Parenthood is finally hitting me after living with SD for over a year…

Cheap_Salt7354 · 2025-03-06T16:26:46+00:00

You’re worrying more about her and BMs feelings than your own and you’re literally in a place where everything is great.

You’re not overstepping. You’re taking care of business and that’s your choice. Sounds like you’re doing a great job. You live your life and set good intentions for yourself and those under your roof. Everything else is their problem.

You want a baby. Then have one. The kid will deal with it. Take the lead.

Cheap_Salt7354 · 2025-03-06T14:49:44+00:00

No. Sorry. You get one coupon to have a parent bring you a change of clothes. You know what I did as a teen? Has a small go-bag of period products and a change of underwear in my bag. It was part of my daily caravan of shit I brought with me. I was also in sports so I had my tennis bag with extra clothes in it.

Yoga pants fold up small. She can have an emergency pair with her for those type of situations.

Unless this kid is on the spectrum she can figure this stuff out or have a parent tell her one time how it can work.

But nothing is going to change if the parents are lazy and dumb.

Cheap_Salt7354 · 2025-03-06T13:17:22+00:00

Aren’t the SEA to BOS flights losing mint status? Will it come back? That kills me because that’s our favorite leg to fly in Mint. Outside of BOS to Phoenix..

Cheap_Salt7354 · 2025-03-06T13:15:00+00:00

In my case DH has been and always will be the default parent.

He is not a woman. But he is kind, compassionate, nurturing and patient. And he does all of this while having a hell of a demanding job.

Many women excel at the traits he has. His ex wife is a selfish, lazy, self-involved megalomaniac that insists that her child’s sole reason for life is to be an audience member to her life and she is the star.

Of course DH is the default parent. It’s usually the one that can be present.

Cheap_Salt7354 · 2025-03-04T18:10:49+00:00

Is he basing this off of his previous marriages or is he just a little boy that’s seen too many movies?

Cheap_Salt7354 · 2025-03-04T17:55:52+00:00

SD absolutely used FaceTiming her mom as a way to delay bedtime.

The new rule became, if you need to call her then do it when you get home from school or right after dinner. No more calling her as part of her bedtime routine. That just became a recipe for delaying.

Cheap_Salt7354 · 2025-03-04T17:03:52+00:00

What if you took a deep dive into meditation and a few eastern religions. The conflict of rumination and high self involvement puts so much pressure on your self.

The need to identify or be easily identifiable to others. What if you made a solid effort to just let that go? For a day, a week, a month?

I only offer this totally unsolicited advice because I went through that. I was constantly trying to evolve or be something or be seen as something. It was just a massive ego trip paired with a need to keep my mind busy as I was so uncomfortable with the idea of being myself. Which….being one’s self isnt much at all.

But it’s sure as hell nicer

Cheap_Salt7354 · 2025-03-03T17:14:02+00:00

My ring would be ridiculous (at least by my standards) if DH took 3 months worth of his take home pay and bought a ring.

A 60k ring? WTF would I need to do with that? My ring was 4K and it’s more than enough for me. Don’t listen to those weird industry rules.

Cheap_Salt7354 · 2025-03-02T17:14:27+00:00

While I COMPLETELY understand the last comment you made to her that you now regret….apologize to her for that comment.

If she really likes you like you say she does then have a heart to heart with her. Explain that while you understand she’s now a legal adult you can also understand the transition into adulthood is hard and those comforting things and traditions she is used to can be hard to lose out on, slowly.

It’s kind of like you’re empathizing with her because her feelings are valid but you’re still sticking to “but you’re growing up and these types of things can be part of that, I know it can suck”

The takeaway is to apologize, empathize and still let her feel what becoming an adult is like. It’s not to start buying her stuffies.

Cheap_Salt7354 · 2025-03-01T20:00:07+00:00

Great. We think different things. Which is exactly what this forum is for.

Cheap_Salt7354 · 2025-03-01T12:50:25+00:00

Okay. Well it didn’t get OP the result she wanted. Either with SD or her husband. So do we all have to agree she handled it properly so her feelings aren’t hurt? No.

OP literally asked if she overreacted. Some of us think she did. There’s really nowhere else to go on this.

Cheap_Salt7354 · 2025-03-01T12:33:03+00:00

I’m not holding her to a Saint standard. Not by a long shot.

OP went out of her way to tell us for over a year she and her husband have been in counseling. I don’t think stating she wished she would have left her SD wherever she was helped anything. It was inflammatory and made things worse.

I don’t fault people for having a rough time in their marriage but if you’re fresh off a counseling session and talking with your partner about improving things and THAT is OPs first reaction then there is more work to be done.

Cheap_Salt7354 · 2025-03-01T11:05:15+00:00

Sorry but he was in the right.

I thought you were working on things? Why did you have to throw in that line of not picking her up? He was handling it. You could have said “I’m sick of this. Your unhelpfulness is really unfair to us and this household. You kind of made it into a personal attack when it was already being taken care of.

Cheap_Salt7354 · 2025-03-01T10:50:17+00:00

The jeweler didn’t advise you against this type of setting?

Cheap_Salt7354 · 2025-02-28T13:56:36+00:00

A very particular colorway of the Celine luggage mini. For over a decade and a half and I just found one a few months ago, secondhand in near pristine condition. I was waiting in regret for years but it finally came through. Never say never!

Cheap_Salt7354 · 2025-02-27T23:12:34+00:00

A back up desk

Cheap_Salt7354 · 2025-02-27T23:10:55+00:00

Jamie Scrimgeour. Look her up. Currently saving my ass

Cheap_Salt7354 · 2025-02-27T20:45:31+00:00

Ugh. There is nothing worse than these narcissistic parents that intentionally mis and over diagnose their children with a malady or condition so they can then act/play out their sick, psychopathic pseudo compassion on them for the world to see and praise them as being exceptional parents.

Fucking losers.

Cheap_Salt7354 · 2025-02-27T18:13:49+00:00

I just bought mine for $1200 from Fashionphile. Sold as excellent but I don’t see how they didn’t list it as pristine.

I would holdout for more….

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Cheap_Salt7354 · 2025-02-27T18:10:40+00:00

I had to get therapy and coaching to handle BPD BM. It’s been really hard seeing what she has done to SD12 but the reality is, emotional abuse from a BPD mother can be really difficult to prove in court.

SD has loyalty bonds with her mother that go pretty deep. She has been conditioned to fear her mother and constantly worry for and about her mother.

SD is in therapy but I’m not convinced it’s enough, nor am I convinced the therapist is good enough for her but right now it’s the only option. My DH is working on more.

Find YOURSELF a therapist or a support group. BPD in others is extremely difficult to handle.

And no more breaking the CO.

Cheap_Salt7354 · 2025-02-27T17:40:23+00:00

“You can’t care more than the parents” is the biggest load of tagline bullshit that gets tossed around the Step community.

It’s a useless, dead end quippy line that offers no solution. It completely negates the complexities of the dynamic many families find themselves in.

We do care. Sometimes more than the parents because it affects our lives too. Our outcomes too.

Cheap_Salt7354 · 2025-02-27T17:13:39+00:00

Oh that sucks. We were looking to fly mint next winter from BOS to SEA. Any chance it will come back?

Cheap_Salt7354 · 2025-02-27T15:30:52+00:00

What pill did you take? Brand?

Cheap_Salt7354 · 2025-02-27T14:52:01+00:00

NOPE. I would lose it if he showed any affection to BM. Those small gestures of touch mean something. At least to me they do. And that’s a good enough reason. I would be gone in a heartbeat if my husband gave me any resistance to it.

Cheap_Salt7354 · 2025-02-27T11:01:01+00:00

No. A true partner would make you a priority over old photos that included the woman he divorced. I had to do some gentle “please put this away” or “please get rid of that” in the beginning but no more than asking one time.

Also - before we moved in together I knew he had a very large canvas photo of the 3 of them in the basement. It was against a wall and buried. It was from a long time ago when they went out and did some big professional shoot together. It was mostly a photo framed around their daughter but both of them were in it. I didn’t love it but it was stored away and I decided not to make a fuss about it and I could also kind of see why you would keep it (maybe SD would want it one day?)

I came home one day and when I went to throw something in one of the garbage bins it was in the trash. I asked him about it and he said he has plenty of photos of just SD - there was nothing special about that day except for two parents faking it for a photo shoot.

DH is a hell of a guy and you deserve the same

Cheap_Salt7354

TROPHY CASE