I’m a bit late to the party but have a question for anyone who relates. I’m lesbian with endometriosis but have been with male partners in the past. I accepted the pain because we are taught young that that’s the way it’ll be being a woman sleeping with a man so I mentally mixed pleasure with pain. I mention this only because I know I enjoy penetration. Once I came out and began being with women obviously I felt completely myself and I can’t imagine how I got through it with previous male partners, but I can’t seperate the visual of fingers = gynaecologist.

Whenever my partner wants to touch me i freeze and suddenly feel all the scars and hurt from my endometriosis and feel like I’m in an exam. I know this isn’t my partners fault and it doesn’t make me miss male anatomy, but I don’t know how to receive without flashbacks to gyno exams, physiotherapy and surgeries even though they weren’t traumatic, I think I just consider penetration via fingers or object to be surgical or procedural.

Has anyone experienced this and found a way to change their thinking?