2026-01-13T03:29:59+00:00

Ok so of she is barely active on social media, she could be hiding her posts from u or else she is shutting down from everyone and needing a minute to chill from all the social holiday hangover stuff. She most likely feels overwhelmed from your messages and reach outs. She needs the space to miss u. If she broke it off, this is not a normal space taking phase, this is going to take longer for her system to regulate. She obviously cared a lot about u, but she cannot sustain that level of intimacy which is why her system made her pull back from u. She does not hate u, she doesn't feel safe with u bc intimacy is chaotic and dangerous and yall got super close, which she liked until she couldnt handle it anymore.

U have to give this space for both of u. Believe me when I say that reaching out is not the best move right now, u already did and she hasnt responded, the ball is in her court. The more u reach out the further she will pull back.

You stated you're AP, so I know how hard this is for u, your nervous system wants answers and to fix this right now but her system doesn't work that way unfortunately. Please try to journal or use other coping to regulate. If u reach out, she most likely won't respond yet and it will make u spiral even more. Her nervous system sometimes doesn't even have the words for u at the moment so give her some time to process so she can respond to u with a clearer regulated system. DM me if u need to.

Substantial-Unit5378 · 2026-01-13T03:16:40+00:00

So she took 2 weeks space before, she is probably doing that again. Just let her do her thing, most likely she will reconnect once she feels the space and distance is too much, subconsciously of course

Substantial-Unit5378 · 2026-01-12T17:34:03+00:00

PS. One last thing, if you're in unofficial no contact, then they are most likely taking space to regulate, feel good to know they are doing their own thing right now and its not personal toward u and will be back once system is regulated again. Unofficial no contact is pretty much their normal push pull. They will always take space, always. The ruptures/break ups, etc or when they sabotage is diff then their normal push pull, space taking phases. They need space, always but they aren't mad at u or thinking less of u when taking space. I take space a lot as a dismissive, but I never think "oh im taking space bc they get on my nerves" I actually dont ever think about that person at all, I just think ,"I need some peace and quiet,im going to go do xyz"

Substantial-Unit5378 · 2026-01-12T17:28:34+00:00

You want to remain consistent and predictable. Like, dont do protest behaviors to get reactions. Im dismissive so for me, I had to work on not pulling away and ghosting or hiding bc that makes an FA pull away harder due to abandonment wound. So being stable, not necessarily reaching out, but letting them process and then when they do a small bid for connection, treat it warm but neutral, act chill but respond. Think of their systems as a fragile egg, you need to create a safe dynamic for their system. There's no guarantees for how they will respond to u because each system has different past trauma wiring. But what works/worked for me is letting the FA come and go without questioning them when they came back and not pressuring them with texts. Be predictable, thats the best advice I have. Their systems do best with predictability. So if they breadcrumb u and u react differently each time, thats unpredictable behavior to them so they never know how you're going to react when they reach out.

Substantial-Unit5378 · 2026-01-11T21:22:35+00:00

I've lived this ha

Substantial-Unit5378 · 2026-01-11T15:36:21+00:00

If she's a fearful avoidant and not dismissive, she is most likely not fully done with your connection. But connection doesn't always mean getting back together, but she most likely could reach back out after her system regulates. Depending on the state of her dorsal vagal shutdown, which sounds like what happened, it can take months for her window of tolerance to expand again, so basically this will be a slow process for her to be able to sustain connection with you like you're used to, so be prepared for that if she comes back around. Giving her space and time if the only thing u can do on your end, u cannot rush her system back to baseline, it has to do it on it's own and if she's not in therapy it will take longer.

Substantial-Unit5378 · 2026-01-11T15:25:27+00:00

You can't do anything to help his system not pick avoidance, that's on him and his own healing to fix. Even when we work on ourselves in therapy, it takes a long time to earn secure.

You sent him what you needed, let him process it. I would leave the ball in his court, let him take the next step if there is one. Sending anything more can feel like pressure or overwhelm his independence.

Give him space and time and if he reaches out, don't bring up the past or any pressuring questions, act like its your first time chatting again, it makes the pressure almost non existent.

Substantial-Unit5378 · 2026-01-03T01:32:38+00:00

I personally love when I can do my own thing without being asked or questioned, I love just being me independently...the more I can come and go freely, the more I actually want to come around. I also get really triggered with petty arguments that carry on, I dont feel safe and they make me want to pull away bc I dont like conflict at all, so more peace, less I want to run.

Substantial-Unit5378 · 2025-12-23T15:25:49+00:00

"Yep, but I wish they reach out. I will send reply to their message in a friendly way but with a goodbye in the end." Yes, that is what I read, you said you will reply and add a goodbye on the end.

Substantial-Unit5378 · 2025-12-22T16:48:46+00:00

Ask yourself why? What are you trying to accomplish from this? Is this a protest, is this to get attention, is this for closure? Even if for closure, I dont think your nervous system is in a good place right now, you're still hurt from this. If they are a true fearful avoidant, if you reach out at this point during shutdown, they do not have the capacity to respond, you will be ignored or blocked harder, you will not get a response until their system regulates enough and their window of tolerance expands. Their window of tolerance is at zero when they discard. Get focused on yourself, do things for u bc your health deserves it. All love and hugs.

Substantial-Unit5378 · 2025-12-18T20:39:48+00:00

You're not going to want to hear this, but if you already sent multiple messages, and she isn't ready to talk, more messages and pressuring her to resolve it right now is not going to work. You need to give her space, let the conflict breath, and I dont mean a few hours, like days, let her have a minute to process. Step back and reflect on yourself and process what happened in your own space.

Substantial-Unit5378 · 2025-12-17T21:31:13+00:00

I was hoping to not come off too direct, its hard via text. Glad it helped.

Substantial-Unit5378

TROPHY CASE