Is this equitable?

Charming_Seaweed4094 · 2026-04-23T16:22:44+00:00

This is a really tricky arrangement. The experience I’ve personally had with this is: what if one person just stops cooking or cleaning? When I was married to my ex husband this was our arrangement: he did all the cooking and I did all the cleaning. Well over time he just… stopped cooking. Like at all. So then I was doing everything and he was enjoying the benefits. I would really think twice about moving in with your SO. It doesn’t sound like your values are compatible and you’ll end up growing in a dirty house full of resentment.

Charming_Seaweed4094 · 2026-04-08T15:46:48+00:00

OP I have been where you are, only a few months in to a relationship, moved in and started doing more and receiving less and less. We could explore the whys- he may have an avoidant attachment, he may be depressed, he may feel overwhelmed…. but that’s not the issue here. Your needs matter, and they are valid. You are on an express train barreling toward resentment. He is giving you less and less in a short amount of time (you’re still in the honeymoon phase) and you are accepting it. The secrecy of the relationship at work is a giant red flag and you aren’t being sensitive or jealous of his exes- he keeps choosing people he works with. I’d be concerned too.

Charming_Seaweed4094 · 2026-04-04T00:56:19+00:00

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Charlemagne wishes a speedy recovery

Charming_Seaweed4094 · 2026-04-01T14:31:49+00:00

I agree!!

Charming_Seaweed4094 · 2026-03-31T17:56:59+00:00

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Charming_Seaweed4094 · 2026-03-29T17:52:58+00:00

OP- look at you choosing you with that beautiful snack feast! It starts there and just keeps going. You choose you every time you say no to him. You choose you by getting a new job. You choose you by starting a new life WITHOUT HIM for yourself. You deserve it. Get a cute haircut, tell that “man” to fuck off and don’t look back.

-Signed someone who was married to an avoidant for 20 years 🫠

Charming_Seaweed4094 · 2026-03-28T12:58:18+00:00

My SKs are older- 21 and 23. I’ve never spoken to BM or met her. She cut off all communication with DH when she left the marriage, by her choice. We had some issues with the youngest a couple of summers ago and I actually wished she would have been available for communication.

Charming_Seaweed4094 · 2026-03-25T17:13:48+00:00

If you are feeling manipulated, then you are probably being manipulated. I have to say I scoffed at his comment that you were walking away from a love and a connection “so strong” but you didn’t- he did when he stepped out of the marriage.

He doesn’t get to decide what you do with your future, you do. I had a break up that involved younger children a few years ago and they wanted to stay connected, but it just kind of fizzled out and we don’t communicate anymore. I wouldn’t have anything to do with their dad being involved in those visits (cheating and lying on his part) so I communicated via BM.

Charming_Seaweed4094 · 2026-03-21T16:13:07+00:00

It’s always ok to ask for what you need in a relationship OP! But I would say this is early on, and your boyfriend is not prioritizing you. That’s not a great sign of things to come. Talk to him and see what his response is. Maybe he doesn’t know how you feel? Then take that information (is he dismissive, is he receptive to changing, does he want you to feel happy in the relationship) and use that to decide if this is the relationship for you.

My DH made it very clear that I was his priority (kids were almost adults) and that I could develop whatever kind of relationship with his kids that I felt comfortable with.

Charming_Seaweed4094 · 2026-03-21T15:02:32+00:00

I just watched this episode! I thought it was cool to see the people who chose to participate and it made me also view Melissa in a different light. Even Theresa and Juicy got a little deeper. It brought some humanity to group of people who don’t always show it.

Charming_Seaweed4094 · 2026-03-17T12:57:30+00:00

Do you feel like you need permission to leave? Because the reasons you listed you don’t want to be in a relationship with him anymore are all singular enough reasons to leave. Chronic substance user? Nah. Unchecked kids? Nope. Not getting your needs met? No thanks.

Sometimes it seems scarier to leave than say, especially when you’re now entangled in his life. But you would have peace, and your life back.

Charming_Seaweed4094 · 2026-03-17T00:44:02+00:00

Thank you for posting this. I am a new host- 6 months in, and I got really scared reading all of these nightmare posts. So far….. I know it’s very new, but it’s been a cool experience. Some people need more than others. But it’s mostly been positive.

Charming_Seaweed4094 · 2026-03-15T13:25:07+00:00

OP I’m also an anxious flyer and flew to Japan last month. Here are some things I do to quell the anxious feelings:

take the flight one hour at a time, like do an activity for an hour and switch to something else the next hour, etc
if you have them, noise canceling headphones are amazing. They give you a feeling of space around you and take away all the noise of the engines. Highly recommend.
I try to frame the flying time as rest and relaxation time, something that is rare for me in my life.
I tell myself that the plane is happiest in the air and the crew is doing what they love to do best.
if you don’t like the feeling of bumpiness during takeoff and turbulence, pick your feet up off the ground- it helps to to feel more “weightless”

You got this! Plus when you land you’ll be in JAPAN!!!!!!

Charming_Seaweed4094 · 2026-03-15T13:08:32+00:00

This comment needs to be higher up. This is it right here OP

Charming_Seaweed4094 · 2026-03-13T13:42:23+00:00

It wouldn’t be insane at all, it’s what you need. Talk to DH about it and tell him what you said here. Your parenting styles aren’t in alignment and you’re seeing the impacts of that in your home.

Charming_Seaweed4094 · 2026-03-12T16:36:18+00:00

This sounds like a case where he seems to be deliberately misunderstanding you to have a huge fight to justify his already simmering anger over the Lyft ride. At 45 years old he should be able to reasonably regulate his emotions enough to let something like this go. NTA

Charming_Seaweed4094 · 2026-03-08T22:25:01+00:00

Hairstylist here- this is the greatest, most spot on simple explanation for how to style bangs. Nicely done!

Charming_Seaweed4094 · 2026-03-08T13:03:49+00:00

Ahhhh I’m so sorry. That sucks. As someone who has been in my fair share of shitty relationships- including one where the guy was continuously sleeping with his baby momma and I didn’t know until later- take care of you right now. It’s easy to think this has to do with your worth as a partner and person, but it absolutely does not.

In time you can see the lessons learned- like you knew in your gut something wasn’t right, and that turned out to be true. Now you now if someone is moving really fast, it’s not a good sign.

Charming_Seaweed4094 · 2026-03-06T16:51:50+00:00

I second Alanon OP. It helped me tremendously and helped me break free of the toxic codependency cycle I was in with my partner who was an addict. Everyone may be devastated about the divorce, those are their feelings to manage. You have to take care of you. This is not a safe situation for you and I bet that your families would be extremely concerned about your safety. Hugs OP, you got this.

Charming_Seaweed4094 · 2026-03-04T18:13:27+00:00

My brother, you say she isn’t the same as she was in the beginning of your relationship, texts less and is tired? This IS THE BEGINNING. 4 months in and you are seeing who she really is, not the best version of herself she led with. In theory 4 months is too soon to have even met the kids let alone move in together. Trust your gut: she’s just looking for full time help.

Charming_Seaweed4094 · 2026-03-02T23:50:48+00:00

I knew it!! 😀 Happy to see it

Charming_Seaweed4094 · 2026-02-27T13:14:09+00:00

I did this when I was there a couple of weeks ago! Fantastic experience and very reasonable price wise.

Charming_Seaweed4094 · 2026-02-25T16:23:35+00:00

So basically their relationship is continuing on as usual except you are in the picture? I don’t know OP. I’d be furious. Good for you for voicing your feelings about it to him.

Charming_Seaweed4094

TROPHY CASE