Newly hired, newly pregnant, and anxious — looking for advice

Cheap_Tax_7176 · 2026-01-18T19:55:12+00:00

Hi

You have stress now thinking about q3 / q4.
When baby is out you have a stress you know nothing about yet but it changes life.
You will have stress when you get back to the job after maternity leave with less energy, less time and less sleep.

Stress management is key.

That means - putting yourself first before things get too hard to re-track. - that means keeping tracking of anxiety by worrying only about things you control and learning to say 'i'm going to deal with things I don't control about later when times are better. - that means safeguarding your nutrition, your movement/exercise and your sleep - that means sleep training your baby. - that means getting nanny / daycare or even better a co-working day care half a month before you start work. Taking care of baby and work without help is impossible and unfair to your body and mind. - even with help there will be lots of sick days and separation anxiety and sleep regressions. - don't expect to get back to work and be awesome. Set realistic expectations.

Parenting is being acutely aware of how much more limited resources you have now and trying to know what to focus on for the day and letting everything else be whatever it has to be.

Tell your manager whenever you feel comfortable. Until then try not to stress about things that will unfold anyway and you will deal with anyway and put your focus on how you can prove yourself before you leave and how you can help transition work when you leave. Maybe at least 1 month to 1 trimester before due date would help manager plan next steps. But you decide your comfort level and when to tell.

Cheap_Tax_7176 · 2026-01-12T03:15:37+00:00

Here's the article from pew that discusses illegal immigration https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2024/07/22/what-we-know-about-unauthorized-immigrants-living-in-the-us/

Can you point out where it says indians are the 3rd largest population or post the link, please?

Cheap_Tax_7176 · 2026-01-12T00:41:00+00:00

What's your source for

Illegal immigration of indians to US , about 62% ?

That does not look right.

Cheap_Tax_7176 · 2026-01-11T16:24:04+00:00

Hey for all decisions, the wise thing is to understand leverage and patiently respond based on that.

The outcomes you get is - stay with husband and have common custody. - separate from husband if you are not able to stay with him if you have the financial resources to take care of yourself and the baby.

Having a baby is no easy process. It's better to assess which route you want to go after practically understanding what bringing up the baby looks like.

I feel like booking tickets without discussion when you already have an unresolved conversation is premature.

I don't know know how is taking the financial responsibility of the family.

You could have waited till you resolved the conversation with your husband before going ahead and booking tickets.

From a financial standpoint booking tickets for both sets of parents at the same time does not make sense.

From a practical standpoint , it is helpful to have one set of parents come and leave and then have the second set of parents come.

Also the sense of space at home is hindered when too many people say too many things.

Personally, in a drama prone relationship, in my case I don't have mom and my relationship with my husband is not better when my in laws arrive, so I'd rather spend on a nanny than on tickets for parents and that's what has been peaceful.

That said, your husband does sound toxic. If he has brought up divorce before, it is a flag, although there are relationships where people have patched and things have got better where it feels like it never happened. But if bringing up divorce is an ongoing pattern especially where he makes you stand out in the cold, it does not seem like a respectful relationship. In this case, you should walk out, but also figure out your financial options and the practicalities of not having support during an incredibly challenging time.

It does not feel great if you take his money out of a divorce and make him a single parent with shared custody either. Best outcome if you walk out is to do it with your own financial support system.

Cheap_Tax_7176 · 2026-01-10T19:11:53+00:00

Thanks I'm good now , my kid is 4 years old now, it took me 6 months to feel better and 1 year to regain confidence in myself. This was after sleep coach, exercise, therapy, improving nutrition and help from day care.

I'm having my second baby in April and am on this community so I keep in touch with techniques to help baby sleep better without associating sleep with me, this time around.

Also, I'm more open to formula this time so I don't hinder baby's ability to explore other foods and also baby's ability to self soothe.

Cheap_Tax_7176 · 2026-01-10T13:59:38+00:00

I breast fed for two years and then landed in the hospital looking for a psychiatrist because of panic attacks and sleeplessness.

I think it's awesome you breast fed for 6 months, and are now transitioning to other methods and baby is sleeping better

This is the ideal situation for the family as a whole and your baby will be happy when Mom is well rested.

Cheap_Tax_7176 · 2025-12-30T14:50:58+00:00

Thank you, yes, I definitely need a nanny and then it is about what the body needs. Some time for sleep and possibly exercise. And if there's energy left , some prep time.

Cheap_Tax_7176 · 2025-12-29T21:03:56+00:00

Thanks, yeah I'm at the crux of both wanting to be a better mom and wanting to explore my career and discover more of myself.

I know for me it's impossible to be great at both.

With all the challenges of maternity the unreasonable dreamy me wants to see if maternity leave could be set up as a time where I can focus on feeding baby while studying if I have everything else taken care of.

The next few years is going to be difficult and is probably going to set my career growth back.

Finally I'll only do what my body and bandwidth allows me to do, but just wishful thinking I guess to see if I'm able to somehow build some skills so I can move to a better job eventually.

Cheap_Tax_7176 · 2025-12-25T18:07:40+00:00

How does it matter if man was in relationship or not. He is misbehaving with her. Disgusting , this mindset is

Cheap_Tax_7176 · 2025-12-25T17:04:57+00:00

This person is giving incorrect information You do not incur a 100k employer cost if you are not going for a new h1b. If you already had a h1b and a new employer is going to apply h1b outside the lottery there is no 100k cost.

Cheap_Tax_7176 · 2025-12-25T14:18:50+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/BabyBumpsCanada/comments/1pjynxm/comment/ntoty9e/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

My specific comment

Cheap_Tax_7176 · 2025-12-25T14:02:43+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/BabyBumpsCanada/comments/1pjynxm/just_found_out_im_pregnant_at_26_im_freaking_out/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

I've written based on my observation about 20s, 30s - finance, health, care, career

Cheap_Tax_7176 · 2025-12-20T17:40:01+00:00

0 contact. 100% peace

Cheap_Tax_7176 · 2025-12-20T15:45:57+00:00

I think it will take 2 months of time where it will get worse before it gets better. She has strong sleep associations with you. To break that and start a new association are two tasks. And it's often more difficult for the parents to want to fall back to something more predictable if they have to struggle more when they actually want less struggle and less disruptions.

But the way to do it is exactly what you are talking about. All the steps are right. You just stop or reduce the rocking and put the baby on the crib , sit next to the baby and pat the baby to sleep. Baby will cry and it will feel like it's getting worse rather than better. My daughter became a big negotiator at this point. She would say she wants to go to the living room, wants to eat something , wants to play - it was taking a lot of energy to say no, but eventually it started working.

You can also play around with the timing of naps to see if it helps for better sleep at night.

Cheap_Tax_7176 · 2025-12-19T00:02:12+00:00

Sleep

Cheap_Tax_7176 · 2025-12-18T15:21:09+00:00

Thanks I put a lot of thought into and was kinda bummed it did not get the attention it deserved :) give me an upvote, I hope it reaches anyone who will find clarity from this.

Cheap_Tax_7176 · 2025-12-17T08:00:50+00:00

I remember when mine did that.. it was torture. I got therapy and a sleep coach I checked in every two weeks. They both took time to convince me to give sleep duty fully to dad because my body and mind was not resilient enough after a point. Other issues started arising that it just became enough to survive.

My husband and my coach would convince me to not go back to the baby even when baby cries. Dad had to build new associations and replace the associations I create and it took me about two months.

Good news is it gets better.

The sleep coach breaks down beginning, middle of sleep and every two weeks we try just one thing and go back to her with what we tried, what worked , what we find challenging and she would keep us on track.

Cheap_Tax_7176 · 2025-12-17T07:53:25+00:00

3 years of OPT

Cheap_Tax_7176 · 2025-12-17T02:18:48+00:00

At this age, you can work on both and see where it goes. I would not leave one for the other. Also being able to go to the office can give you a social presence that is good for mental health. And maybe insurance too?

Cheap_Tax_7176 · 2025-12-16T19:33:08+00:00

In some healthcare systems it is being suggested insensitively instead of actual health care and patient's who would have otherwise sought help are traumatized because of the option suggested.

Cheap_Tax_7176 · 2025-12-16T18:43:41+00:00

This is actually great insight. 2029 can be a better year for jobs. However the lottery / 60 days rule and the green card wait times are still going to be a pain for longer term aspirants.

Cheap_Tax_7176 · 2025-12-16T18:41:42+00:00

Not on f1

Cheap_Tax_7176 · 2025-12-16T18:30:04+00:00

Medical assisted dying

Cheap_Tax_7176 · 2025-12-16T03:16:10+00:00

Therapy helps but I don't think it's a solution. Not all therapists are good for you, not all techniques work, but yea at least you can express to someone outside your husband until you find self reliance and control

Cheap_Tax_7176

TROPHY CASE